Feedback from parenting

Recently, there was a leak in the house, and our family (me, Jelly Daddy, Jelly Grandma, Jelly) all moved into my sister's house! My sister is not yet childless and single! From her I felt the most primitive child-rearing reaction! I kept thinking about what it would be like if I had been raising my sister's reaction to the child.

Here's the thing:

First thing: The jelly is going to drink water, and then take two cups and pour it around, which is already a breeze for jelly! Then the third aunt saw it and shouted, "Eh, don't pour the mat on it."

The jelly seemed to be deliberate, and then it was misaligned and fell to the ground! Pick up the cup and drink the water, and the clothes are dripping (streaming) wet!

Third Aunt: "If you look at it, I know you're going to pour it out!" ”

The second thing, Jelly put the paper cup filled with water on the table, and the third aunt said: "You don't drink here, you will pour water on the table later."

Jelly screamed, and directly poured the water from the cup on the table!

The third aunt shouted, "Look, you did it on purpose!" How can you do that? ”

The third thing, at night I checked the jelly today did not sweat much, last night I took a bath again, I asked the jelly, "Do you want to take a bath"

Jelly says no! The third aunt's jaw dropped in surprise: "How can you not take a bath!" Today you still go to play the slide, and swing, how can you not take a bath when it is dirty outside? Talk about hygiene should be cultivated from an early age! ...”

The fourth thing, jelly who does not bathe beats his brother barefoot, runs around the house, plays happily, accidentally stepped on a little water, and fell backwards heavily.

The third aunt said happily, "Who told you to run around?" Who told you to go barefoot? Now you know! ...”

The fifth thing, when sleeping at night, Jelly has been chattering, asking non-stop, and it is to turn on the lights, there is movement around, and the three aunts are burning their eyebrows!

The sixth thing, there is a paragraph in the middle, jelly eating directly by hand! The third aunt has been helpless, sighing!

……

I can understand the instinctive reaction of the third aunt, and I used to do the same! In the face of children, I always feel that children are out of place, helpless, and there is no cure, so I often sigh and sigh...

Think about what it would be like if the child had been raised in this interactive way.

Don't even do anything! Don't dare to express yourself, for fear of doing something wrong and being scolded! Always biased towards mischief, because in the eyes of adults he is naughty and will only do bad things! There is no self-confidence, because there is always no way to do things well, where is self-confidence?

Let me tell you how I react to these things now!

The first thing, the second thing: the jelly pours water, in fact, I will not remind her at all, give her time to practice, in case the water spills out, guide the child to let her deal with it! In this process, organize your language and control your voice! There's no need to be overly nervous or over-reminded, because it won't help your child! She needs to try, to grope, to explore herself!

In this process, if you can let the child explore, let it go, unless it is touching the field of safety, otherwise do not talk, regurgitate, and ridicule the child!

If you are too tired to deal with the consequences, then silently put away the things (water cups) and quietly explain the situation to her!

The third thing: At that time, I asked my third aunt, "You didn't take a bath so diligently when you were a child!" Now you can also love to be clean and take a bath every day! The third aunt said: "When I was a child, it was different."

I actually mean that we need to give children time and space to grow, and don't ask for children to be the same as adults at the beginning!

So brush your teeth or take a shower, don't ask for it again and again!

The fourth thing, the child has been injured, the pain is not good, what is the meaning of our anti-sarcasm? Can this kind of counter-irony teach a child a lesson? No, children learn to be cold, cold, and unsympathetic! So this situation should be more to hug her, comfort her! In this process, the most worrying thing is to comfort the child by blaming others and other things! For example: "All blame the floor, all blame the water for making me fall... We beat it to death..." and then taught the kids to hit the floor hard...

Comfort to comfort, gentle hugs, gentle rubbing, exhalations... Wait for the child's mood to calm down, and then discuss with the child why he wrestled, and what to do next time will not wrestle! So that the child can listen!

Fifth and sixth things: In fact, the essence is the same, that is, to let the child, that is, to give the child time and space to grow! When Parents Reflect on Their Language: What to Say? What to say? What effect do you want to achieve? What will happen? ... You have to go through your head one by one!

This reminds me of Jelly's love of swinging, she has always been on the sidelines, slowly trying to sit on the swing, slowly trying to swing a little (this amplitude is very small), and now daring to swing a little larger amplitude... It's all within her control! This process lasted 8 or 9 months! That is to say, jelly learned to swing, learned for 8-9 months! She enjoyed it a lot!

For most parents, the child's growth is similar to directly putting the child on the swing, and then swinging very high, the parents are still laughing on the side, some children may overcome the "fear" on the surface, show "bravery", but his neglected feeling will always exist, such a child lacks more opportunities to understand themselves!

When a person truly understands himself, such a person is more targeted, happier, more fulfilling, self-esteem, healthier personality, and more confident in the future!

What kind of performance the child is related to how we say and how we do it, the expression, tone, and sentence pattern of our speech, etc. For example, some people like to use rhetorical questions, and the tone contains questioning, sarcasm, blame... These effects on children are not the same!

So if you want to change your child, first reflect on yourself!

Today because of your "watching", I am full of vitality