Hello, I'm learned love.
We all know that divorce will definitely bring psychological harm to the children, and many parents are very aware of this, so when they face divorce, they must be very cautious and forward-looking. Some people even choose to postpone the divorce in order to reduce the impact on their children, or choose two people to continue to make it up. So, what specific harm will marriage cause to the child?
First, the sense of abandonment.
Divorce also indicates the dissolution of the marital relationship, which means the dissolution of the family. For the child, the family does not exist, and he is abandoned. In the child's mind, the father and mother are separated, and they each have a different direction of life that they have chosen, and this direction does not necessarily carry themselves, so he feels abandoned.
This feeling of abandonment is the complete opposite of the power of the feeling of love.
In the case of Liu Xuezhou, a boy who was looking for relatives that can shock people some time ago, we can see that in his short life, he was abandoned by his parents twice. These two times by her parents abandoned, so that she lost her hope for life, for life, and finally chose to say goodbye to the world, of course, this is a very extreme example. From this incident, we can also see how much the feeling of abandonment affects a person! He will make the child's sense of self-worth almost disappear, resulting in a strong sense of meaninglessness, uselessness and helplessness.
Second, become less belonging and secure.
The family is gone, and the sense of belonging to the parents and the family that the child has cultivated from an early age will also be dispersed! At this time, the child's heart, he will become very very insecure, because he does not know where he belongs, does not know the future life, how should he be arranged, with his father or with his mother? In the future, can your life be loved by your parents like other children? With these worries in mind, they may henceforth become very fragile, live carefully, always live like birds of fright, and some children try to pretend to be strong.
Third, a strong sense of self-blame and guilt.
Children are still young, life experience and consciousness have not yet reached a very mature state, they may observe from their own point of view, feel that the parents quarreled over something and then finally separated, and even said that they may know that this has nothing to do with them, but they can not accept it. Psychologically, they must think that their parents are separated because they are not good enough on their own, because they are not capable of bringing their parents together. So they will feel deep self-blame and guilt, and psychologically produce a very serious sense of self-blame and guilt. Later in life, they may become very inferior, always feel that they are not good enough, they are always so incompetent, and this feeling will continue until they become adults.
Fourth, doubts and denials about intimate relationships
For a child, his father is the closest person in the world, and his mother is also the closest person in the world, but the two people closest to him are separated, which sends him a signal that he will mentally have a very serious denial and doubt about this intimate relationship between people and people. Will he feel that there is still an intimate relationship between people and people? Is it still worth believing?
Later in this life, it was difficult for him to get close to other people, and it was difficult to become very close. When he grows up, when he starts falling in love on his own or needs to enter into marriage, he will always lack this intimacy with his lover or lover. His doubts and denials about this intimate relationship will always bother him, making his psychology very contradictory, wanting to be intimate, but there are doubts and denials.
He doesn't believe that people can still have a very close relationship, her parents are separated, he doesn't feel that there is anything special about him than his parents that allows her to maintain this intimate relationship, so eventually his emotional or marriage will be very bumpy. This is what we often call the marriage pattern, which is inherited from generation to generation.
The above four points are the most important points that we have distilled from the many harms that this divorce has done to children.
Of course, the performance of each child is different, parents to try to reduce the harm of divorce to the child, must first know what specific psychological harm the divorce will bring to the child, and then can be targeted to reduce and make up.
I am learned. Learn love, harvest love, and achieve a good marriage and family life.