1. When I first came out to work, I shared a house with my buddies. When I went out, he often flirted with my girlfriend, playing with the big buddies since he was a child, and I didn't say anything about him because of the love, and I didn't expect his behavior

1. When I first came out to work, I shared a house with my buddies. When I went out, he often flirted with my girlfriend, played with the big buddies since he was a child, and I didn't say anything about him because of the affection, but I didn't expect his behavior to become more intense, pinching her fierce part in front of me. The landlord couldn't bear it any longer, and the moment I picked up the kitchen knife, he took the cigarette butt and said, "If you dare to come over, I'll burn a hole in your girlfriend."

2. Reporter: Master Xuanzang, you and your disciples have worked hard to complete the feat of learning the scriptures, is there any difference between before and after? Tang Monk: Too much has changed! Before taking the scriptures, although I published a hundred papers and ten books, I did not know the name; after taking the scriptures, I was an academic hero and had international influence!

3, my husband came back from work, I quickly greeted him to help him take the slippers to hang up the coat, and when he sat down on the sofa, I handed the brewed tea to him. He took a sip of tea, looked up at me for half a day, and after making sure it was me, asked me, "Say, what do you want to buy?" ”

4, in the morning with my sister to the snack department to eat buns, after the waiter brought up, this goods from the pocket took out a silver needle pricked, the front end of the silver needle became black, exclaimed: "The bun is poisonous, who is going to harm the palace", the full house of diners instantly silent, then the boss calmly stepped forward, snapped a mouth, "Special this is a bean sandbag, do not eat rolling calves ..."

5, today's bath encountered an obsessive-compulsive scrubber, when rubbing the front, all the mud on your body is concentrated on the chest, and after rubbing it, it will be thrown away into a ball, and I will collapse inside the groove at that time, can we take a good bath!

6, whenever the new year is coming, the heart will always warn yourself, the new year of the new self, to work hard to change themselves, so that they are not single and not poor, do not want to be forced by the family to go on a blind date, in the new year must find a partner, the result of the new year when the arrival, you will still hold the mobile phone brushIng Weibo, the mouth is always muttering, no money to blame me? Long ugly monster me? No one blames me?

7. At the end of November, Meituan released its third-quarter earnings report, which showed that Meituan's third-quarter profit far exceeded expectations, reaching 10 times the market's expectations. The masses of the people shouted! But what is even more bullish is that this 10 times has little to do with meituan's own business, but because meituan invested in the ideal car. Do takeaway earn money, not because takeaway sells more, but because of investing in new energy, stimulus or not?

8, the brother-in-law after the social drive Maserati home encountered cha drunk driving, was arrested and locked up for three months. My cousin immediately divorced her brother-in-law and rented a house to live in. Yesterday I left work early, I went to help my cousin move, moved in the middle of the night, and went out for supper. When it was time to go home, I met a beautiful woman inside the elevator. I kept looking at her, and my cousin saw the situation and whispered softly in my ear: What's nice to see, a shadow killer. Well, you didn't even see the face, how did you know it was the Shadow Killer?

9. After several months of staying up late and fighting, the college entrance examination is finally over, and the three children's shoes in the same dormitory are finally relieved. A: "Finally finished the exam, I seem to be ten years old again." B: "You are better than me, and my life seems to have ten years left." C: "You're all so good, I seem to have been dead for ten years." ”

10, the wife's mother's home is close, go back to dinner at noon, lazy to do it at night and go again. When the 6-year-old nephew saw her, he asked, "Aunt, why are you here again?" Looking at it again, the wife was carrying pizza in her hand, and the little nephew was happy, and immediately changed his mouth: "Aunt, how did you come?" ”

11, rural children have long been in charge, when I was only five years old, my mother taught me to work. Once I helped my mother pick beans, and I wanted to pick out all the silk of the beans. My mother taught me that some of the beans are more tender than the beans, so you don't have to pick the silk. Saying that, my mother picked up a bean carob and showed it to me: just like this bean carob, it is silky! Then in an instant she pulled out a long string of bean carob silk. The old mother was stunned and said: The little rabbit cub is still tender!

12, sister-in-law is ready to go back to her mother's house, my brother is not free today, had to call a car, did not expect to come to a Maserati. My sister-in-law's family lives in the mountains, and after getting on the bus, my sister-in-law said to the driver: "The place I went to is relatively remote, and the map positioning does not allow me to show you the way!" The driver looked at the destination on the map, smiled and said: "It turned out to be here, I know, it is indeed very biased, last month to bring a second cargo to there, had to show me the way, the result of an alley for half an hour did not pour out." The sister-in-law immediately closed her mouth and took out a pair of sunglasses and put them on, thinking: "This world is really too small." ”

13, the local tycoon on a business trip met a beautiful flight attendant, chased for more than a year, finally together, not long after the flight attendant was pregnant, the two people bongzi married, to the time of birth, the flight attendant is tall, the child grows relatively large, smooth for a long time did not go down, and finally chose the caesarean section, the flight attendant almost lost half a life, the child nine pounds one or two. After the birth of the child, the mother-in-law praised the child as beautiful, like a flight attendant, and had long legs, saying that the daughter-in-law would give birth. The flight attendant did not say a word, and said to the local tycoon at night: "Your mother said in front of me every day that I would give birth, useless, Hugh wants to deceive me into having a second child."

14, their headphones are broken, so I plan to go to the electronic city to buy one. After arriving at the place, one of the photos asked the boss: How much is this? The boss looked at it and said: This is imported, may be more expensive, the original price is 500 yuan, now our store can engage in activities, as long as 350 yuan. I thought about it and thought it was a bit expensive, turned around and left, who knew that the boss saw that I was leaving, and said hurriedly: I see that you and I are more related, this headset 10 yuan for you.

15. Xiaoming wrote an essay and handed it to the teacher. Because the handwriting was too sloppy, the teacher looked up and down to look left and right, and he didn't even recognize a word, let alone understand the meaning in the text. So the teacher waved a large pen and wrote: Quite like a prescription, it is a doctor's material.