A few days ago, my mother-in-law came to my house to stay. At night, my wife was cooking in the kitchen, and my mother-in-law secretly gave me 500 yuan and said to me: "Good son-in-law, my daughter is very concerned, give you some pocket money, too."

A few days ago, my mother-in-law came to my house to stay. At night, my wife was cooking in the kitchen, and my mother-in-law secretly gave me 500 yuan and said to me: "Good son-in-law, my daughter looks closely, give you some pocket money, and count it as private money."

I was touched and whispered, "Mom, I have my own private money." Mother-in-law: "Nonsense, these two days I helped you clean up, all the horns were cleaned, and I didn't find any private money!"

Me: "In the middle of the lid of the trash can." As soon as my voice dropped, I only heard my mother-in-law shouting loudly to my wife: "Daughter, I said, this man does not have a good thing, you still don't believe ..."

2, the brother-in-law bought a second-hand Tesla, and spent 200,000 yuan to change a set of batteries within two years of driving.

As a result, this battery took less than half a year, and it actually did not work.

The brother-in-law was particularly angry and went to the garage where he had replaced the battery in anger.

He asked the boss: When I bought the battery, you said that this battery can be used to scrap my car, and now it can't be used in less than half a year.

The garage owner apologized: I'm sorry, I thought your car would be finished in less than six months.

3 The wife wants to eat beef, and the local tycoon wants to make beef rice for his wife himself. The local tycoon drove a Lamborghini to the market to buy beef, and looked at a large piece for the boss to weigh down, and the boss said: 3 pounds. The local tycoon said: Too much, half of it is enough. The boss had to cut in half and then weighed, and the local tycoon asked the boss: How much? The owner said: 7 pounds. So the local tycoon said to the boss: Take another piece of 1.3 pounds. Then the local tycoon pays to leave: dare to play with me on the scale! Hum, the back came the boss and the next stall conversation: are the neighbors, I 1.75 pounds count her 1.7 pounds she does not want, not the 1.25 pounds of that piece as 1.3 pounds to pay me, really good people!

4 Today Qianqian drove her girlfriend to Qingqing. Qianqian parked the car by the river, her girlfriend and Qianqian got out of the car, Qianqian's golden hair whizzed out, and a puff of smoke disappeared. Her girlfriend and Qianqian were worried about the Golden Retriever, and ran after her, only to see the Golden Retriever sniffing in a circle around an off-road vehicle, and her girlfriend asked Qianqian: Is there a bad person in the car? Qianqian: My ex-boyfriend's car! Her girlfriend: ...

5 Before I got married, I once went to my husband's house for dinner. After eating, the old man pointed to a cow in the courtyard and said to me: This cow is very smart, you go to wipe the cow's feet, you can live a superior life in the future, clothes to reach out, food to open your mouth. In line with the principle of preferring to believe in what is there, not in its absence, I immediately went forward and wiped it down the cow's foot. I didn't expect the cow's hooves to fly, I fell to the ground in response, and the old man shouted: You fool, I am talking about the horns on the bull's head! In the next two months, I really had clothes to stretch out my hands, food to open my mouth, and life could not take care of myself at all!

6 Last night I went to the bar with my daughter-in-law, and when I came out, my daughter-in-law said that she wanted to buy a pair of sandals for the next day, and she wanted 500 oceans.

My daughter-in-law looked at me pitifully and said, "Handsome man, give me 500 yuan, and I'll go with you immediately..."

I was very generous and said, "200." ”

My daughter-in-law refused to comply and bargained with me, and I took a firm stand.

As a result, a strange buddy next to me came straight over and gave my daughter-in-law 500 yuan...

7 Dad borrowed 500,000 yuan to speculate in stocks, and finally lost all the money. He sold his house in the city to pay off the debt, and then took me and my mother back to the countryside to live. That time with my parents to go up the mountain to farm, watching the next door Spring Flower with her boyfriend, to her house to help, like a cow to work hard, I was very unhappy in my heart! I secretly swore in my heart: In the next life, I will also be a woman, find a son-in-law for my parents all over the mountains, and call them to help cultivate the land...

8 In the evening, I went shopping for vegetables near the community and met my elementary school math teacher. At that time, the vendor was asking me to weigh the dishes, and the teacher was standing next to me, and we exchanged a few words of greeting. At this time, the vendor handed me the weighed cucumber and said: Exactly three pounds. I said: One pound eight pieces, three eight twenty-seven, give you twenty-five! When I looked back, the teacher didn't say hello and left.

9 Sending the drunken landlady home, she had to drag me into her house.

What we were pulling was that the landlady tore my clothes and I quickly slipped away.

When I got home, I found needles and threads at home to sew.

But my eyes were a little too bad, and the thread couldn't get through.

I asked my wife to help with the needles, and she shouted for half a day that she was indifferent.

I was a little annoyed: "What's wrong with helping me put a needle in a thread!" ”

The wife responded strongly: "Good! You tell me whose girl I have a crush on? The old lady helps you to introduce! 

10 When I was in tsinghua before, there was a rich second-generation brother in the dormitory, and we had a good relationship with thieves. On this day, the two of us went out to play the alliance on the Internet, and first went to the supermarket to buy some food and drink. As a result, the buddies took a fancy to a girl in the supermarket, so they let me dress up as a bad person, and when the girl went out of the supermarket to bully the girl, then he went to the hero to save the United States. As a result, before I could finish the bad guy's debut line, I was beaten up by the big mothers in Chaoyang District... 

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