1, the daughter-in-law tried on the newly purchased clothes on the Internet, and turned around in front of the mirror with great interest. "Oh, husband, I seem to be sick, I feel short of breath, and my eyes are black." "Wife, you are sick

1, the daughter-in-law tried on the newly purchased clothes on the Internet, and turned around in front of the mirror with great interest. "Oh, husband, I seem to be sick, I feel short of breath, and my eyes are black." "Wife, your illness is caused by external conditions and inability to adapt to internal changes. The daughter-in-law looked at me puzzled, "Say what, talk about people." ", did not expect the girl to jump over,"Ma Ma, Dad said that people fat clothes are small, Le'

2. Tonight, the buddies meet together to open the king black, and the double row is scored. We both kept our voices open, and we kept belittling each other, although we didn't have many stars these days. As a result, last night there was something that made me laugh. We were playing a game there, and I heard his daughter-in-law shouting: Husband, where is my curling iron? Buddy didn't want to go back directly: the stick is in a special match with your temperament!

3, bought a t-shirt, the boss wants one hundred and five, I still pay eighty, and finally ninety yuan to negotiate. Give the boss a hundred, wait for her to find ten yuan, who knows that the boss turned over for half a day and did not find change, so he took out another shirt of the same kind, threw it at me, and said: No change, give you another one.

4, a family of three went out to travel, the result was that the sun was empty that day, very hot, the son fanned the wind with his hand, and said angrily: "Mom, how is it so hot today." Wife: "Who let you come out and wear this black dress, black heat absorption." The husband said, "I don't blame that, the white shirt I'm wearing is also hot." Wife: "You grow black and absorb heat." ”

5, the cousin summer vacation at home idle nothing to do, every day is brush video to play games. After eating last night, my cousin skillfully opened the glory of the king again. At the beginning of the game, their fang bull head actually had a pain mask for the first time! At that time, my cousin was stunned! The cousin told him to sell it, do you know how he persuaded the cousin to keep the equipment? He said: Have you seen "The Adventures of Jackie Chan"? The Bull Warrior will never take off his mask!

6. A commendation meeting will be held by the school to award scholarships to students. I received the Learning Progress Award for the first time at the same table. The first thing the brothers did after standing on the stage and receiving the scholarship from the principal was to raise the money in front of more than two thousand teachers and students and take a picture of the sun... Then he stepped down satisfied, leaving the headmaster alone in the wind...

7, the sister-in-law just bought a Samsung s20, when charging the phone, the result of the mobile phone exploded, the sister-in-law disfigured on the spot. After consultation, the mobile phone factory lost more than 8 million yuan, but asked for the matter. After the brother-in-law got the money, he immediately divorced his sister-in-law and found a 20-year-old female college student who had just graduated. A few days ago, my brother-in-law and his girlfriend went back home to do everything in order to show that they were doing everything, sweeping the floor, cooking and washing dishes, and working in the fields. Now that a year has passed, there has been a legend in the girlfriend's village that the son-in-law was at his mother-in-law's house, feeding the chickens in the chicken pen, and fell and smashed three chickens to death...

8, my boss is a single mother, she left the house at the age of 25 after the success of the business, and now with her daughter. I went to the office today to report and smashed an ornament. The female boss said: "This ornament costs 30,000 euros, how do you plan to pay?" I said it wasn't intentional, and the female boss walked up behind me, tapped me three times on the back of my head, and then said let me watch. Friends, what does she mean by this, is it not a knock on the means of ten thousand euros? I really can't afford it!

9, in the electronics factory as a personnel manager, recently a new female college student. Today she complained that her computer was very stuck. I checked it out for her and found more than 500 folders in her trash. Me: "No wonder it's so slow, haven't you ever emptied the trash?" She: "No, in my house, these things are done by my husband." ”

10, the sister-in-law bought a new dress, Mei Zizi put it out and asked her brother: Is this dress good? The younger brother who was playing the game with his head down did not lift his head: it looks good! The sister-in-law's eyes rolled: Then do you see this ugly? The younger brother's head still did not lift: ugly! The sister-in-law ran away in an instant: Is that beautiful or ugly?!!! The little nephew answered the call next to him: Dad is saying that others are dressed well, you are ugly! The mother slapped the little nephew on the head: how good did not learn, I learned with your aunt poisonous tongue, talking is not good! I...... Just come and knock on the door??!!

11, my girlfriend's boyfriend is a real estate tycoon, I can't help but confess to him. Unexpectedly, he also liked me for a long time, and chose me between him and his girlfriend. Once when we went to the mall to buy clothes, I saw a man's white shirt. Let my boyfriend try it out to look particularly good, and I didn't hesitate to buy it. When I got home, I remembered the picture of the heroine in the movie wearing the actor's shirt, which was particularly sexy. So I took out the white shirt I had just bought for my boyfriend and put it on, dangling in front of him, expecting his compliments. The boyfriend slowly looked up at me and said quietly: A good white shirt actually makes you feel like a doctor!

12, let's talk about a classmate who took the exam a long time ago. Classmates female one, school exams, ya will not. So I prepared a bunch of little notes, you know. In order to achieve a convenient effect, Ya specially wore a tower skirt, that is, layer by layer, and pasted the note to each layer of skirt. As soon as she entered the examination room, the invigilator stood in front of her and said: This classmate, please stand up and jump twice. Then, there's the wood and then...

13. Bought two bottles of fake Moutai wine on the Internet and took them to the father-in-law's house as a guest. The old man was particularly happy, and the chef fried a few dishes for me. At the dinner table, the old man said to me: Son-in-law, I did something to make myself dozens of years younger, and immediately returned to my childhood. I was curious and asked, "What's the matter?" The old man immediately lowered his voice and said, "Wetting the bed!" ”

14, last winter through a rainbow area, saw one by one standing in the doorway, frozen shivering, but still smiling. I know they just don't have a way, maybe to buy a few clothes for their parents or to raise their young children alone. Thinking of this, my eyes felt a little sour, and my heart was very uncomfortable. So, so I opened a room... Call one of them into the house to be warm and warm, and that's all I can do to help them.