The "Basic Law of Genius" allowed my twin daughters, one to be admitted to Tsinghua, and the other to go to MIT

My sister was admitted to Tsinghua, and my sister successfully applied to MIT, and in the eyes of outsiders, the twin sisters have more or less "academic genes" that are good at learning. Their mother, Maitian, never denies this, but she tells the Bund that no matter how good a child is, they need their parents as a solid backing. In the process of children's growth, parents should always steer them, only in this way can the child's small boat drift more steadily and further.

Wen 丨 Zhuang Xiao ed

A wonderful life requires constant challenge and exploration, just as on the road to parenting, new parents are also needed to learn how to be parents while striving to become parents.

However, a growing body of research has found that raising children is far more complicated than we think. In their growth, in addition to the meticulous care and care of their parents, the children's different personalities and temperaments will give parents a series of problems.

From this point of view, the wheat field, which has twin daughters, is quite empathetic.

Her twin daughters, one who has been stable since childhood, was admitted to Tsinghua University without suspense; The other has a jumpy and imaginative idea from time to time, bringing surprise or fright from time to time.

Although they have the same parents and the same growth environment, the two daughters of Maitian seem to have won two different "genetic lotteries": one is extraordinarily intelligent and is "someone else's child" in everyone's eyes, and the other is slightly "poor in luck", and the road to learning will inevitably experience some ups and downs.

Fortunately, both children were ultimately successful academically: one was admitted to Tsinghua University, and he studied for a master's degree; Another successfully obtained a master's degree in finance from MIT.

Wheat Field, who grew up with children, not only deeply felt the impact of talent on education, but also tasted the necessity of hard work for children to become talents.

So under the completely different "first-mover" advantage of the two children, how did the wheat field "level the bowl of water", and finally helped the young daughter who failed the college entrance examination turn over against the wind, and finally was admitted to the graduate school of MIT? What truths about education are hidden in the growth stories of the two daughters?

To this end, Bund Jun also had a good chat with Maitian.

Although each child has a different background in life, after working in the wheat field at the forefront of primary education for a lifetime, I understand better: the road to parenting is long, parents must not only calm down to think and observe, but also adjust their mentality from time to time, in order to help children polish the dazzling light in their constantly undulating lives.

For ease of telling, this article is narrated in the first person.

Mistakes and mistakes develop children's learning skills

I was 24 years old and became a mother of two.

At that time, I had just started working, and as the youngest child in the family, I was very pampered, I could not cook, I could not do housework, and naturally I was not ready to become a mother.

The arrival of two newborns left me overwhelmed; Four night milks in one night also made me almost collapse at one point. Exhausted, I also tried my best to relieve the fatigue of new mothers.

On weekdays, I try to take care of things during the day, and at night, I start telling stories to the children, hoping that they will go to bed early and I can rest well.

Maitian and two daughters @XiaohongshuID: Sister Maitian

At that time, few families would tell stories to children less than a year old every night, and likewise, picture books were pitiful. Therefore, in the choice of reading books, I have inevitably taken some detours.

At first, I chose to give my children Grimm's fairy tales, overly complex stories, which sometimes made them unresponsive, and sometimes more and more excited the more they listened. Later, I would choose some short stories with simple plots to read aloud repeatedly. At the same time, I read aloud snippets depicting the scene, encouraging my daughters to close their eyes and imagine the image in their minds.

Under the inadvertent training, my daughters were wanted to rest early, and I "accidentally hit and bumped" to cultivate a rich imagination, which was of great help to them in writing literature, studying geography, and drawing geometry in the future.

However, even if they are twin sisters, they will have their own favorite themes, and over time, conflicts are inevitable.

The palms and backs of my hands were full of meat, and in the face of the quarrel between the two, I chose to continue to be "lazy": not in a hurry to be a "referee", but let them find a way to solve the conflict by themselves.

In this way, the two children slowly learned to cooperate, create and follow the rules in the process of each quarrel and reconciliation. The 2-year-old children also began to "discuss" in a similar way: one story a day, and since then the two have never had a conflict over the choice of reading books.

