01
The patriarchal family atmosphere must be discordant and full of hostility.
Girls who grow up in such a family will spend their lives making up for the psychological deficiencies brought about by the family.
And such a backward view, I don't know how many girls cry behind their backs.
The girls in the next two cases, in the incomprehensible family, ruined the good mood of going home for the New Year.
Xiaoling's family is an authentic rural person, and after graduating from junior high school, her parents did not give her the opportunity to study again.
She helped with farm work at home for two years, and her parents asked the young people in the village to take Xiaoling to the city and let her find a job to earn money.
XiaoLing was introduced by her fellow villagers to a restaurant in the city to wash dishes and cut vegetables. Because of his work, he was cheerful and quickly changed from a kitchen to a waiter.
Xiaoling is handy for the work of the waiter, her voice is clear, her legs and feet are sharp, and even the boss is full of praise.
The business in the shop is good, Xiaoling often has to work overtime at night, and when she returns to the dormitory, she can't straighten her waist when she is tired.
Every time she was tired and lying in bed, her heart was also happy. Because in her hometown, she did not say that she worked hard, and she could not end up with a good one.
It turned out that Xiaoling also had a five-year-old brother on the head, who had not been doing his job, and could not go down to drop out of school until the second year of high school.
After not going to school, he wandered around the village every day and found him several jobs that he could not continue.
Either dirty or tired, the parents simply can't control this unformed brother.
But what makes Xiaoling most chilling is that her parents are extremely patriarchal.
The living brother in the family did not have to do it, while Xiaoling was instructed by her parents to be busy.
Their family has a watermelon field, and the watermelon gradually matures in the summer. However, in order to prevent others from stealing melons, they will take turns to send people to guard in the small shed next to the melon fields.
During the day, everyone let the children on vacation come out to see the melon, and at night, they change the men in the family to watch.
Originally, Xiao Ling's melon shed should be her brother going during the day, but her brother was always playing and couldn't sit still, so her mother instructed Xiao Ling to go.
But girls are not safe in the melon shed even during the day, and there is no one in the village who lets girls go.
Xiao Ling couldn't go to a few times, the hot and boring little shed, Xiao Ling often stayed for a day. The brother was blowing air conditioning and playing games in the town's Internet café.
The mother not only did not let her brother work, but also gave her son any good food for the first time.
The snacks that the family usually bought were hidden by the brother, and sometimes the brother would be shouted into the small kitchen by his mother alone, and it took half a day to come out.
When she was young, Xiaoling was very hungry, but she knew that those were not her share...
Tired Xiaoling, recalling the days at home, felt that now no matter how bitter it was, there was still a salary.
With the addition of overtime pay, she can earn more than three thousand a month. Most of Xiao Ling's salary, which was accustomed to savings, was saved.
By saving money, she feels safe. Before leaving the village, her mother told her in a rare kind tone not to spend money indiscriminately.
It's not the New Year soon, and the restaurant owner is ready to give the staff a few days off, and it is time to rest after a busy year.
There were six days of vacation, Xiaoling happily packed her luggage, and went to the supermarket to buy a lot of gifts and food.
Although her parents preferred sons to daughters, after a busy year, she really missed her family.
After buying her things, she went to the bus station and went back to her hometown.
After a few hours of driving, she reached the mouth of the village. He also called his brother and asked him to come to the village to pick her up.
After a while, my brother came over in his pajamas and slippers, his hair disheveled.
Without saying a word, he took the things in Xiao Ling's hand and walked back slowly.
Xiao Ling looked at her brother's sloppy look, wanted to say something but didn't know how to open her mouth.
After arriving home, her mother looked at the things in XiaoLing's hands happily and hurriedly received them.
Xiao Ling was also given a bowl of hot chicken soup with a piece of chicken in it.
Xiao Ling drank warmly, thinking that her mother was distressed that she had worked hard outside for a year.
Chinese New Year's Eve meal prepared by her mother was quite sumptuous, and she and her brother ate very well. The happy and harmonious appearance of the family made Xiao Ling's mouth have an unstoppable smile.
The next morning, her mother called Xiaoling to get up and walk around the town. Xiao Ling quickly got dressed and followed her mother to town.
There are not many shops open on the first day of the Chinese New Year, but there are also shopkeepers who have not returned home for the New Year.
