01
Once upon a time, there was a popular saying: "Mother is born, grandmother raises, grandparents come to appreciate." ”
With the improvement of people's living standards, more and more elderly people are beginning to pursue their old age and are unwilling to bring children to young people.
However, whoever is the girlfriend is distressed. Grandparents did not bring, so Grandma had to fight in person.
Those who are grandmothers, they are not unaware of the hard work of raising children, nor do they not want to pursue their own lives.
It's just that they feel more sorry for their daughters than they do. Afraid of the daughter's hard work, afraid of the daughter's tiredness, in order to let the daughter rest more or be able to work normally, they take the initiative to take over the work with the baby, tirelessly.
This is also the greatness of maternal love.
However, there are still such mothers in this world. Their maternal love is given only to their sons, not to their daughters. In daily life, how much love for your son is how harsh you are on your daughter.
Even when her daughter encounters difficulties and asks for something, she can turn a blind eye and stand idly by.
When such parents are old, will their daughters give them a pension?
The story of Chen Qin (pseudonym) may give us some inspiration.
02
Chen Qin was born in a very patriarchal family, and there is a younger brother who is three years younger than her.
Although his father is not as eccentric as his mother, he has a relatively weak personality, has no right to speak at home, and all matters big and small in the family are decided by his mother.
And the mother belongs to the typical pedantic, very old-fashioned thinking, only hurting boys.
Since Chen Qin remembered, her mother had not paid much attention to and taken care of her life, and she was completely free-range. As long as Chen Qin did not freeze to death and did not starve to death, even if she had a high fever for three days and three nights in a row, she felt that she was not tight and could be good.
But my brother was different. His mother could be described to him as "afraid to melt in her mouth, and afraid to fall in her hands."
On weekdays, when my brother sneezes, my mother can be nervous and half dead. The food he eats in life is also the best for his whole family. Her brother wanted something new, and she tried her best to satisfy herself. If you really can't be satisfied, your brother will lose his temper and you will be satisfied again.
The mother did not shy away from her true thoughts, and she nagged in front of Xiaoqin every three to five minutes, saying that sooner or later she had to marry out and become someone else's family, and her brother was the incense of this family, and the treatment of the two people naturally could not be compared.
The implication is that Chen Qin should not count on her when things happen, she will only pay for her brother.
Chen Qin was young and naïve at that time, and felt that her mother should just be a younger brother who was partial to her behavior, and still loved herself in her heart.
But later she found that no matter how hard she tried to attract her mother's attention by trying hard to get into college and finding a good job, it was in vain.
In the eyes of the mother, there will always be only a younger brother.
Even if her brother has long been spoiled by her as a delicious, lazy, selfish "second-rate son", he is still a treasure in the palm of his mother's hand.
As she grew older, Chen Qin gradually saw that she could solve things on her own, and she would never easily seek help from her mother.
Until later, after giving birth to a child, there was really no way, and after asking her mother to help take the child was rejected, Chen Qin was completely dead to her mother.
It happened ten years ago.
At that time, when Chen Qin was approaching the due date, she called her mother, hoping that she would come to the hospital to help take care of her for a few days. Because the husband is a single-parent family, he grew up with his father-in-law, and the father-in-law is a man after all, which is always inconvenient, so he thinks of his mother.
Who knew that the mother had promised well in advance, but it turned out that on the day Chen Qin gave birth, she released Chen Qin's pigeons. It is also said that grandma is not obliged to take care of her grandson. No matter how Chen Qin begged her, she just wouldn't come.
Chen Qin was angry and hateful. If you really didn't want to come, don't agree to it in the first place. Where did she go to find someone to help her?
Looking at the mother of the woman in the next bed, she couldn't leave the bed to ask for warmth, but her own mother didn't even ask her if she was dead or alive, and Chen Qin, who had just undergone a caesarean section, couldn't help but feel a chill.
Later, her husband's aunt came from out of town to take care of it for a week, and the rest of the month was taken by Chen Qin herself and her husband in turn.
After experiencing this incident, Chen Qin had no expectations for her mother at all. Except for the necessary movement during the New Year's Festival, he rarely returns to his mother's house.
Between mother and daughter, at most, it can only be called a blood relationship, not a real relative, and the relationship is very indifferent.
Life went on like this.
At the end of last year, her mother suddenly came to the door and said that she wanted to move in with Chen Qin and his wife and ask them to give her a pension.
At first, the mother was still defending her brother, refusing to say the real reason why she had come here. Later, from her scattered words, Chen Qin knew about it.
It turned out that the younger brothers and the couple thought that she was old and did not do housework, and thought that she was spending rice, so they did not want her and drove her out. Her mother was cornered and could only come to Chen Qin.
The mother was probably afraid that Chen Qin would ignore her, and added: "You are my daughter, you have to take care of your mother." ”
Although Chen Qin could not let go of her mother's past, she had always been soft-hearted, and when she saw her mother being swept out of the house by her brother and sister-in-law, she felt that she was an old lady who was strange and pitiful. He promised to raise her for 18 years, which was to repay her nurturing grace.
When the 18-year period expires, the mother and daughter will be cleared.
03
In life, like Chen Qin's mother, who values young women and protects the interests of her son everywhere, there are many elderly people who are rejected by their sons and need to rely on their daughters for the elderly.
Chen Qin's mother is lucky, not kind to her daughter when she was young, but there are still daughters who are willing to provide for her.
Through her story, she also tells us the following two truths.
One: The grace of parenting should also be divided into "quality" good or bad.
What kind of parents can be considered a qualified pair of parents?
I believe that in addition to being a general term for father and mother, "parent" should also be a person with the role of father and mother, the first teacher in our lives, and should also be our good friend.
It is not that giving birth to a child, giving him life, giving him a mouthful of food to eat, and not starving to death, is all it is for parents.
The grace of nurturing also has the distinction of "quality".
Truly "high-quality" parents do not have to give everything they have for their children.
But we must have the minimum care and care for our children, give them a sense of happiness in life, and guide them to become an optimistic and positive person. For the children's non-old-age behavior of seeking help, it is appropriate to give help.
Only such parents can win the respect and gratitude of their children.
However, in real life, there are many parents like Chen Qin's mother.
Treating their daughters, they only care about their children, except for the basic three meals a day, they rarely pay care and care, and they are stingy in giving materially and spiritually.
Such parents can only be regarded as parents in the traditional sense at best, not truly qualified parents.
Second: The good and bad life of the elderly in their later years is a causal cycle.
I believe that most of the 80s and 90s in life have their childhoods in unfair ways, especially those born in patriarchal families.
In the eyes of these parents, it seems that only the son is their own child, and the daughter is purely an accident.
Therefore, in daily life, sons and daughters are treated differently. Give all your love to the boy. While neglecting to pay for girls, girls are often required to pay more and assume more support obligations and responsibilities.
Man is an emotional animal.
If you grow up, your children do not feel the love and care from their parents. Then when the parents are old, they will naturally not give back to them too much.
Therefore, we can often see that those who are mean to their children when they are young are often unhappy in their later years, and even fall into the fate of no one.
This is what people often call a causal cycle.
Therefore, wise old people know how to treat their children well.
To put it more broadly, it is the father's love and the mother's love that is selfless. To a lesser extent, it is actually to seek a old age for yourself.
This is not poisonous chicken soup, it is reality, it is human nature.
Text/No Pen