1 Little sister-in-law lazily lay on the sofa playing with her mobile phone. I passed by the living room and was stopped by her: "People are thirsty, please pour people a glass of water!" I was upset these days, so I scolded her:

1 The sister-in-law lazily lies on the couch and plays with her mobile phone. I passed by the living room and was stopped by her: "People are thirsty, please pour people a glass of water!" I was upset these days, so I shook her: "Your sister supported me, why do you support me?" Sister-in-law: "Oh wow! Do you believe that I can occupy your wife for a month and let you sleep in the living room every day to freeze you? ”

2 The brother is the big boss who runs a real estate company, and his wife is a kindergarten teacher with a monthly income of two thousand.

Some time ago, the two divorced, because they have no children, so they have nothing to worry about.

As a result, after half a year, I heard that he was married again, and his wife was a junior high school teacher.

I called him and said, "You boy is very capable!" Looking for a teacher to be a wife, are you going to find a professor next time? The buddy replied: It is a remarriage, and she is now teaching junior high school.

 3 Went out to run Didi at night, pulled a beautiful girl, got on the car and said: "Brother, run as you like!" "I said girl, let's dodi, not for rent." The girl was arrogant: "Brother, I am not bad for money, just run, just listen to me!" I immediately got angry, pulled the girl along the city wall, and an hour later, I kindly reminded: "Sister, 300!" The girl looked at it and said, "Brother, are you taking a detour?" You pull from the south gate of the city wall to my goose pagoda, how can you have so much money? I suddenly became vigilant: "Sister, you said to run casually." The girl was not pleased, and said, "If you can prove that I said that, I will marry you!" "I said I couldn't prove it, count me unlucky, I don't want money." The girl was anxious: "Brother, Didi Car recorded the whole process, you check ah, must have said, you check it and you will know!" "I'm getting more and more vigilant, even if I paste 300 upside down, it can't prove it, do you say I did the right thing?"

4 My girlfriend worked at an Internet company after graduating from college and was forced to work 4 hours a day. But recently my girlfriend left work on time, and I wondered: "The boss has been so good to you lately?" I won't let you work overtime! Girlfriend: "Mother and son, I am pregnant!" Me: "You're not married, are the children the boss's?" Girlfriend: "Of course not his." Me: "Then why do you still say that mothers are precious by children?" Girlfriend: "He is not good to me, I will tell her that his wife and children are his!" ”

A ragged farmer came to withdraw the money, and the bank clerk gave him a note for him to sign. The peasant took the note and signed it upside down. The salesman said, "A countryman is a countryman." You take it down. The peasant said, "It is taken down." But the words I signed are also upside down! The salesman opened his eyes and looked at it, and indeed it was the same as signing it! His face was red, and it turned out that the farmer was still a master, and he could actually sign in the opposite direction!      God replied: The farmer's name is King of Kings.

5 Female colleagues suddenly called me: "Brother, you come to my house for a trip, there is an urgent matter to ask you!" Her tone was full of tears, so I didn't hesitate to go, and it was very embarrassing to enter the door, her husband and mother-in-law were all there. They are all their own people, just one of my editors, it seems that they have quarreled. The female colleague said: "Brother, you come to judge, is it expensive for me to buy a cosmetics for 1,000 yuan?" "I said it wasn't expensive. The mother-in-law and husband of the female colleague suddenly stopped clinging to it, saying that she had lost the family and blindly accused her. The more the female colleague cried, the more sad she became, took my hand, and said: "Brother, take me away..." She looked at her husband and said: "A miserly man like him should not have such a beautiful wife as me!" "I broke free of her hand and bought a cosmetic for 1,000 bucks, and I didn't want it either." Her husband came over, looked at me and said, "Brother, what a fellow man!" These ladies really can't ask for it! I used to ask, "Is 300 OK?" If it works, I'll take you away. The female colleague thought for a moment and agreed. Oops, I just knew she was really suffering, well, I was just trying to save a suffering female colleague.

6 Today my girlfriend dragged me home to see my uncle and aunt, which frightened me. At dinner in the evening, my uncle and I drank a lot, after all, between men, wine is the best communication. My uncle said to me: Young man, I see that you are a very confident person, with a broad mind, and will become a great instrument in the future, and I will be relieved that my daughter will marry you. I was very happy, so I asked my uncle: You can see this too. The uncle took a sip of wine and smiled: Look at how you look like this, you dare to soak my daughter, and if you can still soak it, it shows that you are not a simple person. I......

7 Once my wife was very angry when she found out that I was hiding money in my private room, it took her a long time to coax her well, and she didn't have to kneel on the washboard. Suddenly the daughter said: Mom, the next time Daddy provokes you to be angry, you will let her go to the corridor to stand, in the summer you must put on the cotton clothes and go again, in the winter you must take off the cotton clothes and go again. My wife's eyes lit up when she heard it, and I really thought my daughter wasn't looking at me!

8 When my cousin was studying at a university abroad, he met a graduate student at the university. The two people have feelings for each other and begin a sweet love. Today, my cousin followed his girlfriend home to see his parents, and it was raining heavily. As soon as I entered the door, I heard my girlfriend's mother complain: "Your father went to buy vegetables, he knew it was going to rain, and he didn't bring an umbrella when he went out." Then my cousin picked up his unsound umbrella and rushed outside, and his girlfriend said, "You've never seen my dad, how do you find it?" The cousin looked confident and said, "It doesn't matter, I can deduce your father's appearance from the way you and your mother look." ”

9 The eldest sister-in-law is divorced and lives in my house temporarily. It happened that my wife was on a business trip, and I was at home with my eldest sister-in-law! The eldest sister-in-law was very welcoming. I took care of all the housework at home. He also went to the bathroom to wash all the dirty clothes and dirty pants. Because there are my panties inside. I was embarrassed to let my sister-in-law wash it. So when she didn't pay attention, she sneaked out her panties. Tucked it into the pocket of my clothes. Unexpectedly, the eldest sister-in-law turned around and found it. She said in amazement. I didn't wash it. When I wash it for you, you take it and wipe your mouth, feeling that she thinks I put a handkerchief in my pocket. I cried and laughed. It's all right, I'll wipe your mouth again and let you wash it tomorrow.

#Funny# #搞笑段子 #