Hanging his daughter upside down outside the window to punish, this is something that my father can do?
Recently, a shocking video flooded the Internet. In a neighborhood in Liaoning, a father carried his daughter's ankles and hung her upside down outside the window for two or three minutes.
"I asked you why don't you go to the toilet? Why urinate in the room? The father punished his daughter while teaching a lesson. The daughter in the video is constantly crying and pleading, and the neighbors watching have repeatedly persuaded, but the father is not relentless.
Image source: Beijing News
Just because the child urinates in the room, hanging the daughter upside down outside the window to punish, is this education method too extreme?
In order to make the child remember, you can ignore the safety of the child, is this really for the good of the child? Or do parents use their children as punching bags they want to use?
01
The growth of children is inseparable from punishment
Professor Qian Wenzhong of Fudan University once said: "There must be punishment to educate children, even severe punishment. ”
By criticizing extreme educational methods, we do not mean to deny the rationality of all disciplines and punishments. On the contrary, when the child makes a mistake, it is necessary for the parents to take some punitive measures so that the child understands the rules of doing things and the bottom line of behavior.
If parents refuse to fulfill their responsibility to educate their children and do not correct their mistakes when they make mistakes, sooner or later the child will be beaten by society.
In 2013, Li Tianyi, the son of famous singer Li Shuangjiang, was sentenced to 10 years in prison for raping underage women.
Image source: CCTV News
After the incident, the mother Mengge first did not believe that her son would make such a big mistake, and then reversed black and white, thinking that her son was the victim, and poured dirty water on the really hurt girl.
"In the face of a girl like a flower, it is impossible and inhuman for my son, who is in adolescence and has experienced this, completely regardless of temptation." Dream Pigeon's rhetoric in defense of her son is shocking.
The reason why Li Tianyi will be lawless at a young age is inseparable from his parents' "escort" all the way.
When he was in elementary school, Li Tianyi was fighting at school, and his father hurriedly called the teacher after he found out, hoping that the school would not punish his child.
At the age of 15, he was involved in a car accident while driving without a license, and after getting out of the car, he frantically beat the two owners, shouting, "Who dares to call the police?" ”。
Image source: China Moment News
Later, instead of accusing the child, the parents also vainly relied on the relationship to deal with it in a low-key manner, believing that the child had a great future and should not be affected by small things.
It is precisely because of his parents' connivance again and again that Li Tianyi can escape punishment every time, and he is not aware of the seriousness of the problem, so he will continue to break through the lower bottom line and finally be severely punished by the law.
It is often said that "small punishment is a big warning", and appropriate punishment is beneficial to children and can teach children to take responsibility for their actions.
02
Education should be effective and punishment should be moderate
Should parents punish their children? How should a child be punished? To answer this question, we must first know that the punishment itself is not important, but the purpose of the punishment, that is, the effectiveness of education.
If a parent's reprimand does not make the child realize his mistake, then such a reprimand is meaningless.
If parental punishment not only does not play a corrective role, but also threatens the physical and mental health and safety of the child, then such punishment is excessive and irresponsible.
I saw a news story before, a junior high school boy was playing poker with his classmates during recess and was "asked to parents" by the teacher. When the mother arrived at the school, she could not contain her anger and stood in the school hallway and slapped her son a few times.
Image source: Tencent News
Unexpectedly, after his mother left, his son turned around and jumped down from the 5th floor, and eventually died of his injuries.
The Ming Dynasty scholar Lu Kun's "Moaning Language" mentions that "the seven beloved sons are not responsible", the first of which is not responsible to the public. Adolescent children have sensitive hearts and strong self-esteem, and being slapped in public by their mother in the hallway is likely to make him feel ashamed and difficult to accept.
Excessive punishment is beyond the child's physical and mental capacity, not only can not play an educational role, but may also push the child into the abyss.
This also reminds us that to judge the appropriateness of punishment, we must first consider the child's personality characteristics and psychological endurance. Today's children grow up in a vastly different environment than the previous generation, so avoid measuring children by their parents' standards.
At the same time, parents should also pay attention to the adaptability of the surrounding environment, try to choose a private space, and improperly punish their children.
03
Are both parents eligible to punish their children?
It is the responsibility of parents to educate children, but not all parents are qualified to discipline their children.
Emotionally unstable parents with extreme behavior
Emotionally stable parents are able to respond differently depending on their child's different behaviors. Therefore, children will know what kind of behavior they will be rewarded and what kind of behavior will be punished, and the "behavior-feedback" channel is single and stable.
However, in the face of emotionally unstable and extreme parents, children never know under what circumstances and why they will be punished.
Psychologists believe that many people feel anxious because of the fear of the unknown. Children cannot predict the behavior of their parents and will live in anxiety for a long time.
If parents can't control their emotions and behaviors, how can they ask their children to control their words and deeds to meet their parents' expectations?
Parents who do not express love and concern
Education expert Li Meijin once told the story of a father who recognized stick education so much that whenever his child made a mistake, he beat his child. Later, the child stopped making similar mistakes, and he felt that his education method was effective.
However, the father accidentally looked through the photo album and found that the child took a knife and scratched his own photos, and he suddenly realized that he had become an enemy in the child's heart.
In family education, parents must understand the truth that emotions come first and punishment comes later, and only by letting children know that they are loved and not abandoned, parents' punishment will not cause harm to children.
If parents do not express love and concern for their children, reversing the order of emotional expression and discipline, children will feel hatred towards their parents.
Image source: Cartoon "Nezha Troubles the Sea"
There is a significant difference between "Nezha: The Devil Child Descends" and "Nezha Hai", two animations that span 40 years.
In "Nezha's Mind", Nezha's big disturbance in the Dragon Palace attracted the dissatisfaction of the Dragon King, and his father Li Jing chose to stand in the position of a bystander and punish Nezha, forcing Nezha to "remove bones and return to father, cut flesh and return mother".
And in "Nezha: The Demon Child Descends", in the face of Nezha, who is mischievous and runs into trouble everywhere, his father takes the trouble to teach him the principles of being a human being and touches him with love.
It can be seen that nowadays we are more and more concerned about the existence of parental affection and recognize the value of love and warmth.
Punishment in family education is not the goal, education is, and the essence of education is that parents use love to influence their children, so that children become a loving person in their hearts.