01
In recent years, the topic of "helping brothers and demons" has become more and more popular, and even a saying has been born: "Marry someone without marrying a mother and a man, and marry a wife without marrying a brother demon." And now, in the blind date market, as long as men hear the word "brother demon", they will hear the wind and run away, which shows how afraid men are of women who help their brothers without principle.
If you encounter this kind of brother-in-law demon in marriage, the family's money will continue to flow into the pocket of the woman's mother's brother, and her own small family will only live worse and worse. When a husband and a brother have a conflict of interest, such a woman will not hesitate to choose her brother. And such a marriage is absolutely pathetic.
Some men find out after marriage that their wife is a brother-in-law, and their first thought is to change this obsession of women, and he hopes that through the efforts of the whole family, women will realize that her practice is wrong. But after the effort, he will find that any effort is useless, some obsessions can not be changed at all, and this deep-rooted thought and deep habit of going deep into the bone marrow will accompany her for a lifetime.
As the husband of this kind of brother-in-law, he had only two choices. Either they will let it go and willingly become a victim and become an offering pool for their brother-in-law, or they will completely get rid of this marriage and get rid of the brother-in-law. That's how you can get rid of that family of vampires.
And when a woman faces her husband's incomprehension and determination, she will not recognize her mistake at all, she only thinks that men are too cold, too unkind, obviously she just wants to help a bunch of brothers, what is wrong with this. Women's such thoughts will make her more and more extreme, even if she did not go to the step of divorce at the beginning, for a long time, it will definitely affect the feelings of the husband and wife, and then all the contradictions will erupt at once, and finally develop to the point of irreparability.
02
Li Qian (pseudonym) encountered such a problem. Her relationship with her husband became somewhat deadlocked because she often subsidized her brother. Her husband thinks that she is a complete brother-in-law demon, but she does not think so, but she feels that her husband is stingy and likes to be calculating, and even her brother cannot tolerate it.
She does not feel that she is a brother demon, she has a good relationship with her brother, she is the boss of the family, she is a younger brother, from childhood feelings are good, the father of the family has always told her that she is such a brother, and she will take care of her brother more in the future.
Her brother has also been clinging to her since she was a child, every day her sister and sister scream, her father buys him good food, and he also knows to leave it for her, which makes her feel that her brother is the best brother. He also secretly swore that he would take good care of his younger brother in the future and not let his younger brother suffer hardships.
Therefore, after she graduated from college and worked, she sent most of her salary to her younger brother, because his brother did not enter college, and he could not earn any money by working everywhere after graduating from high school, and the little money he earned was not enough for his usual spending. Moreover, her brother will have to get married and have children in a few years, which requires money, so she often subsidizes her brother after marriage.
She and her husband Pei Jian (pseudonym) are college classmates, her family can not afford the dowry, and Pei Jian's family can not afford the bride price, the two people have a good relationship when they go to school, so after graduation, the two people got a license and lived together. They plan to save money together to buy a house and save for a family business.
Pei Jian worked hard, and at first his salary was not much, but he also handed over all his salary to Li Qian, hoping to save up the down payment of the house by relying on a little accumulation, so that they could also have a home in the city.
But he never expected that Li Qian would use this money to subsidize her brother. At first, he didn't find out, but then he saw her transfer money to her brother on her mobile phone a few times, and although he didn't see the amount, he still felt uncomfortable. After all, she saved money for their family, and she even sent money to her brother who was already working.
He didn't hold back a few times, and Li Qian said every time that her brother was in an emergency, and she gave him some emergencies. Pei Jian didn't move after seeing her, and he thought she was listening. I didn't pay any more attention. Since then, he has been working diligently, and his monthly salary has risen from a few thousand to thirty thousand.
He felt that he was getting closer and closer to the goal of putting together a down payment on the house. The monthly salary of two people adds up to almost forty thousand, the monthly rent and living expenses of two people are less than ten thousand, and they save thirty thousand per month, and they can make a down payment in almost two years.
As soon as he thought of having his own house, he was full of energy every day. Time flies. When he felt that the deposit was almost enough, he and Li Qian proposed to buy a house, and even the location of the house was optimistic. When he asked her to take her bank card and go to see the house together, she said that she didn't have enough money.
He felt that he could not be wrong, in the past two years, he had not even bought a single piece of clothing, how could it not be enough. Under his persecution, his wife said that she had to subsidize her brother ten thousand every month, and sometimes her brother had a problem, and she would subsidize some more, so the money saved was simply not enough to pay the down payment of the house.
Pei Jian felt that he was going crazy, he didn't expect his wife to do such a thing, there were difficulties between relatives to help a little, he wouldn't say anything, but her brother obviously had a job, obviously they were all adults, and he even wanted her to be a sister's monthly subsidy so much, did she forget that she was a married person. And this money is still what he has worked so hard to earn, so that they can have a home in the city.
He reasoned with her, but she always thought she wasn't wrong and thought he was stingy. He felt that he could not live this day. This is a brother-in-law demon, if he continues to live with her, then he is estimated to have to raise his brother-in-law's family for the rest of his life. He thought that since there was no way to change his wife, then divorce, divorce, she wanted to subsidize her brother as much as she wanted, as long as she did not pull him along. He still wants to live his life. Therefore, he resolutely divorced, and his wife's pleading did not shake his determination.
The story of Li Qian and Pei Jian tells us two truths.
03
One: Some obsessions cannot be changed.
Some obsessions cannot be changed, but many people always want to change the other half's obsession, because if you don't try to change the other half's obsession, it means that you have to endure all this to continue, if you can't stand it, then you can only end the marriage with a hard heart.
But for everyone, whether it is to choose to endure or choose to end is not an easy task, so at the beginning, everyone will try to change their other half, just like Pei Jian wants to change Li Qian.
But it is difficult to change Li Qian's obsession, because this kind of thinking has been cultivated since childhood, and this obsession has penetrated deep into the bone marrow, and there is no way to eliminate or change it. In her concept, helping her brother is the first priority in life, her husband is not as important as her brother, even if her children may not be able to have a younger brother, so she will always help and will not change because of the opposition of the people around her.
Therefore, if you meet such a partner, if you don't want to be dragged down for a lifetime, the best way is to get out of this marriage as soon as possible, just like Pei Jian.
04
Second: Husband and wife are most afraid of fundamental contradictions.
In fact, it is normal for husband and wife to have a little conflict, and after the trouble, it will pass, and the days can still go on. But the husband and wife are afraid of fundamental contradictions, and if this contradiction cannot be resolved, then the marriage cannot continue.
The contradiction between Li Qian and Pei Jian is a fundamental contradiction, if Li Qian can't change her kind of brother-in-law demon attribute, the contradiction between the two people will only become more and more intense, and there will be no possibility for the husband and wife to continue.
If there is a small contradiction between husband and wife, then this small contradiction will not affect the feelings between husband and wife, but if there is a fundamental contradiction, then this contradiction will destroy the marriage of two people from the root, first destroying the trust in each other, then destroying the good feelings for each other, and finally evolving into disgust with each other.
Therefore, everyone must be cautious before marriage, and it would be tragic if it was discovered after marriage that there was a fundamental contradiction between two people.
Text/No Pen