Professor Chu Yin shared an interesting story about bringing a baby by himself.
He said that recently the second eldest in the family learned a new sentence pattern: "Unless you buy me something, I will not be able to do anything!" ”
On the weekend, he took the second brother out to play, and the second brother began to "routine" his father.
"Unless you buy me an ice cream, I'm willing to go to the park with you!"
Went to the park to play, ready to go home, the second brother started again.
"Unless you buy me another ice cream, I'll go home with you!"
In this way, the son has been "routine", Professor Chu Yin spent a lot of money before and after.
Through only one sentence, the child will pinch his father to death!
So, on the day of kindergarten, the child continued to use this sentence pattern against his mother.
"Unless you buy me two toys, I'm not going to kindergarten!"
As a result, my mother came to say: You have two choices, either go crying and crying, or go honestly!
The child immediately instigated and obediently went to kindergarten.
On the way to the kindergarten, Professor Chu Yin asked his son with great anticipation: Son, is the father good or the mother good?
I didn't expect my son to say: Hello Mom!
Professor Chu Yin was speechless, thinking to himself, Did I buy all the Haagen-Dazs for free?
So I asked my son again: Your mother is like this to you, is your mother okay?
The son replied: Because the mother has principles.
One of the parents is obedient to the child, and one directly says "no" to the child.
Kids tend to prefer the guy who says "no" to him.
Such phenomena abound in our lives.
Not only that, the person who is obedient to the child and responds to every need is often the person who is "bullied" by the child the most.
Obviously, countless times, energy, and even money have been spent, and in the end, you may not even get a "good person card".
And the person who is usually good to the child, but will also say "no" to the child when the child crosses the line, will often be regarded as an authority and idol by the child, and is more willing to be close.
That's the way it is in our house.
The child's grandmother is the one who is obedient to the child, but often thankless.
Seriously, Grandma's kindness to her children often makes me unable to look at it.
As soon as the child finishes school, as soon as the grandmother hears the footsteps of the children in the corridor, she will rush over and open the door early.
As soon as the child enters the door, he begins to greet the child to wash his hands, and then brings the peeled and cut fruit to the child.
If the child says, I still have to drink honey water!
Grandma didn't feel any trouble, and happily ran to the kitchen to prepare and bring the child to the room.
But when she leans in front of the child and wants to see what book the child is reading, the child will close the book: You go away! annoying!
Grandma actually spoiled her face: Oh, you are really like a bully!
When eating, if it is fish, Grandma will pick the fish meat of the fish bones piece by piece into the grandson's bowl, if it is eating meat, Grandma will also pick out the lean meat and clip it to the grandson.
If Grandma accidentally puts a piece of chili peel into his bowl, the child will shout: What? How did the pepper get in my bowl?
Grandma will immediately admit her mistake: Oh, I didn't look carefully, I'll clip it out for you right away!
As a result, the child was still angry: What's wrong with you!
Then the two of them fought.
The child's impolite behavior made me particularly angry, and whenever these times came, I would beat him hard and make him apologize.
But the next time he encounters a similar situation, he will still speak ill of his grandmother, and there is a lack of respect in his words.
What made me speechless the most was that My grandmother actually thought it was funny, and the child made trouble with her, and she was not only not angry, but happy.
I know that's why kids "get into it" over and over again.
Because Grandma had no principles at all.
The child feels that the grandmother can be called at will and can not be respected.
If adults don't have principles, children will have no rules.
And children have no rules, they are confused at home, and when they come to society, they will only be taught a harsh lesson!
Professor Li Meijin once said that when a child is young, we must make rules for him and say no to him. When he was a child, he rolled on the ground at most, and did not wait until the child was 12 years old to tell him no, the child may run away from home, or even end his life.
To set good rules for children, parents must have principles.
Only when you have principles and give your child a clear line of what can be done and what must not be done. Children know where the boundaries of their parents are, so that they will not be intimidated by the love of their parents.
Of course, being a principled parent does not mean that you should often raise your eyebrows and be cold to your children, but to be "gentle and firm". Specifically, it's 3 points.
1, be sure to give the child enough love.
The foundation of the parent-child relationship is love. Because of love, children will become attached to you.
And this attachment is the psychological capital of your future discipline of your children.
Professor Li Meijin once told the story of the last emperor Puyi.
Puyi ascended the throne at the age of 4, and everyone around him was obedient to him, he often let people eat dirty things on the ground as soon as he lost his temper, and the teacher used the way of benevolence to persuade him, and he directly pushed him back.
But only his wet nurse came to persuade him, and he would listen to her and would not dare to disobey her.
Because he has a strong attachment to his wet nurse.
Therefore, if there is a condition, it is best to bring your own before the age of 6, if the work is too busy, you should also take the child with you to ensure that you can get along with the child every day.
2. The first time you cross the line, you will resolutely say "no" to your child.
Many parents, as well as the elderly in the family, will always do their best to please their children.
They always feel that as long as they pay, they will definitely be rewarded.
They think that the child, as long as you are good to him, he will love you and listen to you.
But that's only half true.
When your love loses its principle and becomes blindly pleasing and compromising, the child will only gain inches and will take your kindness to him for granted. If the child develops like this, then he is not far from the white-eyed wolf.
So, when a child crosses the line and makes mistakes, parents must firmly say "no", especially for the first time.
Just like Professor Chu Yin's wife, when the child buys toys as a condition for going to kindergarten, he clearly tells the child that the kindergarten must be attended.
Let the child understand that there are no conditions to talk about going to kindergarten, and he will use this to make various requirements in the future.
3, parents themselves should also have principles in doing things.
Parents are your child's first teachers, and if you don't have principles in your own way, it's hard to convince your child.
For example, there should be a principle of talking between parents and children.
Obviously said that you want to take your children out to fly kites on the weekend, when it comes to the juncture, you can't get away with it for various reasons, the weather is too hot, the road is too far, you have lost your principle, then, when you ask your child to speak and count, the child will be unconvinced: Why can you talk without counting, and I must do what I say?
Even if the child is small and powerless to fight against you, when he grows up, especially into adolescence, he will constantly challenge your authority.
There are often parents who say that their children are difficult to discipline and too willful, in fact, we can reflect on ourselves, is it a principled parent? See if you will let go of your principles and compromise with your children again and again for the sake of convenience, time and energy saving, or fear of offending your children?
Find the reason to find the possibility of making the child better.