The starting line is short, but the child's life is long.
Taking a long-term view, not caring about temporary wins and losses, and continuing to work upwards is the key to the child's laughter to the end.
Author | Coke Mom
"Haidian District Parents
I really can't cultivate Gu Ai Ling."
A few days ago, Zhao Yukun, deputy director of the Center for Positive Psychology Research at Tsinghua University, shared a few small things about children:
The first thing is about badminton.
In recent times, every night, Director Zhao will take his children to play badminton together:
The son asked a bunch of his friends to fight, and he took his daughter to fight next to him.
Seeing that the children had a lot of fun and their interest in badminton was getting stronger, Director Zhao felt very pleased.
However, the "Haidian mother" around her did not think so.
One mother believes that children should not be "blindly beaten", but should ask a coach to learn systematically, otherwise a winter vacation "just play is too wasteful".
Another mother even said that there was no need to bring other children because they were competitors of their own children.
For this reason, Director Zhao was surprised and puzzled.
In his opinion, his son had also taken badminton classes before, but because the teacher overemphasized technical movements, the child lost interest in badminton.
More importantly, Director Zhao has always regarded those children as his son's friends, not opponents.
After all, there are thousands of children of the same age as their sons across the country, and the "competitors" in the future are not only the ones in front of them!
The second thing is about skiing.
When her daughter went to the snow for the first time, Director Zhao accompanied her daughter the whole time.
He found that his daughter, like all beginners, could slide but wasn't good enough at turning and braking.
In order to let his daughter experience the joy and sense of achievement of skiing, he let her daughter slide for a while, then practice turning and braking, even if her daughter fell, he would give her some encouragement.
However, the other father and daughter that Director Zhao met were completely different.
The daughter of the father and daughter is also a beginner, but her father is very anxious and has been scolding her daughter for not acting correctly.
Eventually, when the little girl fell down again, she completely collapsed, lying on the ground and crying, refusing to get up no matter what others said.
After these few small incidents, Director Zhao sighed:
"Although I have been in Haidian District for such a long time, the strength of my parents in Haidian District has repeatedly exceeded my imagination.
To put it bluntly, it's too utilitarian. ”
"Such parents can only be the problem makers in Haidian Huangzhuang, and it cannot be Gu Ailing."
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Yeah, there has never been a generation of parents who were more anxious and utilitarian than parents today:
Learn musical instruments to inquire whether you can add points, practice sports to consider the cost performance, every minute and every second can not be "wasted"...
As everyone knows, the hidden dangers of utilitarian education will eventually erupt one day.
Anxious parents chicken baby
How crazy is that?
A few years ago, a documentary depicting the lives of Hong Kong parents, "No Starting Line," came out.
Among them, the second-child mother Irene's sentence "Let the child win before ejaculation" has surprised countless people.
But in recent years, more and more news has made people realize that this is not a sensational slogan, but a naked reality.
Recently, I saw a schedule tailored for her child by a pregnant mother online:
"Bilingual teaching in Chinese and English at the age of 1;
At the age of 3, he can read English picture books and memorize 100 ancient poems;
4-year-old learn music theory, piano, painting;
5 years old to learn Olympiad;
6 years old in the best elementary school in the upper district;
7-year-old piano level 8, English KET;
At the age of 8, he read the original works of "Journey to the West" and "Analects";
9-year-old piano level 10, second instrument level 7, ancient poems and ancient texts memorized to the third level of junior high school;
The first prize in the 10-year-old Olympiad competition, the English got the PET certificate..."
After reading this table, I can't help but think of the explosive passage:
"The child is 4 years old, and the English vocabulary is only about 3,000, is it not enough?"
"It's definitely enough in the United States, and it's not enough in Haidian!"
However, when the parents gradually went crazy, they ignored that the small figure was actually already overwhelmed.
They were not tall, but they were carrying two large school bags:
I do it all the time, whether in an interest class:
Still on the way to school and home, you have to spread out the books and write your homework one by one:
Even if I was tired and fell asleep, I still had a pencil in my hand:
So that at a young age, the fingers were worn out of thick calluses:
In one class, children without glasses became even rarer:
Because in front of them, there is no way to write the "title mountain and the sea":
Even the ten minutes of recess can only curl up in their seats, busy coping with the exam papers and exercises in front of them:
In this regard, a senior teacher who has been practicing for many years said bitterly:
"As a teacher for decades, I feel that this batch of babies after 00 has been abolished.
For the chicken baby, they have no childhood, no sports, one by one myopia, obesity, cervical spondylosis, lumbar spondylosis, after the age of 15, generally bored with school, depression, inner mourning, extreme envy of the pig's life, in the future a large number of will choose to lie flat. ”
Yeah, life is not a 100-meter sprint.
Those who win at the finish line are not necessarily the children who run the fastest in the first place.
Parents' utilitarianism and anxiety are like a strong medicine, which may allow children to get a temporary lead, but inject endless sadness into their future lives.
Utilitarian education
The child's potential is being overdrawn
What happened to the children who were kidnapped by being pushed all the way by the scores, who were kidnapped by "going to a good primary school to get into a good junior high school, going to a good junior high school to get into a good high school, entering a good high school to go to a good university, and only after graduation to find a good job"?
