1. When I was just in junior high school, I ran away from class at home for a week, and when I was eating, my father asked me: "How is my recent study?" I said, "Let's do it!" "Daddy came up with a kick

1. When I was just in junior high school, I ran away from class at home for a week, and when I was eating, my father asked me: "How is my recent study?" I said, "Let's do it!" The old man came up and kicked and said, "The teacher has called home and skipped class for a week, you really can do it!" The mother advised, "Don't kick the child." "I thought it was better to be my mother." Then I heard, "Tie him up and smoke him with a belt!" ”

2, the eve of the college entrance examination, the father told his son: "Son, relax, don't be nervous, take the test well, I have found a good relationship, although the background is very hard, but also have to go through the program." The son nodded: "Dad, you can rest assured, I will play well, right, who are you looking for?" Dad: "Guanyin Bodhisattva." ”

3, changed the new class teacher, male, very handsome. Today Monday, there is a parent-teacher meeting, let the parents and the class teacher get acquainted, my brother is going on a business trip, so let me go on his behalf. I heard this guy say, "Teacher, tell me about me, this is my aunt and your future wife!" "Seeing for the first time what an awkward but polite smile looks like...

4. I remember when I was in high school, I once ran away from class for a week on my back, and when I was eating, my father asked: "How are you studying recently?" I said, "That's it." Dad came up and kicked and said, "The teacher has called home and said you haven't been in class for a week." The mother advised, "Don't kick the child." I thought to myself that my mother was still upset with me, and then she added: "Or take the feather duster." ”

5. Before getting married, my mother called my sister over to teach her the tricks of doing housework at home. After listening to it, my sister went to the kitchen and washed it three or two times. Her husband came over and took the bowl, took a closer look at it, and said, "Wife, you haven't washed the bowl!" The sister patiently explained to her husband: "Honey, in general, smart people usually can't wash dishes cleanly. His husband nodded thoughtfully and did not speak. It turned out that it had been 3 days, and I had never used a clean bowl.

6. When I was eating at noon today, I heard the two people next door arguing. The woman yelled, "You stop me, don't go, it's snowing so much outside, are you still going?" The man said, "Wife, in order to make you live a better life, even if I go up the knife mountain and go down to the sea of fire, no one can stop me." "I'm going, a nice scene!" I almost cried when I heard it, so I ran out and asked the woman, "It's snowing so much, what big project is your husband going to do?" Then she said, "Buy lottery tickets." ”

7, the wife picked up the four-year-old son on the way home, the son said: "Today the teacher praised me for being very talented." The moment of being a mother was full of excitement: "Of course! Nor do you look at who gave birth. Then he asked, "Why did the teacher praise you?" I pulled the in my crotch today!

8, my wife told me a few days ago that she would give me a big gift on my birthday, and I was waiting for this day with great anticipation! Finally, on the day of my birthday, my wife took a bag and handed it to me: "Husband, happy birthday, this bag I picked for a long time, I think it is particularly suitable for you, it is a little expensive, it cost you a month's salary!" I looked at my wife with a look of guilt and comforted her: "It doesn't matter, the money will be earned again, but why did you give me a lady's bag?" ”

9, the old classmates party, must have talked about the status of the family after marriage, a brother spit everywhere, and finally everyone believed in his absolute authority at home. The person's mobile phone rang and answered the phone: "Wife, our classmates are partying, well, many people, but it is hilarious!" I booed next to me, and everyone understood, and suddenly it was quiet, which can be described as silent. The goods were in a hurry: "You are talking!" feed! Wife! I'm really partying..."

10, about to hand in the paper, the invigilator found that the Xiaoming question was not finished, but in writing the date, so he said to him: "The date can not be written, seize the time to do the question." Xiaoming raised his head and said seriously, "Teacher, I just want to write more about the right things on the test paper!" "Teacher...

11, that day I looked through the glass, quietly looking at your sexy body naked in my current writhing, the water gently caressed your skin, I can no longer resist your temptation... I said, "Boss, I want this fish!" ”

12, you travel to Xishuangbanna, Yunnan, on the way encountered a group of wild boar siege, passengers are out of food, money, wild boar is not moved, you take out the only ID card, the group of wild boars kneel and cry bitterly: "Boss, we can find you." ”

13. In the grade boys' basketball game, our class basketball team won the first place. I said to Wang Xiaomeng and a few of their team members: "Great, I didn't expect you to win the 2nd class!" Wang Xiaomeng looked at me and said, "Teacher, don't look at people in the cracks of the door--look at people flat." I slapped him in the face and said, "You don't believe me to study physics well!" It is impossible to look at people in the cracks of the door and look down on people! ”

14, the mother-in-law died early, the father-in-law retired and remarried with a female model, half a year after marriage, the female model gave birth to a son to the father-in-law. Last night I slept under the bed, and the female model said to her father-in-law: "Husband, when our little treasure gets married, we may be 80 years old!" The father-in-law said, "Yeah, I might have to go to my child's wedding on crutches!" Then the father-in-law hesitated for a moment and said, "No, I will strengthen my exercise from tomorrow onwards!" Female model: "Really?" Are you going to go hiking, or are you going for a run? Father-in-law: "No, I'm going to buy a crutch tomorrow and adapt to walking with a crutch in advance!" ”