The mother took Xiaoling into a clothing store, and while picking it out, she said, "Xiaolinger, your father and your brother haven't bought new clothes for a year." You buy them some new clothes and make sure you're happy! ”
Xiao Ling didn't think too much and agreed to her mother's request. Finally, the mother picked out a whole set of clothes for her brother, bought pants and shoes for her father and herself, and spent more than two thousand in total.
When I got home, the whole family was trying on new clothes and everyone was happy.
Xiao Ling did not expect that this consumption was just the beginning. Later, her mother always had a new reason to let her pay for things for the family.
In the last four days, my mother coaxed me to buy a new washing machine, a new mobile phone, and a computer for my brother.
Xiao Ling looked at the balance in the mobile phone and used less and less, and her heart was anxious. Carefully calculated, just five days have spent more than ten thousand, equivalent to her five months' salary.
As a result, her mother was still not satisfied, and she wanted her to change the big-screen TV set at home. Xiao Ling couldn't hold her breath: "Mom, I'm just a waiter outside, and my salary is only three thousand." These days five days spend five months of wages! You can't bully me like that! Isn't this TV set no problem, why do you want to change it? ”
When the mother heard that her daughter was not happy, she looked at her and said, "Xiao Ling, you are not yet married, and you have earned money to spend for the family." The grace of parenting, you spend some money on the New Year, this is not a big deal. If you get married, you don't care about your mother's affairs."
After saying that, she was not very happy to let Xiaoling give her a year's salary savings, saying that she would save it for marriage later.
She said a little angrily, "Mom! My salary for a year is all earned by my exhaustion, you and your father just raised me, and you can't squeeze me like this! If given to you, who knows if you will give it to my brother! Anyway, he hasn't married his daughter-in-law yet! ”
The mother listened to her daughter say this, angry, and said Xiaoling for a good time, before throwing down the basin in her hand and slamming the door.
Xiao Ling looked at her mother and made her look ugly like this, and she couldn't help but shed tears.
However, in the blink of an eye, her eyes became firm, since her mother said that she would spend money on her mother's family if she was not married, then she must marry herself this year. When the time comes, see what the mother still has to say!
In the case, Xiaoling grew up in a patriarchal family, and this influence may accompany her for the rest of her life. At the same time, this unhealthy family atmosphere also gives us the following two enlightenments.
02
One: Parents prefer sons to daughters, which will affect the life of their daughters.
Patriarchal mentality is hard to completely disappear.
Its origins come from the smallholder economy, so this phenomenon is more common in rural areas.
Daughters born in such a family are very prone to being unconfident, or like Xiaoling in the case, just seem cheerful.
In fact, Xiaoling's apparent cheerfulness is precisely to cover up her inner inferiority and insecurity.
Only by trying to make yourself happy and learning to integrate into the environment can you forget the unpleasantness of childhood.
And childhood injuries affect a daughter's life.
Growing up in this environment, she will be deeply affected even after marriage.
Like Xiao Ling in the case, in order to escape the original family early, she is ready to find someone to marry as soon as possible.
What's more, after marriage, they also feel that they are not worthy of love and will not bravely pursue their own happiness.
In short, the wrong and backward concept of education will run through the child's life.
You can't let the parents' fault become the pain of the child's life.
03
Two: Women must understand that they must defend their power in front of any relationship and person.
If you can't change others, try to change yourself.
Some girls spend their entire lives trying to gain the approval of their parents.
I want to get a touch of warmth and recognition from my patriarchal family.
But you have to understand that some ideas are deeply rooted. It is better to give up the illusion and save yourself.
When you grow up and enter the society, you must learn to strive to improve your ability to survive and strive to get rid of your original family as soon as possible.
It is not only necessary to achieve economic independence, but more importantly, to achieve spiritual independence.
When encountering unreasonable exploitation by the original family, resolutely refuse, do not hesitate.
If the family is morally kidnapped, we must stabilize our position and not waver.
You have to understand that if others don't give you love, you have to love yourself.
It is also important to understand that not all parents are worth everything their children give. Even in parent-child relationships, we must pay attention to the principle of equal payment.
Don't be afraid to resist just because you are a parent.
Don't be afraid of moral kidnapping and build into your own life.
A woman's life is not easy, learn to love yourself.
No matter who the other person is, if you feel hurt, remember to defend your rights in time.
04
The idea of son preference will not easily disappear in the future.
But I want every girl who gets caught up in it.
They can get out of the quagmire on their own and find their own happy life.
Text/No Pen