One
My mom is a brother-in-law.
My mother was born in the countryside, the eldest daughter of the family, and there is a younger brother below.
Since the birth of his uncle, under the orders of his grandparents, his mother began to take care of his brother.
At that time, my mother was only a seven- or eight-year-old little girl, just had a stove head high, and had to learn to cook and wash clothes for my uncle; my uncle could run, and every day I was out in the wilderness, and my mother followed him at any time, afraid that he would be bullied by other children.
Grandpa and grandma are partial to their sons, and no matter how tired their mother is, she can't see it, but when her uncle is hungry or has a scar on her body, her mother will inevitably be beaten.
But when are boys not naughty? Falls or fights are common, and my mother is accompanied by injuries.
It was under such punishment that my mother gradually understood a truth: she was born to take care of her younger brother, and her brother could only be good if he was good. This rule stayed with her until she was old.
The uncle is older, he also has to go to school, the two children study, although it is compulsory education, but the cost of books and living expenses are still derived, and the family is stretched for a time. Grandpa thought about it and could only sacrifice his mother. So my mother did not finish junior high school, and was arranged by my grandfather to work in a factory in the town.
Half of her mother's monthly salary subsidized the family, and half became her uncle's pocket money, and she herself had nothing left. For her, as long as her uncle was doing well, she was satisfied and happy.
At the age of 21, under the introduction of the matchmaker, my mother met my father.
Dad admired mom's hard work, mom saw dad has a stable work unit, the two hit it off, and soon got married.
Dad's unit was in the county, and after getting married, my mother also followed my father to the county seat, entered the county supply and marketing cooperative, and became a salesman.
My uncle also went to high school. But he was pampered since he was a child, his grades were not good, he paid special attention to eating and wearing, and he had to buy new clothes and shoes almost every month.
Grandpa was a farmer, eating in the sky, the family was not rich, could not take out excess money to squander for his son, and his mother became his cash cow.
At first, my uncle cried in front of his mother, saying that he was dressed too dirty and was looked down upon by his classmates. My mother was distressed, and without saying a word, she gave him her salary for the month.
Later, he didn't even need his performance, and every month his mother would send the money to his hand on time, so that he didn't even have enough living expenses left.
Once, Dad overheard Mom's colleague talking about Mom eating pickle porridge at noon every day and asking her where the money had gone. My mother didn't say anything at first, and then she was forced to be anxious, so she said it to my uncle.
It was also common for a married daughter to subsidize her mother's family, and there was no me at that time, so my father only mentioned a few words to my mother, let her think about her family, and turned around and handed over her salary.
With Dad's salary, Mom's confidence is enough, and she is more generous in the face of uncle.
My uncle did not finish high school, so he clamored to go out to work, and when he left, he asked for some money from his mother.
I don't know what my uncle is doing outside, usually the two almost do not contact, as long as contact, that is to ask for money. In just one year, my uncle asked my mother for money seven or eight times, each time as much as two or three hundred, and as little as dozens of yuan.
In the early 1980s, my mother's monthly salary was only forty or fifty yuan, and my father was better, but it was only nearly a hundred yuan. As soon as the uncle took it, he took away the family's living expenses for several months.
Of course, these are all carrying Dad's backs. But it didn't take long, but Dad still knew, took back his salary from his mother, and only paid forty yuan of living expenses to his mother every month.
For this matter, the uncle also threw his grandmother to the door several times, but the father was not moved: if it is for the grandfather and grandmother to provide for the elderly, we should give this money; but to subsidize the uncle, that is not OK!
But the uncle did not give up, and on the first day of every month, he asked his grandmother to come to the door to ask for living expenses. Dad was even more desperate, not giving a penny in cash, and bought enough rice flour oil for a month to give her. If you are sick, go directly to the hospital to settle the settlement, and never leave a penny in their hands.
Two
My uncle's work was hard to say, and he didn't take back a penny of money, but he threw away his mother and grandfather's money.
On the day of my uncle's return, my mother and grandparents stood at the entrance of the village to greet me, and when they saw the figure of their uncle, the three of them cried with joy and made a table full of dishes at night to celebrate their uncle's "return to his hometown".
This scene often heard my father talk about it after I understood things, and the words were extremely ironic.