Slowly, I also entered the role of a twin mother, ushering in the destructive 3-year-old exploration period of my two daughters.

At that time, the two children began to wreak havoc around the house, making the home "chicken flying and dog jumping". Seeing the mess at home, I took the initiative to fold the neatly stacked newspapers on the table and hand them to the child.

On the one hand, these newspapers are not so hard and sharp, on the other hand, the flowery green patterns and the sound of "tearing and pulling" can stimulate their vision and hearing from time to time, and exercise the coordination of hands, brains and eyes.

The two children fell in love with the game of "tearing paper". From pulling with both hands at the beginning, to tearing out various shapes later, the two danced with their hands, and soon extended their hands-on ability and creativity to drawing, puzzles and designing clothes for dolls.

Every time I see their "works", I admire them from the bottom of my heart and admire them from the bottom of my heart.

As they became more and more capable, I soon discovered that these two similar-looking children not only had their own hobbies, but also had different tracks in their ability development.

Especially my eldest daughter, she looks very "sophisticated", often makes a room full of adults laugh at what she says, but also very thoughtful, has a super memory and language expression, and has always been very calm and calm. In contrast, my sister is more ordinary and often more jumpy.

However, her younger sister, who loves manual work more, also learned to make clothes for dolls without a teacher. At her peak, a wall of her room was lined with her dolls, each wearing her tailor-made "limited edition" evening dress. When her sister was in high school, she also founded a costume design club and ran an environmental protection theme show in the province's high school club exhibition. This also added a lot of highlights for her to apply for overseas universities.

Looking back on the growth of the two children, I am often glad that the stack of newspapers I gave to my daughters when they were 3 years old lit up their creative thinking, and at the same time gained self-improvement and self-confidence, and from here, they "tore out" their wonderful lives little by little.

Identical twins are also difficult to level "a bowl of water"

Taking care of twin children, there are always endless trivialities to deal with. When they finally went to elementary school and I thought I could catch my breath, a question that I still couldn't understand soon came up again:

As identical twins, how could the gap between these two babies be so big?

The eldest is a model student, reciting the text over and over again, and can take the initiative to write down the homework before school, and write the homework without being urged to go home, but when the eldest homework is almost finished, the second eldest does not even know what the homework is, and walks around the house in a circle. Urging her to write her homework, she also moved the stool to the table to protest repeatedly, which made people very anxious!

For this reason, I decisively gave up the bar exam that year, and spent a lot of energy on the second eldest every day, giving her lectures and homework, often exhausting myself, and almost no time to take care of the eldest study, which is actually an unfair to my sister.

Exhausted, I decided to change my thinking, completely "let go" of my sister, and taste the pain of "free release". For example, the second eldest refused to remember the homework, so I specially told the eldest not to tell my sister what the homework was, and let her figure it out by herself.

At first, her relaxed sister often forgot to bring books during the day and did not write homework at night, but gradually, she began to panic.

Seeing that the family is doing homework, reading books, and having something to do, the weak-hearted second will sit at the desk from time to time, shy face, and lean next to my sister to ask about homework.

My sister would tell her when she was in a good mood, and sometimes she would let her sister touch her nose with ash. Gradually, my sister, who was "pinched" by homework, began to listen to her sister in her studies, followed her sister's steps forward, and slowly began to get good results.

The power of role models is endless, but reality is always challenging.

In fifth grade, the two children once came home from school, one rushing ahead happily, the other shrugging his head and pouting and shrinking behind. Seeing the test paper with a full score from the eldest one, my heart sank, it was bad, the second eldest must have smashed the test.

Sure enough, my sister "smashed" thoroughly this time, and the excuse of "carelessness" that has always been "careless" obviously cannot become a "fig leaf" for this failed exam.

In order to solve this problem as soon as possible, I made a different study plan for my sister.

