Text/Themi Mama (original article, welcome to share and forward personally)
With the opening up of the two-child and three-child policies, for many young couples, they all aim at twins.
After all, if you are pregnant with twin babies, you can avoid the hardship and bitterness of having another child, which can be said to be once and for all, without more than one knife.
But then again, although the twins have many benefits, everything has two sides, such as two more babies at a time, which is definitely very laborious to take care of.
So, under normal circumstances, we will let the elderly help with the belt, but the question is, if the elderly are not in the same place as themselves, and the elderly can not go to the home to help themselves with the baby, what to do?
Maybe some young parents will choose one to bring their own, and the other to the elderly to bring, so what kind of results will be produced on the children by separating the belt? Let's take a look.
01. Twin boys, one "mother belt" and one "grandmother belt", after 3 years the contrast is obvious
I originally had a colleague Xiao xia, a lucky person, who became pregnant not long after marrying her husband, and then checked out that she was a twin.
At this moment, Xiaoxia Xiao's two mouths were particularly happy, because they had originally thought of having two children, and this dream came true, and the most important thing was that they did not have to suffer more.
After being pregnant in October, Xiaoxia gave birth to twin boys, and the family was particularly happy, but new problems appeared, two children, with their little two families can not take care of it, so they can only let the old man help with the baby.
But what makes people helpless is that Xiao Xia's mother's family is far away, there is no way to help with the baby, even if she can come to the door for a period of time, but it is not a long-term solution.
And the mother-in-law and the father-in-law, although the distance is relatively close, but in the hometown, the father-in-law's health is not very good, around can not be separated from people, so there is no way to go to the door to bring.
Xiao Xia and the two mouths really couldn't do anything, thinking about it, they finally came up with a plan, two children, one stayed with them, and the other was sent back to their hometown to let the mother-in-law help bring it.
In this way, when the two babies were less than one year old, one of them was sent to his hometown and asked his mother-in-law to help take care of it.
However, as time passes day by day, Xiaoxia will see that it is different, and sometimes when she returns to her hometown or on the video, she will find that she is obviously a twin child, but the temperament feels less and less.
The children they brought with them were clean, and the children brought by their grandmothers did not say anything, the clothes were wrinkled, and the small faces were not well protected, they looked red and plump, and the local atmosphere was very strong.
More importantly, every time Xiaoxia videoed with her child, she obviously felt that the child had a sense of strangeness, did not like to talk, and often hid behind, which was in stark contrast to the liveliness and cheerfulness she brought.
Every time she saw this scene, Xiao Xia felt very distressed and very sad.
02. So why is there such a big difference between a child brought by a mother and a child brought by a grandmother?
It is reasonable to say that both grandma and mother love their children very much, but through the situation of the twins in Xiaoxia's family, we can also feel the gap.
So why is this happening?
Attachment relationship building fails
In fact, the best source of children's security must be their own parents.
If it is said that the child maintains a certain distance from the parents for a long time, it is not conducive to the establishment of the child's sense of security, and more importantly, the child cannot form a dependency relationship with the parents.
Psychologically speaking, children begin to establish attachment relationships with people around them at the age of 1, and the establishment of attachment relationships is not maintained by blood relations, but who accompanies children for a long time, then the more dependent the child will be.
Therefore, Xiaoxia's children have established a good attachment relationship with their grandmother under the long-term care of their grandmother, and they are naturally relatively unfamiliar with "mother", and even have some sense of alienation.
The environment is different
We often say that one side nourishes the other side of the people, and this sentence is very reasonable.
Subject to different environments and customs, the traces and personalities of each child's growth are also different.
In the countryside, some children grew up under the management of "stocking", going up and down the mountains and going to the water every day, and did not pay much attention to maintenance, so naturally they looked like they had a strong local atmosphere.
But if it is a mother with a baby, it must be very delicate and careful, afraid that the child will be heavily protected every time she goes out. So over time, the appearance and skin will also be different.
Children are also taught differently
In fact, the elderly and young people with babies, from the concept point of view, there will be many differences.
Therefore, the children brought out under the two concepts will naturally have many differences.
For example, young people pay more attention to scientific guidance and education, while the elderly prefer to use the experience of the elderly to raise children, so the children's understanding of some things is different.
So over time, there will be more or less differences.
03. Mother Themi's message:
In fact, in my opinion, if parents have the conditions, try to let their children live with themselves, after all, it is a very happy thing to accompany their children to grow up slowly and give them a complete childhood.
More importantly, children who can grow up around their parents are often more confident and brave, and they will be more excellent.
Therefore, I also hope that every parent can accompany their children more, so that children grow up under the wrapping of love, perhaps for children, is the happiest thing.