After marrying the chairman's daughter of more than 300 pounds, I was promoted from security guard to general manager. I got a salary of 700,000 yesterday. After work in the evening, I came to a chicken stall and asked, "One chicken."

After marrying the chairman's daughter of more than 300 pounds, I was promoted from security guard to general manager.

I got a salary of 700,000 yesterday. After work in the evening, I came to a chicken stall and asked, "How much does a chicken cost?" ”

Boss: "60! ”

I remember my wife telling me before that I should learn to halve while shopping.

So he said, "Half, half, 30." ”

Boss: "Okay! Right away. ”

So he picked up the knife and fell, and the skilled knifeman threw the bag down.

I happily took the roast chicken home and said to my wife, "Wife, you said I didn't bargain. I bargained successfully today. I cut it in half. The owner asked for 60 pieces and I cut it into 30 pieces. ”

My wife took the roast chicken, opened it, and slapped me: "You even cut the roast chicken and bought half of it." What's the bargain? ”

On the weekend in February, my sister's family of three drove out on a trip. Except for the brother-in-law who was driving, he was not careless and sober-minded, and my sister and niece fell asleep to the bumps of the car. Suddenly, my sister asked, "How long have I been asleep?" Before her brother-in-law could answer, her niece looked at the navigator blindfolded and said, "From 300 kilometers to 400 kilometers!" Sister: "Is it so evil?" ”

3. When a male colleague and a female colleague are joking, the man accidentally sprays perfume into the woman's eyes, and the woman suddenly goes blind. The man reassured, "It doesn't matter. If you're blind, I'll raise you for the rest of your life. It happened that the man's girlfriend came to wait for him to leave work and heard the words at the door. The man turned and saw his girlfriend. His expression stiffened. He immediately took the female colleague to his girlfriend and said, "Come on, call Mom!" ”

My sister-in-law is getting married soon. She wanted a gold necklace. I got the money and bought it at the gold shop. I proudly asked, "How much is this gold?" The salesman politely said, "3850!" I was surprised: "So cheap? Then I asked for 100 pounds, packed and taken away. After the salesman said yes, he calculated the price and said, "Hello, 38 million in total." How do you pay? I was angry: "What do you mean?" Bully me for being rich, right? Isn't 100 pounds 380,000? Salesperson: "You're wrong. Gold is measured in grams. What I just told you is 3850 grams. ”

I haven't eaten big fish and meat a few times since I was a kid, which makes me greedy when I see these things. That day, my father and I went fishing in a fish pond and caught a big turtle. Our whole family was so happy, we washed the turtle, put it in a pot and stewed it, and then my father went out. At that time, the whole house was filled with the scent of turtles. I couldn't resist its temptation, so I took out a turtle shell icon and ate it!! After eating, I threw the shell into the kennel. When Dad came back, I said: Dad, the dog took the turtle shell and ate it!! As soon as my father saw the jar, he kicked me directly: Fart, will the dog take the turtle shell and close the jar?

Today, I will stay at home and play games. The landlord called and said that he would charge utilities later. When she came in, she suddenly said: Why is this room so hot? How can you sleep? I thought it was a hint that I should install an air conditioner for myself. I immediately fanned the flames: yes, it was hot at night, and there was no wind coming in! The landlord sighed and then said very seriously: You really have to work hard. If you buy a house in the future, you don't have to suffer. Then she took a large bunch of keys and left in a dashing manner.

After graduating from college, my brother-in-law chose to start his own business. As a result, he soon went bankrupt, so he borrowed money to buy a Porsche to run Didi. That night, my brother-in-law pulled five practitioners to the door of the bar and reached the destination for 125 yuan. The gangsters said: There is no money, you see what to do! When his brother-in-law saw that he had met a villain, he thought it was better to do more than less, so he drove away. When I got home, I found an unopened ticket in my seat, so my brother-in-law found out he had won the lottery when he cashed out the lottery at home! He took the hard-won 3 million and bought an even more expensive Audi r8icon to run Didi!

8. After the sister and brother-in-law had their wisdom teeth removed at the dentist's office, the brother-in-law and sister went to the BMW 4S shop to see the car. That's when my sister fell in love with 520. My sister asked the sales manager: How much is it? The sales manager said: 470,000. My sister thought she could take the card out of her LV bag and plan to swipe it. The brother-in-law was unable to speak because he had bitten the cotton, so he quickly took his sister's hand. After spitting out a mouthful of blood, he squeezed out three words to the sales manager: Less. As a result, the staff of the 4S store was startled and gave my sister a full discount of 40,000 yuan!!!!

9. A rich man took a fancy to the divorced landlord of KTV and chased her for half a year. After writing the 99th letter, the landlady wrote back: 61 big words, nothing to say. The rich man did not understand, thought about it repeatedly, and had to ask his son. The son explained: 61, it was made by a girl in the music department. Use sound names to find their meaning!!!!

On the 10th day, after foxconn, our female supervisor came to my rental house for a drink. As a result, she didn't drink enough and drank two bottles of beer. I couldn't help her alone, so she had to let her stay in my house. After the female supervisor fell asleep, I thought about it on the couch for a long time. Finally, I walked back into the room and saw the angelic face and devilish figure of the female supervisor. I gently took the dollar coin next to my pillow and thought to myself: Sail carefully for thousands of years, or keep it in your pocket to make sure it's safe. #Funny# #Humor# #搞笑 #