1. Practice diligently and consolidate basic book knowledge

Every time I started writing homework, I asked my sister to review what I had learned in the day's class and memorize important formulas. The after-class exercises after the math book were also repeatedly consolidated, and before the exam, I asked my sister to do it again to consolidate the basic knowledge points.

2. Make good use of the wrong question book to form a conditioned reflex between "question type" and "wrong cause"

When I encountered wrong questions, I also asked my daughter to summarize them into a small book. A red pen is also used next to the book to refine the reasons for the error, such as "formula memory error" or "add or minus sign to write back", be sure to help children find out the culprit behind "carelessness".

This ability to summarize question types has played a great assist in the mathematics learning in the later stage of the second child. Especially for geometry problems, often the addition of an auxiliary line can quickly solve a difficult problem, and these mysteries are all hidden in her math problem book in junior high school.

After developing rigorous study habits, the second eldest became more and more handy in mathematics learning, and by the time she was in junior high and high school, she scored above 140 points in every math exam, and even scored 149 points in one fell swoop.

So I think a temporary regression is not a bad thing, but the beginning of her progress. It is also in this continuous improvement and further progress that children can better sharpen their mentality and firmly grasp knowledge.

Solve anxiety and use family education to match school education

As the children gradually grew, I also began to slowly let go, away from the details of the "tactical" level of parenting, but came to the height of strategic deployment - to guide children's emotions and cultivate their confidence in learning.

For example, in terms of learning plans, I will communicate more with teachers to understand children's strengths and weaknesses, and help children reasonably formulate learning plans for various subjects.

In terms of emotions, I will also communicate more with children, listen more, talk less, face the gains and losses of learning with a peaceful mind as much as possible, and avoid adolescent children entering emotional dead ends.

But no matter how careful you are, children will still have a variety of situations.

What I didn't expect was that it was my eldest daughter who encountered the setback first. After all, in the process of her growth, there was not much room for me to play.

She seems to be born to learn, can plan, willing to endure hardships, strong self-discipline, and in junior high school, her grades are stable at the first in the class and the third in the grade, which once saved me a lot of heart.

But there are two sides to everything. Children who are successful academically from an early age do not necessarily have a strong ability to resist pressure and frustration.

Once when I came home from work, I just opened the door of my house, and I saw the boss, who is usually calm, sitting on the sofa and wiping his tears with his head down! I hurried to inquire and found out that my daughter was worried about the upcoming exam.

It turned out that for a while, she was busy rehearsing school programs, and it was inevitable that she would delay her studies, and it happened that after returning to the classroom that day, the boss saw that the classmates with comparable grades were all seriously reviewing, and she suddenly had a strong sense of crisis in her heart.

Hearing the boss's cry, I was confused for a while. Although I am also an experienced class teacher, it was the first time I encountered a "collapse" because I did not use all my strength in studying.

That night, I thought for a long time. I suddenly realized that in the past education, I had neglected children's emotional counseling.

Especially a self-demanding child like the eldest who is quite demanding. Although they have won the first place in the exam many times, they still have not built enough self-confidence and it is difficult to solve the anxiety in their hearts.

In a society full of pressure and competition, children's psychological pressure is not only difficult to solve, but also invisibly amplified, which also requires parents to pay attention to the psychological state of children at all times.

I began to take time out to talk to my daughter to help her understand where her anxiety came from and whether it was necessary. At the same time, encourage the boss to believe that her excellence will not be affected by untimely review, and help her build confidence.

After several earnest exchanges, the boss became more tolerant of himself and had the open-mindedness of "laughing it off".

Sister's graduation photo

The boss's mentality was stable, but the second eldest who was already on the right track in his studies fell hard again in the college entrance examination.

Obviously, every mock exam, the second eldest takes it seriously, but in the final college entrance examination, her results were several tens worse than usual, becoming the worst in the entire senior high school exam.

After the score, my daughter cried and said to me, "It seems really hard to admit your mediocrity." When I heard these words, my heart was about to break.

For two days in a row, the second man locked himself in his room and sulked. On the side, while I was happy for the eldest and worried about the second eldest on the other, the whole person became a little "divided".

