My cousin didn't study well, my cousin divorced him, so my cousin came to the city where we stayed to live in my house, and three months later my cousin tested that she was pregnant, and my aunt chased me after learning about it and asked about this time table

Cousin brother-in-law did not study well, cousin and he divorced, so cousin came to the city where we stayed to live in my house, three months later cousin detected pregnancy, aunt learned and chased me to ask whether cousin had contact with any man during this time, I said I don't know, why do I have to chase and ask

2. Wake up in the morning on a 10-square bed, get out of bed and let the nanny make a cup of coffee. I heard the outside shouting: "High-priced recycling of old refrigerators, old air conditioners, old washing machines..." My sister said: "Our refrigerator is a little small, let's change a refrigerator, right?" I said, "Consider it," and then my sister went to sell the old refrigerator. Then there was a fight with the vendor. I asked why, and the vendor said, "This big sister said that the refrigerator was bought in 2000 and wanted to sell me 2100." Sister: "Aren't you a high-priced recycler?" I didn't add much!"

3. Today, a zoologist came to the school to give a lecture. When asked how he had only one leg, he said: "I only had 7 seconds to confirm the memory of the fish. I hit the big fish on the head with a stick, but it didn't run away, I guess it forgot after 7 seconds, but it didn't, and it attacked my left leg. "So, you've paid a heavy price for science, proving that some fish don't just have 7 seconds of memory?" "No, I proved that crocodiles are not fish."

4, talk about what just happened, I sat on the bus to the county, a grandfather sat in a car for a long distance, gave the driver 2 yuan when he got off the car, still wrinkled, the driver did not speak, just whispered: Oh, two yuan. Then watch the old man get out of the car, and then talk to everyone and laugh and drive the car away!

5, the husband had a car accident. The wife asked the doctor anxiously, "Doctor, how is my husband?" The doctor regretted, "I'm sorry Madame, his heartbeat has stopped!" When the wife heard this, she did not panic, but said, "I have a way to make him recover his heartbeat!" Only to see her pull out her mobile phone and say: "Whenever I shop online, he will definitely have a fast heartbeat!" "Tick tock, the ECG is reacting!" The doctor exclaimed, "What a miracle! ”

6, was hungry at home playing a game, suddenly heard a knock on the door. I opened the door and saw that it was the guy who delivered the takeaway, carrying a lot of hairy crabs standing outside the door. I said, "You must be mistaken, I didn't order takeout." "I know that." The young man said: "This is your WeChat friend let me show you a glance, this is the food he is going to eat tonight, his mobile phone is broken, can not send the circle of friends." Hurry up, I have to run a dozen more! ”

7, yesterday afternoon to Chengdu to visit Chunxi Road, near Zhongshan Square saw a girl wearing a miniskirt, I actually saw nosebleeds, people around me looked at me with a perverted eye, I did not feel ashamed, but calmly wiped the nosebleed, took out the mobile phone, dialed their own number, and said in a low voice: "Doctor, my nose is bleeding again." Then there was a pause, and I hissed, "I don't do dialysis!" You tell me how long I can live? After a moment of silence, I smiled bitterly with tears in the corners of my eyes: "Half a year is long enough, thank you doctor." "After hanging up the phone, the eyes of the people around me changed, and they were all full of sympathy for me. The girl in the miniskirt also handed me a pack of fragrant facial tissues. Life is like a drama, all rely on acting skills!

8, the wife took a stack of bills to complain to her husband: "I blame you for eating and drinking at the beginning of the month, and now you have no money!" How do I pay for rent, water, electricity, and gas? "They all blame me for not being good, my problem is that if you have money, you have to spend it." The husband made a review, saw that the wife was a little discouraged, and added, "And your problem is: if you don't have money, you have to spend." ”

9, "Brother, what's wrong?" "Don't mention it, you're leaving with your sister-in-law." "Why?" "I went to her girlfriend's house that day, and it was late, and her girlfriend let us sleep in the master bedroom, and she slept in the guest room. "So what, you have insomnia?" "No, I... I fell asleep..."

10, cousin blind date, the matchmaker told her parents: "The family conditions are good, there is a garage, is the richest man!" "Later, my cousin got married, and it didn't take long to call my mother's family to borrow money!" Her mother said, "Isn't your husband rich?" Why ask your mother to borrow money? The cousin said: "No money, there is a garage, the down payment also has to repay the loan!" After hearing this, her mother said angrily: "Bragging about the richest man, borrow money to pretend to be the richest man!" ”

1 Junior high school with friends to go home from school, there are bats flying particularly low and then really on the door of my brain and then flew away, that furry touch I cried on the spot, I asked my friend, "Isn't there an ultrasound that encounters obstacles and will fly away, how can it still fly to the brain door?" The friend thought for a moment and said, "Because you don't have a brain." ”

12, just went for a walk, saw a boy standing on the side of the road, a girl holding a large ragdoll crept close to him, "Hi" smashed at the back of his head, haha laugh. The boy turned and glared angrily, "Are you sick?!" The girl was frightened, and then the boy took her hand and said affectionately: "If it is not physically uncomfortable, how can it be played so lightly?" ”

13, eat buffet with girlfriends, girlfriends said: when I was a child, I dreamed that I had a twin sister, and I wouldn't lose money when I ate buffets... I looked at the empty plates on the table and said to my girlfriend: In fact, you don't need to have twins, you are more cattle than other twins, and you will not lose money if you eat alone...

14, my girlfriend took me to her girlfriend's birthday party, during which her girlfriend had to invite me to dance, I originally did not want to agree. But you think, people's birthdays, I rejected in public is not a little impersonal. So I agreed, and it turned out that my girlfriend was inching forward, dancing 5 songs with me in one night, and when we separated, I found that my girlfriend had disappeared long ago. Hurrying home, I found that the door locks had been changed, and the door was not opened in the middle of the night, and there was no place to live, so I had to go to her girlfriend. This was half a year ago, and now my children are 1 year old.