1. A woman was caught by her husband on the spot, and her husband brandished a kitchen knife and asked her: "What did you say before you died?" She said, "This is the end of the matter, if you want to kill, you will be cut down, and you will not say anything."

1. A woman was caught by her husband on the spot, and her husband brandished a kitchen knife and asked her: "What did you say before you died?" She said, "It's over, if you want to kill, you have to be slashed, and you, the untrustworthy person, have nothing to say." Husband: "When did I stop talking?" Wife: "Didn't you say you wouldn't come back today?" ”

2. The brother-in-law is a programmer at a media company. During the company lunch break, the brother-in-law visited the online store to see clothes. A beautiful colleague joked to him: Buy a dress for me to wear! Unexpectedly, the brother-in-law said generously: Yes, 500 yuan or less to pick casually. The female colleague said suspiciously: Really, are there any conditions? The brother-in-law waved his hand and said: There is no requirement, but the clothes are only given to you to wear, as for other things, naturally it is my right!?

3, I drove my wife's car to the department store to buy two boxes of Moutai wine, followed by a Lexus LX570, the high beam was so bright that I couldn't open my eyes. I was so angry that I stopped him and asked him, "Why do you still have high beams in the city?" He said, "No, I opened the near light." ”?? Then we were both very confused, and we studied there for half a day.?? The buddy suddenly said excitedly, "Brother, I know, it's not that I turn on the high beam, it's that your McLaren chassis is too low!" ”?

4. Husband: What are the results of this final exam? Son: The teacher gave me a prize. Husband Daxi: Ah! That must have done very well. What prizes are issued? Son: Two pain tablets! My husband wondered: What does this mean? Son: The teacher said that before showing the exam papers to the parents, he told me to eat the pain tablets first! Otherwise I won't be able to stand it! Husband: Ah!

5. When I came to the company early this morning, my colleagues all looked at my P shares. A colleague next to me whispered to me: Have you been working out recently? Find that you are silent and warped. I said: Well, practice pull-ups at home. Colleagues were surprised and said: The effect is so obvious, this is a few days of practice? I answered: Just last night, I practiced pull-ups on the door frame and pulled the door down, and my mother swollen my P strands with a broom.

6, just dumped by people, on the street saw a couple kissing. I thought, can't let couples bully people on the street, and then I rush over with my cute big long legs. Here comes a sentence: Brother, this is not as good looking as the one in the hotel yesterday. Then run at the speed of a 100-meter sprint. The woman slapped the man and flew away, leaving the man messy in the wind.

7, I like the company secretary for a long time, today I confessed to her, so he asked a question. You eat 6/10 and I eat 4/10, so how much do I have to pay??? I thought about it and replied: 40 yuan, this is too simple, good luck I am also a graduate of Tsinghua University, how can such a simple difficult me. The little secretary shook his head and said, "Hey, you should have been single and couldn't find a girlfriend." Guys said, where did I miscalculate, why did she say I couldn't find a girlfriend???

8. The three-year-old son has just learned to walk and is wearing open crotch pants. Today my son picked up the toys on the ground, and he couldn't pick them up several times, so we watched what the baby would do. Suddenly, the son reached it with all his strength, and at the same time let go of a loud fart, frightening himself into throwing away something and turning around and running. Haha, my own fart actually scared myself.

9. When my daughter was just beginning to understand things, one day, she touched the cup of water on the coffee table to the ground. With a snap, it shattered. The daughter was terrified and stood there overwhelmed, tears swirling in her eye sockets. I hurried over and picked up my daughter and said, "Thank you baby, the years are safe!" Breaking a cup is a good thing. To comfort her, all I can say is this.?

10. After working as a courier in SF for two months, he bought a bird electric car with his saved salary, and then gave the old one to his father-in-law. As a result, my father-in-law rode out to buy vegetables today, and the tram rutted off one, and my father-in-law fell into a half-body failure. During the hospitalization, his mother-in-law greeted him attentively every day. She personally fed her father-in-law food and often comforted him. A year passed, and my father-in-law couldn't stand it anymore and asked, "Why don't you give up on me?" Is it because you love me? "Fool, I'm your wife, do you need a reason to take care of you?" The mother-in-law said while rubbing the father-in-law's flying goddess to set a sign. "

11. My husband had to eat dinner at home before accompanying me to Wanda to go shopping. I said: Husband, you said that the other little girl's high heels are really beautiful, you say that her feet don't hurt, why can't I wear high heels? Husband: Why can't you wear high heels? Me: My feet hurt. Then my husband looked at me with deep meaning and said: Which fat man have you ever seen on stilts?

#Funny Moment# #年度搞笑名场面 #