Emotional Counseling: Swinging Between Two Women, Is It Lucky or Unfortunate?!

Zhang Ailing said,

"Maybe every man has had two women like that, at least two. Married to a red rose, over time, the red changed into a touch of mosquito blood on the wall, the white is still 'bright moonlight in front of the bed'; married to a white rose, the white is a rice stick on the clothes, but the red is a cinnabar mole on the heart. ”

In the face of two different lovers, after spending a long time with one person, they miss the other person, and they miss the other one for a long time, so many people swing on both sides, and one heart is difficult to settle, and it is even more confused: I don't know who I love more.

We often think it's because "not getting it is the best" and many men in this predicament feel the same way.

But is the reason behind this phenomenon really that simple?

Is this gender dilemma so helpless that there is no way to resolve it?

Can people in this predicament only live painfully in vacillation, hesitation, and contradiction?

▼ Guangzhou heard that marriage emotional psychological counseling experts interpret for you.

Being deeply loved by two women, is it fortunate or unfortunate?

Loving two women, it seems beautiful, but it is painful to go deep into it. For three years, it has been wavering between the two women, which not only has deeply hurt the two women, but zhen bao himself is also very painful and blames himself.

Three years ago, Zhen Bao met the gentle, considerate, and virtuous Miss A, a quiet, well-behaved, and caring girl who made him fall in love at first sight. Although Miss A already has a boyfriend, she finally captures her heart under his poor pursuit.

With the deepening of the relationship, after half a year, Zhen Bao's feelings for this girl declined, and his love faded, feeling sticky and boring. So I started looking for other girls on the Internet and met Miss B, who is very different from A and belongs to the shrewd, capable, outgoing and lively category of girls. After meeting, Zhen Bao fell in love with B at first sight and began to pursue B desperately, and soon after B agreed to communicate, so he resolutely broke up with A and was with B.

Half a year later, Zhen Bao's feelings for B also began to decline, feeling that B was not considerate enough, not careful, unable to take care of himself, and strongly missed A. At this time, A did not get out of the pain of the breakup, at first it was not accepted, the town security begged, expressed his determination through various ways, and even waited in front of A for a night in front of the door holding flowers on a rainy day. His perseverance made A change his mind, so he went to break up with B and be with A.

When he was with A for nearly half a year, his feelings about A began to decline again, he couldn't stand A, he missed B very much, and he couldn't help but go to B. At this time, B has changed his contact information and address, and he finally found B after inquiring in various ways. At this time, B was already with someone else, and he went to beg B again. B is very angry and slaps him twice, and Zhen Bao also knows that he is at a loss but still wants to be with B, no matter how B refuses. In order to save B, he sent flowers to B's unit every day; knowing that B was very filial, he went to accompany B's grandmother every day and serve her grandmother... B. Slowly moved, broke up with her boyfriend, and agreed to be with him. He went to break up with A.

Half a year has passed, his feelings for B are gone, and he misses A very much, and he wants to be with A. A has changed places and is living with her new boyfriend. He still very much wants to find A, but he is worried that he will go to find A, and after half a year, he will repeat the previous swing, which will not only be very painful for himself, but also hurt A and B, because he is 28 this year, and the two girls are also 27 and 26, so it also delays the two girls.

Zhen Bao was very confused, did not know why he was so wavering, he obviously wanted to fall in love with a person for a long time, but after being with a person for a while, the feeling of love slowly disappeared, and he missed the other; when he was with another, he really wanted to be with this person, and he also completely broke up with that one, but in the end he missed that one.

I don't want to step on two boats, but I always swing on both sides, one will love this, the other will love that, as if Caught in a strange circle but can't get out.

Chief expert Li Jianxue commented

Swinging between the two women makes Zhen Bao feel confused about his emotions, not understanding why he is like this, and how to break this strange circle.

These two different types of women each satisfied part of his needs and made him flock to them, but he longed for the other more after being with one, and so on.

A person's involvement in such emotional patterns is often associated with an early mother-child relationship.

In general, children need both full love and appropriate freedom. If the mother ignores, is indifferent to the child, and is accustomed to rejection, the child does not feel love, it is difficult to establish a good attachment relationship, and will especially desire love and care; if the mother and the child are close, too controlled, caring or doting, there are more rules, and the child depends on the mother at the same time because there is no freedom and hates the mother.

When love and freedom cannot be well balanced, in addition to the "real mother", the "ideal mother" will be developed in the child's heart to compensate for the desire in the heart. This desire is buried like a seed in the child's heart, and it will sprout when it encounters the right soil.

The swing between the two women is actually a swing between the real mother and the ideal mother: one who gives him freedom, is not clingy, does not control, but he does not feel care and dependence, feels that "you do not love me enough", misses the other who will take good care of himself and can be relied on, and forgets the pain of not having freedom with her; when he is with this woman, the need to be taken care of is met, but he is too clingy to have his own freedom and space, and he feels that being taken care of is not important, and freedom is the most important.

Split thinking makes him oscillate between two women, and it is difficult to get in a person who feels both cared for and at the same time feels free.

Zhen Bao needs to make improvements from himself, so that his heart can be integrated and no longer in a state of division. Love yourself, give yourself a feeling of love, rather than looking outward; enhance your independence, learn to take care of yourself, the more independent you are, the less you need to rely on others, the more you don't depend on others, the more you have your own freedom; determine appropriate boundaries, respect the boundaries of others, and get along with others appropriately, neither overly dependent on others, nor excessively widen the distance between others, and maintain a good connection with others.

* This article is the original article of teacher Li Jianxue, unauthorized user, the company reserves the right to investigate according to law.