How can I help my daughter get out of such a big crisis as soon as possible? I thought about it for a long time and decided to tell my little daughter about our support and confidence in her in the form of traditional letters.

In the letter I wrote:

I want to tell my children that the college entrance examination is just a node in life. Before this you worked hard for a goal, but after that, you choose the direction of your life, and the choice is greater than the effort.

It's important to pack your mood and figure out the rules of the next stage of the game as early as possible. Learning these rules starts with filling out your volunteer and planning your university life. Immediate action is the antidote to defeat negative emotions.

Is it mediocre to get worse than others? Child, you underestimate the complexity of society. The reason why the school is called an ivory tower is that it is simple and one-sided, and scores are the only criterion for distinguishing between good and bad. But when you go into society, you find that real life is completely different.

If you care about comparing yourself to others, then please introduce multidimensional metrics. In addition to the score, there is also vision, thinking, talent, an improvised mind, and a more courageous heart.

If your score is not as good as others, then please put more effort into your vision and thinking. Read more, history books and philosophy, and the wisdom of those who came before you in these books will be the antidote to save your aching soul.

Watch more documentaries and go to museums. Mom encourages you to read ten thousand books and travel thousands of miles, please fill your mind and heart with wonderful works.

If you find that others have surpassed you early on in these dimensions, then you are having a good opportunity to hone your mind. Take this opportunity to learn how to accept yourself, how to overcome low self-esteem, and how to regain the courage to live.

Please don't blame your parents for not giving you a better starting point, the comparison is never-ending.

The object of your envy is also the envy of others. If you focus on comparisons, you lose control of yourself and fall into games set by others.

You always have to take control of your life. Use your own mind and wisdom to deal with the current dilemma, you have to walk out of your own path.

You see, aren't these more complicated and interesting than exams and scores?

Daughter, welcome to the world of adults.

You are an adventurous child, you are smart, active, and super actionable. This will be your home turf.

At that time, you will still laugh at your current self, how can you hang your head for an exam, and you don't know what a vast world awaits you in front of you.

Perhaps it was this letter that jumped away from the score and talked freely about life that gave her the courage to face failure. In her later university life, she did not give up on herself, but studied hard, actively participated in various clubs, and took the initiative to fight for the opportunity to go abroad. During her study tour, she also overcame many barriers such as language and interview one by one, and traveled to several countries alone.

It was these wonderful experiences that made her more daring to try new things. After graduating from the bachelor's degree, the youngest daughter transferred to finance from zero foundation, completed three master's degrees in three years, and finally obtained a master's degree certificate from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, making her life more exciting.

Graduation photo of my sister

In her later life, her youngest daughter often lamented that failing the college entrance examination was a good thing, and experiencing setbacks when she was young, she could always hone a more persevering character and become a valuable asset in life.

Looking back now, the growth of children is really not a one-time solution, and each stage of growth is actually a new test for mothers. Sometimes, I am also very grateful to God for giving me the love of two children who are so sensible and obedient.

Of course, I am even more grateful to be their mother, to have the opportunity to prepare with the children, grow together, and become the strongest support behind them.

epilogue

Every child is a unique individual. American geneticist Harden pointed out in his new work "Gene Lottery" that in the upper limit that children can reach, talent genes alone account for as much as 40%.

So, with the remaining 60% of the space, how can parents help their children maximize their potential?

In the previous article, Maitian used the stories of himself and his daughters to answer: create a good family atmosphere, focus on cultivating children's early learning habits, develop every shining point of children, and detect children's inner fluctuations at any time...

In the wheat field, the Bund Jun saw how a mother did everything she could to create a sunny and vibrant garden for her daughters, so that the children could flourish and reach their full potential.

To love children, we must not only accept them all, but also lay a solid foundation for them. Good education requires teaching according to aptitude and conforming to nature, and it also requires good inducement and careful teaching. This is both a parent's responsibility and an opportunity to grow together with your children.