Shortly after my uncle returned, I fell in love with a woman in a neighboring village, and the two talked about love for half a year and prepared to get married.
For this matter, my grandmother came to my house and asked my father and mother to prepare a bride price for my uncle, not less than 1,000 yuan, and it was best to help my uncle get a house as a new house in my father's unit.
Dad has long been dissatisfied with the mother's family's doting on his uncle, and now he still wants him to take money, which is still an astronomical number! The always good-natured father first got angry with grandma and threw her out.
Grandma scolded and grinned, and the next day she asked someone to call her mother home. While complaining about her father's indifference, she demanded that her mother must take the money out, otherwise she would not recognize her as a daughter.
Almost all the money that my mother can have is used on my uncle, where is the money? Seeing that she did not say a word, the uncle began to play Lai, saying that his sister did not help him, and he beat a bare stick for a lifetime. When he turned back, he shut himself in the house and didn't even eat.
Mom was distressed again, gritting her teeth and assuring her uncle that she would give him a dowry of 1,000 yuan.
She did not dare to look for her father, so she had to borrow from a colleague, a colleague borrowed a little, borrowed seven or eight colleagues, and finally scraped together enough 1,000 yuan and happily handed it to her uncle.
Mom is a salesman, every month to earn that dozens of dollars, 1,000 yuan of debt how to repay? She probably didn't think about it so much, and was put together by a colleague who borrowed money, and then she realized that her mother borrowed not a small number.
It is not easy to earn money, and a colleague is worried that his mother will not be able to pay back, so he runs to his father and tells him about it.
Dad was furious and threatened to divorce him if there was a next time! I still took out my own money and helped my mother fill this loophole.
The uncle knew that his father had repaid the loan, and he was even more crooked, and repeatedly asked his mother to lend him money, and said smugly: "The brother-in-law scolded you at most, and in the end he will not help you pay back the money!" ”
Fortunately, my mother finally refused once.
Not a family, not a door.
Aunt and uncle are really all the way people, delicious and lazy, the original one nibbled on the old, and now the two nibble together.
Mom is even less relaxed, and the monthly salary is a hand, and in the blink of an eye, it is in the uncle's wallet.
The couple enjoyed themselves with peace of mind, without a trace of guilt. As long as there is no money in hand, the first thing that comes to mind is "find my sister to go."
Two people are like two locusts, outsiders can't look at it, only mother, willing as a gluttony.
Three
When I was five years old, my uncle's son was born, and my life changed dramatically.
I never wore a new dress, almost all of which the children of my mother's colleagues could not wear; the money saved was turned into new clothes and all kinds of toys, but not mine, but my cousin's.
Every time I asked my mom why I didn't have new clothes, my mom always answered me: "Little children grow fast, what new clothes are they wearing?" The old ones are fine. ”
"Then why do you always buy new clothes for your cousin?" Isn't he also a child? ”
"My cousin is a boy in the family, and wearing clothes that others don't want will be laughed at."
I don't understand the difference between girls and boys, why boys can wear new clothes, but if I dare to ask more than two words, my mother will get up and ignore me for a day.
The toys given to me by others will always be put away by my mother at the first time, and turn around and send them to my uncle's house; and when my cousin comes to my house, as long as he looks at my things, even if I like them, I have to give them up.
I tried to play a trick and refused to give, and my mother would not come to comfort me at all, but instead she was angry scolding: "You are a sister, why do you want to fight with your brother?" If your brother likes it, you can give it to him. You must know that only if your brother is good, you can live well! ”
Even at a young age, I began to realize that although he was my uncle's child and I was my mother's own daughter, in my mother's heart, he was the most important thing, and I didn't matter.
Just like when I was sick, my mother took me to the clinic to see a doctor at most, took a few packs of medicines, and then left me alone at home, what should she do; and when my cousin was sick, my mother would rush to my uncle's house overnight, take him to the hospital, and stay by his side for 24 hours, taking care of him step by step, even the medical expenses were reluctant to let my uncle out.
A child's heart is the simplest and easiest to be swayed.
My mother's indifference to me was in my eyes, remembered in my heart, and gradually gave rise to some estrangement.