Perhaps from a place called "Lie Flat Bar" in Baidu Tieba can be glimpsed.
Here, it is a gathering place for a group of "lying friends".
They are concentrated between the ages of 18 and 24, sleeping until noon and doing nothing all day.
Maybe you think that these "lying friends" are living in a bad mood because they can't find a job.
But surprisingly, many of them have been in the eyes of others, and even many of them have top 985 and 211 universities.
One of the "lying friends" has been "someone else's child" since he was a child, has studied abroad, and is currently studying for a master's degree.
But he said:
"From elementary school, my mother told me that time is like water in a sponge, and squeezing can always squeeze out, so I have been working very hard to do the best in this system.
But in fact, I put all my time and energy into competition, but I was always toyed with by this system. ”
Such a child is like a small beast in trouble:
In the fast run, leaving the peers far behind, but exhausted the strength to continue climbing, only one person hovered on the cliffs of the mountainside, could not go up, could not come down.
Only to stop where it is, to sob helplessly.
Another athlete from this Winter Olympics is remembered, the freestyle skier from Estonia - Kelly.
She is only one year older than Gu Ailing, and the world ranking was once ahead of Gu Ailing.
However, this winter Olympics, she stopped at the qualifiers due to repeated mistakes, and even did not get the ticket to the final.
It boils down to the education she's been getting—
Kelly's dad was a ski instructor when he was younger.
When the father found out that his daughter, who was only 2 years old, became interested in ski equipment, he made "making his daughter a world champion" his only goal.
To reach the top, Dad asked Kelly to train for more than 200 days a year.
Even if you are injured, you are not allowed to rest.
In the beginning, Dad's "devil training" was indeed quite effective:
Under the age of 16, Kelly has won 6 World Junior Ski Championships, 4 Fluxus Winter Extreme Sports Championships, 1 World Championships...
Until 2018, the PyeongChang Winter Olympics.
Kelly could no longer support years of intense training and suddenly suffered a serious injury.
For this reason, she was silent for a whole year.
After that, Kelly resolutely chose to stand against her father, and she filed a lawsuit with the court, accusing her father of abuse and domestic violence.
A genius girl who should have been promising, but with the tragedy of hurting Zhongyong, reminded her parents of the seedlings:
The hidden dangers of utilitarian education, when you realize it, are often too late.
What it keeps may be trophies, grades, and key schools, but what is lost is the child's curiosity about knowledge and the vitality of the bottom.
But the meaning of a life never lies in titles and numbers, but in its own texture and weight.
Only step by step, slowly, can you taste the sweetest fruit.
The best education
It is to make the child become the ultimate intoxicated person
The Winter Olympics are over, but the legend of "Frog Princess" Gu Ailing continues.
At the age of 9, the girl showed her talent as a top skier, and in her second year on the professional ski team, she won the first place in the overall ranking in the American Junior Ski Competition;
At the age of 17, she was admitted to Stanford University with a score of 1580 out of 1600;
Just after turning 18, she signed contracts with at least 23 brands, with annual revenue of more than 100 million, and was listed on The Forbes "2021 China Celebrity List"...
This makes many people feel ashamed of themselves in envy and jealousy, and lament the unevenness of the world.
In interviews, she talked more than once about her love of skiing:
"I love skiing because when I'm skiing, when i'm a bird, I fly up and land on the ground."
"The feeling of skiing flying, and the feeling of being happy, are probably the two most addictive."
Because of love, so intoxicated.
Because of the intoxication, so that you can amaze the world.
People marvel at the talent and glory of the gifted girl, but few people can see through the glittering titles and unattainable resumes:
In this era of quick success, how many parents force their children to run towards the trophy, towards the elite school, and toward the high salary.
But only forget, let the child follow the things they love most in their hearts and move forward slowly.
Can't help but remind people of what the writer Hao Jingfang once said:
"True life achievements belong to the ultimate intoxicated person."
In the wider world, in a longer life, always the ultimate sensitivity and enthusiasm for one thing can allow a person to explore the path of climbing.
It's as if the whole world doesn't exist, only yourself and what you're doing. ”
The same is true of Hao Jingfang herself.
She graduated from the Department of Physics at Tsinghua University, received a master's degree at the Tsinghua Center for Astrophysics, and then a Ph.D. from tsinghua School of Economics and Management.
Supposedly, she should be a university professor, or a physicist.
But because of his love, he became a writer.
In 2016, he won the 74th Hugo Award for "Beijing Folding", becoming a writer with liu cixin.
And many times, the reason why parents feel anxious is nothing more than too attached to the results.
Therefore, it is useful to learn the Olympiad, but it is useless to read poetry;
Playing the piano is useful, building blocks is useless;
High scores and trophies are useful, joy and childhood are useless.
But in the end, it was found:
It is these useless things that nourish the child's soul and subtly change the flow of the river of children's lives.
Entrepreneur Bill Gates once said:
"The only thing parents should do for their children is to find out where their children's passion lies, encourage them to go all out to pursue, and play to the fullest."
As a parent, instead of pursuing immediate results, calculating the proportion of time input and output, and depriving children of interest and happiness in order to score, it is better to help them find their own enthusiasm.
Less utilitarian pursuit, more persistence for some reason, is the best protection for children.