1. The daughter-in-law has been pregnant for 5 months, and it is obvious that her stomach is getting bigger and bigger every day. Today she asked me: Husband, who do you think our children will be like in the future? I

1. The daughter-in-law has been pregnant for 5 months, and it is obvious that her stomach is getting bigger and bigger every day. Today she asked me: Husband, who do you think our children will be like in the future? I said: It doesn't matter if you look like anyone, don't be like me, I'm chun and ugly. The daughter-in-law breathed a sigh of relief: Fool, why didn't you say it earlier, because I was worried about it for so long...

2, the sister-in-law took a taxi from the train station, found that the driver deliberately took a detour, but the sister-in-law did not expose him in person, and when she got off the car to check out, she did not give a piece of money, but said to the taxi master in the local dialect: My home lives here, and I will see you again in the future... The driver was a little stupid, he saw the sister-in-law's big bag, thinking it was a foreigner who had just got off the train. I didn't understand and asked her why she didn't expose him? The sister-in-law said: I have lived for thirty years, and it is hard for someone to stay with me for a while, how can I bear to refuse? It's like spending money and nagging.

3, on a bus, the conductor asked a man dressed in very formal clothes: Sir, where to go, please buy tickets. The man shouted: You can charge the whole time, I don't care about the money. Conductor: Okay, a piece of five.

4, after my daughter must fall in love early in school, and then be caught by the teacher the best, the teacher let my daughter invite the parents to come over, I will dress up formally, to the first sentence of the school will say: My son-in-law? I want to see my son-in-law!

5, the most talented QQ signature to borrow money storm recently life is relatively poor, yesterday to friends to cobble together the twenty thousand yuan today was squandered, helplessly had to change the buckle signature to: my number was stolen, borrow money from everyone do not believe ah

6, husband and wife quarrel, men quarrel can not be women, just lie on the bed, motionless. The woman asked, "What are you doing?" The man replied, "Dead"! The woman asked again, "Why do you still keep your eyes open when you die?" Man: "Death is not blind"! The woman asked, "Then why are you still breathing?" Man: "Can't swallow this breath"!

7, on the bus, saw a 16, 7-year-old girl being hugged by an uncle, the girl said: You a married man wrapped his arms around me, an unmarried woman is really good, have you ever thought about your wife's feelings? The man said: Girl, is it good to save some face for your father! If you hadn't been motion sickness, I wouldn't have put my arms around you!"

8. Today, a buddy went to a top 100 company to apply, which was very successful. After coming back, I excitedly said to us: I went to the interview today, and in less than a minute, the interviewer admitted me on the spot. Me: Really? Is your major what they desperately need? Or do they appreciate your strengths? Dude: Neither. Me: So why did you get you on the spot? Dude: Because I was a little nervous as soon as I got in, I accidentally bumped into the computer on the desk and fell to the ground and broke it, so they asked me to pay for the cost of the computer for the two months of work there. I......

9, one day I have two friends to go on a date, because in the summer, walking on the road is too hot, and there are many pedestrians on the road, and it is very noisy. The man asked the woman: Do you want to eat ice cream? The woman said with a look of embarrassment: No, when I came, the man asked curiously: Which one? The woman was particularly shy and said: That! The man's brainless man asked again: "What are you talking about?" The woman was finally angry: Is that the one coming? You're not bothered! The man still doesn't understand: which? Which is it! The woman said angrily: My great aunt is coming!

10, a man's wife to go to the B ultrasound, the result came out, the man took the list to see, the doctor said: This is not yours. Next to him, his wife's face was green, and she trembled and asked the doctor: Can you see this? The man immediately gave the woman a slap, and the woman covered her face and said: Husband, I know that I am wrong. At this time, the doctor picked up another list and gave it to the man: Look, this one is yours.

11, when checking out at the supermarket, I found that the cashier was my ex-girlfriend! It hurts so much to suddenly remember what she said to me when we broke up. I deliberately teased her: "Why did you make up a lie to leave me in the first place?" What about your rich and handsome? Ex-girlfriend: "Don't bother me with my work?" How did I lie to you? Didn't I say when I left, I don't have to do anything with him, just collect money. ”

12. What is the most anticipated hometown food for the New Year? Crispy meat, bacon, sausages! Each one is my favorite! Especially a homemade, delicious and irresistible! It doesn't matter the weight when you eat it ~ really, every year when you go home and smell the taste of sausages, you know the New Year

13. Procedural Ape: "My first question is, for my second and third questions, can you just use 'can' and 'can't' to answer?" Boss: "OK! "My second question is, if my third question is if I can get a raise in wages?" So can your answer to my third question be the same as the answer to the second question? Boss: "Yes..... Fart... Go back and knock on the code to go..."

14, just received a strange phone call "Hello, hello!" I'm from an insurance company, are you driving? "I don't drive, the driver drives." "Where are you going?" "On the way to Shanghai." "Is your car insured?" "There should be, I didn't ask, I'll ask back." "How much is your car worth?" "I didn't ask, I guess there are hundreds of millions." "Big brother, what car do you have?" "High-speed rail!" Snap and hang up the phone?? Temper is still quite big, am I wrong?