My ex-girlfriend sent a circle of friends to say that she had opened a fruit shop, so I went to take care of her business. After walking to the store, I asked, "Are the boss grapes sweet?" She looked at me stunned for a long time and said

My ex-girlfriend sent a circle of friends to say that she had opened a fruit shop, so I went to take care of her business. After walking to the store, I asked, "Are the boss grapes sweet?" She looked at me stunned for a long time and said, "Very sweet." Me: "I don't want to eat something sour." Ex-girlfriend: "There are oranges." Me: "Are oranges sweet?" Ex-girlfriend: "Oranges are not sweet, but they are sour." Me: "That's fine, but I don't like oranges." The ex-girlfriend looked at me angrily and could not speak for a long time.

2, the ex-girlfriend got married on National Day, I "took the initiative" to call congratulations, and then asked in detail about the preparation, how many tables to set up? How much cigarettes do you buy? How much is the wine? The ex-girlfriend said doubtfully: a hundred bottles of wine, twenty yuan a box of cigarettes, the number of banquets has not yet been determined. What do I do, you ask? Me: As your ex-boyfriend, I'm bound to be polite when you get married, I'll count your size and decide how much to give. If there are a thousand pieces of wine per table, then I will give three hundred yuan in gifts, so that none of us will lose. The ex-girlfriend quickly said: Brother, I have received your kindness, you must not come to the wedding... Me: Oh, to avoid embarrassment, I'm not going, but I'm going to be polite. There are also your cigarettes and alcohol to buy expensive, I know the manufacturer, can directly supply, avoid middlemen to earn the difference, wholesale price of ten yuan a box of cigarettes, seventy-one bottles of wine. My ex-girlfriend was skeptical of my enthusiasm, and she tentatively asked: What do you do? Me: I opened a smoking hotel! Beep, beep, beep...

3, last year to visit the old uncle's house, was stunned by the IQ of the cousin! At that time, there was a group of people in the uncle's family, seven aunts and eight aunts asked my cousin, do you have a girlfriend, when to be married, when to get married, said a lot, and then the cousin broke out. He said that the girlfriend had already arrived, that is, the relatives could not afford to be fixed, the old man wanted two million dowry, the family money was not enough, you can see if you can point no, and then the seven aunts and eight aunts found a reason to leave very early!。。。

4, after returning from physical education class, a male classmate got hot and took off his coat to expose his shoulders. The joke is: "You see, my skin is like a shelled egg." The same table was silent for half a moment, and said a sentence in particular seriousness: "It's a brine tea egg!" ”

5, in physics class, I dropped a small book with a formula at the same table, seeing that she was not busy picking it up, I was ready to bend down to help her pick it up, and as a result, I just had the intention of moving and was stopped by my table, saying a sentence that I still think is very philosophical: "Don't pick it up, let it reflect on the ground for a while, otherwise it will not lose a long memory." "Well, there's nothing wrong with that.

6, during the summer vacation, because I was relatively idle at home, I found a job to deliver takeaways. I was mainly responsible for an office building. Every day from noon to noon to deliver takeaway, the security guard needs an ID card. Later, colleagues said to wear a suit so that no one would stop them. So I took out the suit that my father bought that he didn't want to wear, and when he delivered the takeaway, it was really effective. Now the security guard not only opened the door for me personally, but also asked with a smile: Boss, why do you still go to buy food yourself!

7, colleagues discussed going to the wild barbecue on the weekend, asking everyone to bring something, some said to bring lamb skewers chicken wings, some said beer drinks, and some said burnt cakes and cold dishes... When it came to Xiao Fat, he said, "I'll take my mouth to..." Colleagues are anxious: "Only with a mouth is not enough!" Xiao Chu smiled: "I'll take some snacks, it's snacks!"

8, go to RT-Mart at night to buy snacks for his wife, and see a Lolita when queuing up to check out, which looks very cute! After a while, a man cut in line and stepped in front of Lori! Lori said weakly, "Uncle can you not cut in line, I have an urgent matter!" The man who cut in the queue snorted disdainfully, and ignored Lori for the next second, and Lori directly threw one of the man's over-the-shoulders to the ground. Then he roared: "The old lady talks to you well and you don't listen, it's really unpacking!" ”

9) Me: "You never seem to have said goodnight to me." Girlfriend: "No, you searched our chat history for the keyword 'good night' to try." Me: "Searched, you only said once: I'll have a "good night" line to pick you up." "Girlfriend: ...

10, I passed a kindergarten door! A buddy, a drifter parked the car in the parking space, and after getting out of the car, he said loudly: "Son! Get off the bus and be late! Then he opened the back door and said another word that left us speechless! Oops, kids forgot to bring it!

1 There is a second commodity, who is particularly obedient when listening to the teacher, and when he does not listen, he dies and talks back. In a math class, the teacher walked up to him and said: "This is not good to learn after the whole ah" The goods bowed their heads and said: "You care about me, I plant the land and herd sheep" The math teacher glanced back at him and said: "Winter, ice and snow, what kind of land do you go to, there is no grass in winter, I want the sheep to starve to death!" Why are you so bad? ”。 The whole class was in an instant uproar...

12, once when doing research reports, to my roommate, called out the name a few times, he took the mobile phone and went up, waited for him for a long time, honey juice embarrassed, asked him if he could start, he said wait a while, I hid the hero in the grass ...

13, yesterday the little nephew was picked up by his brother after school, when passing the supermarket, the little nephew quarreled to eat snacks. There was no way, the brother had to go and buy snacks for the little nephew. At the final checkout, the cashier said: A total of 180 yuan. The brother handed over 200 yuan, and the cashier said very politely: Collect your 200, find you 20. Reaching out and handing his brother two 10 yuan, the little nephew wanted one as soon as he saw the money, and hurriedly said: Daddy, I need some money. The cashier listened stunned, then put the money in the money counter and said: Your son said to ask for money, and he ordered it for you

14, last night my husband came home drunk, I was a little unhappy, I didn't expect him to come back and get drunk, I suddenly knelt down in front of the mirror for half a day, I was still wondering what was wrong, I saw him look solemn, said a sentence "too tm handsome, admired and admired" and then prostrated more than ten heads