When I was in the fifth grade, my father was sent to the village to stay there for a year to come back, he was busy with work, and it was good to come home once every two or three months, leaving me and my mother to live with each other. In the same year, my mother was also laid off from the supply and marketing cooperative and became a full-time housewife.
Dad was not at home, so he left enough money for the two of us to live on every month. When my uncle saw that my father was not at home, I had no scruples and ran to the house every three or five minutes to ask for money.
Mom had no income and had to find a way to live on a limited basis.
During that time, every time I ate, the table was either potatoes and steamed buns, or cabbage and steamed buns, and I couldn't see meat once in half a month.
Undernourished, I was thin and short, and my height was far behind the other students in the class.
Once, when my father came back, he was surprised to see that my face was yellow, and asked me why you were so thin.
I told him with a full stomach: "Every day is either potatoes or cabbage, not even meat, how can it not be thin!" ”
"It's impossible, my living expenses are enough, even if you eat meat every time, it's no problem, how can you eat potatoes and cabbage every day?"
Mom was afraid that Her father would investigate deeply, and she quickly interrupted him: "What potato cabbage, obviously she herself is not good at eating, picky eating, not thin is strange!" ”
Dad looked at me meaningfully: "Children should learn well, don't learn to lie." Eat well in the future and can't be picky anymore. ”
Not even my favorite dad believed me, and I went into my room in a negative mood.
One day two months later, my mom and I were eating, potatoes, steamed buns and pickles still on the table, and dad suddenly came home.
As soon as he entered the door, he saw the things on the table, and he was furious: "Do you really give these things to your daughter?" ”
My mother was so frightened that she stood up and explained busily, "Just eat once in a while." ”
Dad stared at her deadly, then turned and went to the kitchen, opening the cupboard and the refrigerator.
In addition to the steamed buns, which are pickles, I have never seen a single piece of meat residue. Only then did he believe that I was telling the truth.
That night, Dad and Mom had a very bad argument.
Dad asked mom where the money went, mom couldn't say it for half a day, seeing mom like this, what else did dad not understand? This is clearly squeezing out the living expenses to subsidize the uncle who is not a tool!
Dad was furious, threw his mother's things outside the door, and together with his mother, he also drove out of the house: "As the saying goes, tiger poison does not eat children." You are a motherfucker, for the sake of your brother, deduct to your own daughter! Are you human? Your family threshold is too high, you, I also can't afford it! divorce! ”
After saying that, in front of his mother, he slammed the door shut.
Early the next morning, Grandma took her mother to the house and cried in front of her father: "Why are you so desperate, my family Xiumei has been married to you for more than ten years, there is no merit and hard work, just for some food, you have to drive her away!" ”
Dad was not used to seeing Grandma's family, and replied without raising his head: "She is living a good life, will I drive her away?" It was she who didn't want to live a good life herself, and abused her daughter! ”
"How can she be abusive?" Didn't you just eat a little bit? ”
"Then I ask you, how much is a month's living expenses, potato buns and pickles worth?" Where did the rest of the money go? ”
Of course Grandma knew where the money had gone, but how dare she say it? His own son nibbled on his sister, and now even his niece nibbled on it, and he only had to be laughed at when he said it.
"Isn't that her brother having a hard time?" Isn't it right for a sister to help a brother? ”
Dad sneered, "The gang also has a head." Do you want me to calculate for you, after Xiumei married me, how much money did you Huang Tianye take from our family? If you don't raise your own son, do you want an outsider to help you raise him? ”
Dad's words made Grandma's face dull, but it was impossible for her to go back to educating her son to support himself, and she could only beg Her father not to mention divorce.
Dad looked at me and finally softened: "It's okay not to divorce for the time being, but in the future I will only give you the money for the elderly, if Xiumei still dares to take the money from the family to subsidize Huang Tianye, this marriage can only be divorced!" ”
Although my parents did not really divorce at this time, but with the lessons of the past, my father also woke up, he handed over the monthly living expenses to me, and I went to buy vegetables with my mother early every morning, and then went to school.
Yes, I've started housekeeping in fifth grade. Only because Dad no longer trusts Mom.
After graduating from elementary school, I went to junior high school, and my father arranged to live in the school, and the living expenses were also given to me. The family is still managed by the mother, but the daily expenditure must be recorded, and the father can check at any time.
