I was sleeping with my girlfriend in my arms, when I suddenly received a call from the boss: Xiao Zhang, Xiao Zhang, you don't have to go to work! I was suddenly taken aback, and wept bitterly and said: Boss, although I go to work to play games, I have been through

I was sleeping with my girlfriend in my arms, when I suddenly received a call from the boss: Xiao Zhang, Xiao Zhang, you don't have to go to work! I was suddenly taken aback, and wept bitterly and said: Boss, although I go to work to play games, often doze off, occasionally late, take two days off a week, and talk back to you from time to time, but I always have to say that there is nothing wrong with me, you can't fire me! The boss's impatient voice came from the phone: Don't put garlic on Lao Tzu, tomorrow is the day of your and my daughter's big day, you won't forget, right?

2. My dream was to marry a tough guy uncle, but I didn't expect to end up marrying a cream boy. 10 years later, now it is not cream, it is a peanut oil, regret ah. Now all day long beard pulling, me: Hey, shave your beard. Husband: Why, isn't that nice... Me: You're not fit to take the decadent route. Husband: So what route do I have to take? Me: The idiot route. Husband: I don't want to go the same route as you!

3. A flower girl in my dormitory, recently fell in love with a freshman little milk dog, but I never knew which department it was. Until one day, after many days of observation, she staged a magnificent porcelain bumping on the way the little milk dog rode by. The little dog kept apologizing. She glared at him angrily and said, "Is it useful to say sorry?" Unless you give me my phone number.

4. My colleague was promoted to manager, and as his best friend, I went to his house to celebrate. When I arrived at my colleague's house, I suddenly remembered that the garbage had not been dumped, and if my wife knew about it, I would definitely be scolded. Colleague: "What kind of man are you, the manly husband is afraid of his wife, if it is me..." Before the words were finished, his wife suddenly shouted from behind: "How about you?" The colleague said, "It was me, so I immediately dumped the garbage." ”

5. Go out shopping with my girlfriend and see a handsome guy in the distance looking at me, and emma is full of spring hearts. I couldn't help but feel happy in my heart, he immediately smiled and walked towards me, and suddenly I thought to myself if he asked me for a phone call to QQ to want V letter swollen? How do I answer? So nervous, then he came to me and gave me a takeaway order for Longjiang pig's foot rice, turned around, and disappeared into the crowd...

6. The wife and sister-in-law went shopping and bought an identical short skirt. When the wife came back, she said that her legs were not as thin as her sister's, and she felt that wearing a short skirt was not as good as her. With my experience with my wife for many years, my wife said such a thing, and I wanted to belittle my sister-in-law and praise her at this time. So I said: The skin on your legs is thin and tender, where can she compare with you? My wife glared at me and said, "Why do you know that the skin on her legs is rough?"

7. When my sister-in-law was 5 years old, I gave her a turtle, which has been kept for 20 years. From childhood to adulthood, the little sister-in-law and the turtle are inseparable, bathing and eating together. Yesterday, my sister-in-law suddenly asked me: Brother-in-law, how old is the turtle? I didn't know, so I opened my phone and wanted to check it online. Just listen to the sister-in-law and quietly say: Recently, when I was bathing with the turtle, I found that it looked at me a little wrong!

8. Some time ago, I sold two sets of Tomson houses and earned a lot of commissions. So I decided to take my girlfriend out to have a good meal and let her feel the upper class life. So I drove my collector's edition of Santana with my girlfriend to a French restaurant. After looking at the menu, I said to the waiter: Is there a peony shrimp? Waiter: Sorry, no. Me: Not even this, what restaurants do you open? After saying that, I left with my girlfriend, who asked me: How can there be peony shrimp in this kind of restaurant? Me: No, I looked at the menu, here a Buddha jumping off the wall costs 20,000 yuan, let's go!

  #Funny# #搞笑段子 #