8 kinds of torturous "toxic intimacy", which one are you?

Everyone craves perfect intimacy, and we've all worked hard to that end.

In intimate relationships: a good relationship will make both parties' bodies and minds nourished, more and more sweet, more and more happy.

A bad relationship can make both parties physically and mentally exhausted and hurt in the relationship.

01

A relationship that one struggles to support

If you are in a relationship for a long time and feel that only you are desperately paying, feeling powerless or trapped, then the relationship will be difficult to maintain. Source: 525 Psychological Network

Because the relationship is two-sided.

If a love or marriage is dominated and controlled by only one person, then the other person in the relationship loses their freedom. And freedom is our most real and most difficult to balance need in love.

02

Over-dependent relationships

Love is inherently interdependent, but this dependence does not make you lose yourself and lose the right to make yourself happy. If your relationship is around him for 24 hours, then the pain will soon follow.

Because the truth is: only you can accompany you for 24 hours, if he is not there, you will feel intense loneliness and loneliness, then this dependence brings pain and loss.

What you can do is take responsibility for your own life, take responsibility for your emotions, and hold the other person accountable for his emotions. Seeing each other grow in responsibility is the greatest gift of love to us.

One's happiness and the meaning of existence should not be based on others, and if you desire to use the other half to make yourself whole, it also means that your world is no longer complete without him. When you are unable to provide all the happiness to yourself, his presence becomes a matter of gain and loss.

03

Constantly compare relationships

Whether you're proving that your current relationship is good by blaming your past life and partner, or you're proving that you've lost money by blaming your current partner, it's a very bad thing to do.

In such a relationship, every day we are trying to prove and compare with the past. This is actually a lose-lose approach, on the one hand, negating the past self, on the other hand, using the mistakes of the past to manipulate the current relationship.

Any manipulated relationship lacks sincerity. A sincere relationship should be to accept the past and not blame the past.

If we can't live well in the present moment, even if we have it all now, we won't know how to cherish it. Leave the past to the past, whatever the past is, it is already over. Now, at this moment, it is the most important thing that determines your future every day.

04

Overly idealized relationships

Each of us has our own fantasies about "love" and "the other half". These fantasies may come from the trauma of the original family, may come from fairy tales, may come from TV series.....

But in fact, no relationship is perfect. No one can "always" meet your expectations. If there's someone who will always meet your expectations, he's not being his "true self."

We used to say: If you take good care of me, I will take good care of you. But now we should say this: If I take good care of myself for you, you have to take good care of yourself for me.

Any real relationship will never be perfect, but that doesn't mean our efforts are ineffective. On the contrary, it is precisely because of imperfection that we can do something and make some effort in each other's lives.

05

Dishonest relationships

What are marriage and love most afraid of? It is deception, betrayal.

Are you honest and honest in marriage and love? Maybe you'll say, "I didn't lie, I just didn't tell him." Or: "I didn't lie to him, I just didn't want to hurt him." ”

But you forget that what attracted you to each other in the first place was honesty. Because honesty and trust are precious, you are willing to tell him some of your own unsatisfactory, let him tolerate and comfort you.

But when did "not say" turn out to be a weapon to avoid quarrels? After a while you will understand that only honesty can bring about the possibility of forgiveness and forgiveness.

06

The relationship between cold war and attack is full of cold war and attack

Sarcasm, rhetoric, and non-utterance are not the best way to face conflict, and although there is fear hidden, behind every fear, there is a passion for the relationship.

Try to express yourself openly, your feelings and thoughts, and if the other person really cares about the relationship, they will be willing to make some efforts for each other.

07

Emotional blackmail in relationships

In love and marriage, we often see the phenomenon: "I'm good to you, so you have to be good to me!" Or: "I've done it all, and you're not doing anything yet." "Because I want it, you need to give." Wait a minute.

This is "emotional blackmail", love and relationships are not buying and selling. We can't force each other to do anything because of our demands. In intimate relationships, all flow should be natural and willing.

We don't have to answer each other's needs. Sometimes the other person's demands are against your will, you need to clarify your position and boundaries, try to say what you want and don't want, and establish a line of mutual comfort in the relationship.

08

Snubbed love

Our lives today are hectic: work takes time, relationships take time, and even meals take time.

Many people think that after falling in love, they can leave it alone, but feelings need to take time to manage more than other things, because people's hearts know cold and warm best. Love and relationships are not real estate, and you can stay in place until you are tired of playing and think about it.

You need to have enough time to discuss the things you care about, how you feel about certain things, and the hard-to-talk topics you care about.

The most rare thing about a relationship is that you can be with the other person without the limitations of time.

He is not as perfect and important as you think, but the time you spend together and the difficulties you have overcome have left a deep and shallow mark on each other's memories, and you have witnessed each other in love, and you have seen more possibilities of love in each other's efforts.

Dear friend, if you encounter these problems in your relationship, you need to seriously examine your relationship: what needs to be adjusted and changed.