Dad is not a stingy person, but he hates his mother's blind abuse. He didn't believe that his mother's temper would change, but he couldn't tolerate unprincipled and bottomless help!
Of course, her mother will not change, she can't stand her brother's performance of pretending to be poor, because her hands are really inconvenient, and the money she can give each time is only one or two hundred.
For a long time, my uncle had a grudge against his father. But Dad is their family's cash cow, and he can't openly offend, he can only swallow his anger.
Four
Seeing that his mother was unreliable, his uncle had to learn to find something to do on his own.
They opened a grocery store in the town, and it was said that it would be okay to run it well and make ends meet. But the life of the clothes to reach out and eat to open the mouth is used to, where can you still bear a little tiredness? I often open the door at noon to do business, and from time to time I close the door because I want to go out and play.
My mother would sometimes say two of them, but my aunt was righteous: "When I was chasing me, Huang Tianye assured me that I had come to enjoy the blessings when I entered the Door of the Huang family." Now that the blessing has not been enjoyed, why should it be affected? ”
The uncle was even more shameless: "Aren't there still you and your brother-in-law?" When you are a sister, shouldn't you take care of your brother? ”
Mom really can't let go of her delicious and lazy brother, if possible, I would like to live for him, he just needs to lie in bed every day and eat and wait for death.
Unfortunately, my mother did not get her wish because we moved.
Because of my father's job transfer, our family moved from the county town to the provincial city, far away, and my mother had more than enough heart and insufficient strength. In addition, there was no mobile phone at that time, even if you want to transfer money, you have to go to the post office or bank, and you have to pay a handling fee.
Under all kinds of inconvenience, my mother will still transfer a sum of money to my uncle for almost four or five months, but because my father controls her financial resources, the amount that can be transferred is not large, and she will turn a blind eye.
Shortly after I went to college, my cousin Ah Wei dropped out of high school and, like his father, was going to go out to earn money and make a fortune.
Because he is a son, his uncle has been spoiled by his family since he was a child, because he is a grandson, and his grandfather and grandmother have more love for his cousin than his uncle at that time.
Such a character works outside, which can swallow half a bitterness and half a grievance?
After changing several jobs, they were all fired for fighting, and finally swung around for three years, returning to no avail, and like his father, squatting at home and nibbling on the old age.
The good times are not long, grandparents have died one after another, the sister who is far away can not help too much, the uncle finally grew up, knows that he still has to rely on himself, running a grocery store is more attentive than before, there is no problem in the life of a family of three, but he can't save more money.
And I, after work, paid a down payment for a house with my own money and had my own nest.
Five
One day, I suddenly received a phone call from my uncle, and as soon as I picked it up, I heard an order from him to me: "Ah Wei is getting married, let your house go out, give him a wedding room!" ”
I didn't laugh angrily: "Why should my house be used as a marriage room for him?" Did he pay the down payment or the monthly payment? ”
"When you are a sister, isn't it right to help your brother?" That's it! Before I could call back, I hung up the phone with a snap.
I didn't take it seriously until a few days later, when I watched my uncle with my cousin and dragging a large bag of things to the door of the community, that I woke up to the fact that these two people really thought my house was his!
The two of them saw me and dragged their things up to me and asked me to take them home quickly.
I am not a good character, without saying a word, find the community property, and directly drive them out.
The next night, I had just come home, and my mother came to the door and asked me, "Yesterday your uncle came and they came, why don't you let them into the house?" ”
"They want my house, and I still let them in?" I'm not stupid! ”
My mother sighed and said to me in a serious tone, "Your brother has a hard time finding the right person, and your sister should fulfill him." You can earn money, your brother can't make money, what does it matter if the house is a new house for him? ”
My mother's words reminded me of my childhood, and didn't he snatch those toys that belonged to me for such a reason? I was young then, but now that I'm an adult, can I still get him to rob me of my stuff again?
