We are all trying to live happily, but we are getting farther and farther away from the happiness we want.
Only a strong mind, a deep understanding of ourselves and the outside world, can make us have the ability to be happy in an impermanent life.
How do we have happiness? Lowering expectations, not thinking too much about everything, and controlling your emotions are the three keys to a happy life.
01
Lower expectations and learn to be content will have a sense of happiness.
Many people will find that it seems that the older you get, the harder it is to experience happiness.
When I was young, I felt very happy eating a popsicle; I felt very happy when I could put on new clothes; I was very happy when I got the money for the New Year.
But as I become an adult, there are fewer and fewer moments of happiness.
Why?
Because as desires and expectations continue to expand, we can never feel satisfied with what we have in the moment.
When we were young, we wanted very little; but when we grew up, we always tried to get more and expect more, and it was difficult to feel happy.
To be happy, we have to learn to lower our expectations.
First of all, we must streamline what we "want", be clear about the goals we can achieve, and don't set ourselves too many goals beyond our ability.
We have to set the expectations of the goal a little lower, we can complete it easily, and then we can have a good time. Every time we do this, we are not a happy person.
For example, our goal is to lose weight successfully within a month, and the high expectation is to lose ten pounds, and the low expectation is to lose two pounds.
There is a big difference here, ten pounds a month only finished eight pounds. There are still two pounds left, thinking that if you don't complete your target value, you will have a feeling of disappointment, how it is not completed.
But two pounds a month, according to normal exercise, this can be completely achieved. Once that value is reached, we will be very happy. Even after more than two pounds, the joy of that surprise is even more worthy of our memories.
This comparison, the completion of eight pounds, is nothing more than a sense of disappointment. Finishing two pounds is an emotion of joy.
This is a value of low expectations, which is experienced emotionally.
The mood is calm and stable or pleasantly happy, and over time a positive emotion is formed, and the reluctance to give up this state will maintain a low expectation of anything.
We set a goal and multiple stages of completing the goal, each stage is arranged with a low expectation value that meets our ability, and then we go to complete each stage one by one, get the happiest moment, and finally use this emotion to complete our goal.
Second, learn to be grateful for what you already have.
Learn not to think of what you have on a daily basis, try to be grateful, and you'll find that your sense of well-being will really increase.
Heaven and earth, because of gratitude, our hearts are always beautiful; because of gratitude, life has always been warm; because of gratitude, life is colorful...
We must always have a grateful heart, always have a grateful behavior, always have the idea of gratitude, and make gratitude a habit.
Grateful for the heavens and the earth, which gives us the source of survival; grateful for our parents, who gives us life; grateful for our children, who gives us the joy of heaven; grateful for friends, let us understand the true feelings of the world; grateful for the spirit of all things, let us have wisdom; grateful for the immortality of materials, so that life can continue...
Learn to be grateful, life will be happy; learn to be grateful, life will be satisfied.
As the saying goes, contentment is always happy.
The contented are always carefree and happy; the unsatisfied are often greedy and worried.
The ancients said: The contented are poor and happy, and the unsatisfied are rich and worried. When things come to contentment, people are always worried, and people are high in self-esteem.
Youyun: "The misfortune is greater than the dissatisfaction, and the blame is greater than the desire, so the contentment is always happy." ”
A person who is easy to be content feels warm when he has clothes to wear, and feels sweet when he eats. He does not care about glory and wealth, nor does he covet to get ahead, but always maintains a normal heart and enjoys life contentedly.
Hu Jiushao of the Ming Dynasty was a very knowledgeable person, although three meals a day were vegetable porridge, he burned incense every day to worship the heavens and lived a very happy life.
When his wife asked why she was so content, he said, "First of all, I am glad that I was born in a peaceful and prosperous world, and there was no war or military disaster." I am glad that our whole family can have food to eat, clothing and clothing, so as not to be hungry and cold. The third fortunate thing is that there are no patients in the bed at home, and there are no prisoners in the prison. ”
In fact, life is like that, the key is to lower expectations and be content in your heart.
Only in this way will we be happy.
02
Don't think too much about everything, learn to look at it lightly, and there will be less trouble.
In life, happiness and pain, possession and loss, success and failure, are actually only one step away.
Whether life is heavy or easy depends entirely on how we look at it.
Once the human heart is complicated, life will become complicated.
The more I think about it, the more troubles I have, and the more difficult my life becomes.
It is better to "don't think about eight or nine, often think about one or two", which can reduce entanglement and struggle.
As the ancient saying goes: "Troubles have no roots, do not pick up nature, have no source, and do not investigate themselves easily." ”
In life, there are countless bad things, the more you care, the more troubles will accumulate, rather than looking for your own troubles, it is better to let yourself look down and wave goodbye to the past.
There is a story that a rich man was seriously ill and took a lot of medicine to no avail, so he felt restless and panicked, always feeling that he would soon die, and his heart was very sad.
Later, he consulted a famous doctor who lived in seclusion. After diagnosing his pulse, the famous doctor said: "This disease is easy to treat, you just need to go to a quiet beach every day and lie down for 30 minutes for a month." ”
The rich man is usually very busy, never so relaxed, he listens to the wind, listens to the waves rhythmically lapping at the reef, listens to the chirping of seagulls... The restless mood gradually stabilized.
Here, he completely put aside the scheming of the mall, no longer competing and competitive, and forgot the worldly troubles.
A reader once wrote a letter to Mr. Yang Dai, complaining that society was too impetuous and that he had no intention of making progress. Mr. Yang Dai said in the reply: Your problem is mainly that you don't read much, but think too much.
Some people, some things, really don't have to think about it so much; thinking too much will only make you get upset, become confused, and it doesn't make any sense.
