#搞笑大赏 #
Eight years ago, two of my friends, one developed a bad habit of smoking, the other developed a good habit of drinking milk. But now, the guy who smoked was doing well, and the one who drank the milk was hanging. Facts tell us that in China, there is no tobacco in cigarettes, but there is poison in milk!
In the morning, I went to wash my hair, and as soon as I sat down, the barber came over and asked, "The hair is so long that it can be burned, it's beautiful!" ”
I said, "Not hot." ”
A few minutes later, when my head was washed, he asked me as he blew my hair, "Is it hot?"
After a while, the wind was getting stronger, and the boy asked, "Is it hot?"
I said, "Hot!" So he permed my hair
A prince was enchanted and could only say one word a year, and he did not speak for five years, and he saved up enough five words to say to the princess, "Princess I love you." The princess said only one word, and the prince immediately fainted. The princess said, "What?" ”
The brothers asked for two popsicles at the commissary, but neither of them was willing to pay the bill. The brother thought for a moment and said, "Otherwise!" You take a dollar out, I throw it into the sky, and when I land on the ground, the word is up, I pay, and the word is down, you pay. After the younger brother nodded in agreement, the older brother took the money he handed over and handed it to the shopkeeper.
Went to eat shabu-shabu and asked for a clear soup pot. After eating for a while, I felt that my lips were numb. Ask the waiter: "Is it wrong on the pot, so numb, can't eat." The waiter checked it out and said, "I'm really sorry, let's change the pot for you!" This pot leaks! ”
Mom: "Tom, would you like a cookie?" Tom didn't respond. Mom asked again, "Tom, would you like a cookie?" Tom: "Want to eat, Mom." Mom: "Why do you have to ask you twice?" Tom: "Because I want to eat two pieces."
F: "Are there three suites?" ”
M: "No! ”
F: "Are there Mercedes-Benzes and BMW?" ”
F: "Do you have a 7-figure deposit?" ”
F: "So what do you have?" ”
Male: "I..."
The woman turned and was about to leave.
Suddenly the man said, "I manage hundreds of people." There are many lawyers, professors, entrepreneurs, and many handsome women. ”
The woman immediately turned back to her face full of admiration and said, "You didn't say it earlier, that's enough!" So what kind of company ceo are you? ”
M: "I'm the leader of the group." ”.....
In the fourth grade of elementary school, students save change. Once the teacher asked us in class how much we had saved. Xiaoming said, "I saved five yuan." Xiao Liang said, "I saved ten yuan." Finally, when it came to me, I said, "I'm still ninety-nine or a hundred!" ”
One day, a sparrow said to the pigeon, "Do you dare to fight the eagle?" "Of course I dare,"The pigeon flew away, and after a while the pigeon flew back, and none of the feathers on its body were gone. The sparrow asked, "What happened?" The pigeon said, "The boy was not convinced, and I beat him with my bare arms." ”
Riding an electric car home, racing in a deserted alley, suddenly rushing out of the opposite side of an uncle also riding fast, looking like it was about to crash together, the uncle roared: "You left!" I'm right! "That day, we both lay in the alley for a long time after the crash...
Go to the copy shop to copy the ID card, go in and take out the ID card and a hundred yuan bill, afraid that the shopkeeper will not be able to find it and say: "I only have a 100, do you give a copy?" The shopkeeper said: "Sorry we don't copy the renminbi here, and we can't have an ID card!" ”
I like mathematics the most, it has no twists and turns of the language, no rigidity and boring political history, not as much grammar as English, it has, only will not do, will not do and will not do.
Someone in the gym complained, "Coach! There are too many mosquitoes here, and there are a few bags on the body! The coach angrily exclaimed, "You know what, this is called itchy exercise!" ”
Today went to the supermarket to buy something, bought a little more, the waiter calculated, a total of 777 yuan, I immediately gave her 1000 yuan, she immediately found me 333 yuan, I said "so quickly calculated out?", she said: "When I went to school, my mind was terrible, I was a mathematical representative, and I wouldn't be wrong." ”
The soup pot was already boiling, and Dumpling A plucked up the courage to say to Dumpling B: "There is something I have always wanted to tell you, I know, you like me. ””
Dumpling b said, "What? I've been hiding it well, when did you know. ””
Dumpling A looked at the broken skin of Dumpling B and said sourly: "Just now, you exposed the stuffing for a funny moment." #