"Mom, when I was a child, as long as Ah Wei liked my things, you would let me give it to him without saying a word." Now that he has taken a fancy to my house, you still don't say a word to let me give it to him. Is he your biological son or am I your biological daughter? You only think about him, have you ever thought about me once? ”
Maybe in her eyes, I was still the child who didn't understand the world, and in the face of my questioning, she was a little flustered: "Family, just because of something, why fight for you and me?" ”
"But is this something?" Do you think it's not important, it's not worth it, so why don't you just pay for him and buy him a house? Why hit me with the idea? Is it enough for you to indulge, or do you want me to be conniving? Did I eat his rice or drink his water? ”
"You child, how do you talk?" I don't care, I just inform you, you immediately pack up your things and move back, Ah Wei will get married next month, you hurry to vacate the house for him! ”
Looking at the mother in front of us, although our mother and daughter have been for more than twenty years, the person in front of us looks like a stranger.
Fortunately, my cousin's daughter-in-law was not exchanged, otherwise my mother would have pushed me out without blinking an eye. I said to myself.
It was false to say I wasn't sad, and when I called my dad, I obviously felt that my voice was trembling and there was some crying.
Unexpectedly, my father learned that my mother came to the door and forced me to let the house, and immediately filed for divorce, leaving no room for compromise.
Mom and Dad finally divorced, Grandpa and Grandma were gone, and she had to move to her uncle's house.
But now her mother has no use value, and her uncle's family does not want to see her at all, so he let her live at home for three days and then drove her out of the house.
Mom had nowhere to go, thinking of coming to my house, Dad was not allowed, fell ill in a fit of anger, and was taken to the hospital by passers-by.
I went to the hospital two days later.
In the hospital room, my mother was alone, the water bottle at the head of the bed was empty, and there was no heat.
Dad had never come, and her uncle, whom she had supported all her life, had never come to see him.
I silently called for hot water and wiped her face and washed her hands again.
I asked mom, "Is this the result you want?" You've spent your whole life for your uncle, and now what do you get? ”
Mom just cried and didn't say a word.
"You think you're helping him, but you're actually hurting him." With your care, he has never grown up, and he does not understand what affection is and what responsibility is. You when he's the younger brother, he's the cash cow when you're the cash cow. You have no money, it is worthless to him, throw it away, he didn't think you were his sister. ”
"Think about it for yourself. If you still feel like you should help him, I haven't been here today. ”
When I went to the hospital again the next day, my mother took my hand and kept it.
After my mother was discharged from the hospital, I was ready to take her to my house, but my father did not agree, and he offered to rent another house for my mother to live alone, and he would pay living expenses on time every month.
The premise is that the mother can no longer have contact with the uncle, nor can she tell the address to the uncle, if it is violated, then he will no longer care about her, let her fend for herself.
This time, Mom nodded.
Mom moved into a rental house, and the address was known only to me and dad.
My uncle had also called me many times to inquire about my mother's whereabouts, and every time I saw his name or heard his voice, I would immediately hang up the phone and not give him time to speak.
Whether the mother who has been a brother and devil for a lifetime will regret it, I don't know, but a good home was ruined because of her intolerance.
Six
The appearance of the Fu Di Demon is inseparable from the original family.
In patriarchal families, daughters often adopt a method of devotion in order to get more love and attention from their parents, for their parents as brothers. Once it is not paid, it will be attacked by the parents or brothers from the moral high ground. In the long run, such ideas were deeply rooted in their hearts.
But is this the right thing to do?
The Chinese nation attaches importance to and attaches importance to family affection. But affection is never a matter of giving and taking, nor is it a single commitment and giving. It requires equal giving by both parties to the affection, otherwise it will be out of balance.
On the surface, the brother is meticulous care, but in essence, the sense of boundaries of family affection is missing.
Too much intervention and excessive worry seem to unite family affection, but in fact, both of them have lost their egos.
One person is overly worried, one person enjoys being worried, the integrity of the small family is broken, and the growth of the individual is hindered.
The real brother is to give him to fish, not to give him fish.
To teach him to grow, to teach him responsibility and responsibility, to withdraw at the right time, is to respect himself, but also to respect the other party.
There is a saying in the I Ching: "Father and father, son, brother, brother, husband, woman and family are righteous." "It is not father and son, brother, couple or sibling, it means that everyone in the family is a complete person, not dependent on or dependent on others. Each member of the family performs his or her duties and does his own thing well, so that the family can be righteous and all things are harmonious.