Some people or things are not at all within our control, but can only do their best and obey the fate of heaven. Therefore, there is no need to think too much, everything goes naturally, and you can do what you should do.
Don't think too much, what will come will eventually come, what should go will always go, learn to accept calmly; let the troubles stop in moderation, let the pain pass away with the wind.
Don't think too much, there are nine times out of ten things that are not satisfactory in life, take the difficulties as grinding, and take the blows as challenges; although you can't do what people want, but do your best to be ashamed.
Don't think too much, the heart is not as good as action, life is a chase; do what you want to do, live the life you want to live, so, it's good; many times, simple, is happy and happy.
Don't think too much, life is only once, contented people are always happy, there is no need to let yourself live too tired; maintain a good attitude and cherish the rest of every day.
Don't think too much, some people, some things, should be properly opened and put down; tomorrow's everything is unknowable, but as long as it is cherished along the way, there will always be more beautiful scenery along the way.
Complicated things look at the opening point, and difficult things look at the light point. If it is simple, naturally it will not be entangled.
When you maintain a simple mentality to face life and live the most pure and broken days, your pace will become lighter and lighter, and life will be easier.
Life is not simple, try to live as simple as possible.
Sometimes, you really don't have to think too much and worry too much.
Follow your own heart, walk in your own footsteps, smell the lotus fragrance, hold the breeze lightly, and the beautiful nature of life will come to you.
03
Learn to control your emotions, you will be less troublesome and more happy.
We have a lot of emotions every day, but no matter what kind of emotions, we must learn to control emotions, only in this way, we will not be controlled by emotions.
In psychology, there is a term called the "mustang effect."
There is a vampire bat on the African savannah that specializes in sucking the blood of wild horses, and wild horses cannot get rid of them, resulting in many wild horses being tortured to death.
But in fact, the blood sucked by bats is far from enough to make wild horses die.
The real cause of death of wild horses is their own overreaction when bats suck blood, and their rage and wild running lead to their deaths.
Similarly, if a person cannot control his emotions and is controlled by them, he will lose his mind and let himself be deeply troubled.
I once read a report. Ms. Jiang originally wanted to hold a wedding, so she paid a deposit of 3500 yuan at the wedding dress shop.
Later, she didn't want to have a wedding, so she wanted to get the deposit back.
However, the wedding dress shop responded: "The deposit has been paid to the host, photographer and other staff, and at that time, the contract between the two parties agreed that the deposit would not be refunded." ”
After several fruitless pleas, she was furious, took scissors, rushed into the wedding dress shop, and cut all the valuable wedding dresses.
Counting the scissors down, the anger was gone, but all 32 wedding dresses were cut.
Later, the police determined that the cut wedding dress was worth 67,400 yuan.
3500 yuan, calm down to deal with could have no loss, the result is because of the inability to control their emotions, a momentary impulse, the loss of 67,400 yuan.
Emotions come at a price, and people who can't control emotions will definitely pay for their emotions.
People who can control their emotions will have a lot less trouble in life.
There was a prime minister in the Song Dynasty named Fu Bi, who was known for being good at debate.
One day, a poor show stopped Fu Bi in the street and said, "I heard that you can speak eloquently, so I'll ask you a question." ”
Fu Bi knew that the comer was not good, but he could not ignore it, so he had to let him say.
Xiucai asked, "What would happen to you if someone scolded you?"
Fu Bi replied, "I will pretend not to hear." ”
Xiucai looked at him with disdain: "You are familiar with the Four Books and Five Classics, but you are just a turtle with a shrunken head!" ”
Fu Bi was not annoyed or angry, and really ignored Xiu Cai's insults.
Xiucai was deeply bored and left with his sleeves folded.
The rich servant was very angry: "This man is so rude, why don't you open your mouth to refute him?"
Fu Bi replied, "This man obviously came with anger. If I argue with him, I will be red-faced. Even if the quarrel won him, it was still unconvinced. If it is so futile, why should I argue with him?"
Angry people are irrational.
Talking to an irrational person will sooner or later become an irrational person.
Two people arguing will only turn into hurting each other.
When anger comes, you must learn to "leave the scene."
Leave the angry occasion, leave the angry place, wait until the emotions calm down, and then make plans.
The ancients said: "Joy is not promised, mourning is not silent, anger is not disputed, chaos is not decided, tired when there is an end." ”
Joy and sorrow, people's common feelings, but if not regulated, let bad emotions affect themselves for a long time, it will be detrimental to health, and even make people's lives without happiness.
Maintaining a normal heart, being calm, rational, optimistic, open-minded, and adopting a detached attitude towards fame and fortune is not only conducive to the progress of things, but also conducive to physical and mental health.
We must learn to be able to rationally think and control our actions under the premise of understanding and fully accepting our emotions.
When emotions come, what we have to do is not to resist, but to accept, and then to analyze the emotions and think rationally.
Learn not to be dominated by emotions after feeling them, but to make choices or decisions rationally.
In study, work, love, life will inevitably encounter things that can not be solved or can not think of problems, this time may wish to remind themselves, adjust the mentality, think about the problem from another angle.
Learn to overcome negative emotions, let go of spiritual baggage, think less useless, do more useful, reduce the burden of the mind, relieve anxiety pressure, make yourself more focused, more active to do things, but also let the psychological garbage nowhere to hide, completely dissipated.
When things happen, you may wish to use the "A Q spirit" to adjust the imbalanced psychology, learn to be "rare and confused", learn music meditation, etc., which can allow us to regulate our emotions and maintain a peaceful and calm state of mind.
Learn to regulate your mood, you will be happy.
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