With the development of the times, computers and smart phones have become an indispensable part of people's lives. This change has also affected children's lives, learning and play. More and more children give up outdoor activities, addicted to a variety of mobile games, more terrible is that they can not control their time in virtual games, even do not eat or sleep, day and night on the Internet buried in the "hard battle"; They close themselves off, believing that their parents do not understand themselves and are reluctant to communicate with them.
For parents, they are not only worried about their children's academics and future, but also worried about their children's bodies not knowing which day they will collapse. However, parents are soft and hard, and children's Internet addiction behavior is becoming more and more serious. In the face of the child's indifference, parents can only helplessly add helplessness.
Today, Xiaobian shared with you how Li Jianxue, an expert in child and adolescent psychology, helped children quit Internet addiction and return to school, and also told parents how to deal with their children's addiction to the Internet, refusal to go to school, and refusal to go out.
Teacher Li Jianxue said that teenagers have a case of Internet addiction
(Chief Counselor and Family Education Instructor of Guangzhou Listening and Speaking Bar Psychological Counseling Center - Li Jianxue :)
When YiFan came to me, his hair was so long that he completely covered his eyes, and I couldn't even see the expression on his face. He was tall, but he was hunched over, and he could not see the vitality of an adolescent child at all.
Yifan's mother pulled me aside and whispered, "Teacher Li, I heard about you from a friend, I came to you specifically, please be sure to save my child, this child does not sleep all night on the Internet, night and day upside down, I have no way at all." ”
I showed Yifan's mother to sit down first, and then asked the family of three to talk about the reason for coming, and my mother rushed to say some basic information about Yifan.
Yi Fan is 16 years old and a senior in high school. Before high school, in the eyes of his parents, YiFan was an obedient and sensible child, who studied very seriously and had good grades, but because of his more withdrawn personality, he rarely went out to play. The teacher also reported that Yifan was not very social at school, and there were fewer classmates who were friendly with him. Usually, he has no hobbies and interests, either reading books, or sitting in a daze or watching TV. His parents felt that in addition to going to school, it was quite good to stay at home at other times, and he could concentrate on studying and avoid being damaged by other classmates. In order to reward their children, parents specially sent a high-configuration computer that Yifan had been looking forward to for a long time.
Children are addicted to the Internet, and the relationship between parents and children is tense
Although Yifan usually likes to play mobile phones, he only checks the information, goes to WeChat, and plays small games. Now that he has a powerful computer, he can dabble in much more things on the Internet and spend more and more time online.
Unexpectedly, since he was hooked on an online game, the whole person has completely changed, all night and all night on the Internet to play games, three alarm clocks in the morning can not wake him, parents push him also does not wake up, often in the morning or even all day do not go to school class, at home to hold their heads and sleep, wake up hungry to eat something. He often did not take a bath, did not even wash his face, did not brush his teeth, and did not go out, and his parents did not use teaching, verbal abuse, and threats.
Because he did not go to school for a long time, his homework plummeted, and the school teacher first asked to see his parents, then he was punished, and finally he was asked to withdraw from school. Mom is an acute child, every time she goes to see the teacher and comes back, she will be furious, and Dad doesn't care much when he looks at the side.
In this way, Yifan's relationship with his parents has become more and more distant. Once, when his parents forcibly took the computer away, Yi Fan actually threatened to die and cut his vein with a knife. Fortunately, the knife was taken down by Dad in time, so it did not cause any damage. Since then, parents have no way, every day to watch the originally well-behaved, sensible children into the current decadent, degenerate look, can only regret why they sent the computer to the child, harming the child's life.
Over-treatment, Internet addiction into white-hot
Later, At the suggestion of her colleagues, Yifan's mother sent her child to a militarized management school in the suburbs that forced the cessation of Internet addiction. Saying that it is a school is actually a small training camp, and the children here are sent by their parents to forcibly quit Internet addiction. After only two months in it, Yifan became what he is now after he came out. The mother was both anxious and heartbroken, and had asked the child what had happened in the past two months. Yi Fan mentioned that the coach often physically punished him, shaved his head, instigated other classmates to beat him, and the angry mother found the school theory to negotiate for the child. However, nothing was enough.
After returning home from the training camp, YiFan did not play with the computer or talk, did not go out, locked himself in the room and did not see anyone, went to sleep after eating, woke up hungry and ate again, and then slept after eating. A week later, he started playing with the computer again, but he still didn't talk, he ate before the meal was delivered to the computer, he didn't eat if he didn't send it, he didn't let him play with the computer, he smashed things, and shouted. Mom became more and more worried, washing her face with tears almost every day, and also angry that his father did not help discipline the children.
When Yifan's mother said this, Yifan seemed to be listening to her mother tell other people's stories, and her father sat in the corner and looked indifferent.
Slowly open your child's heart
Asked about some of Yifan's situation when he was a child, her mother said that when the child was raised by her grandparents and parents, she and her husband were busy with their careers and could not take care of the children, and they took him to the side after the age of three. But at this time, my husband went to the field again due to work reasons, and he only came back once in a long time. Sometimes it is rare to come back, and the two will quarrel because of some trivial matters, often making trouble and dispersing, so she has always been taking care of Yifan. He has a bad temper, and sometimes Yifan will beat him if he is disobedient. But Yifan is still quite well-behaved, she is afraid that the bad child will spoil him, do not let the child play with other children, and go home directly after school, these Yifan have done it, making her very worry-free.
At the beginning, my mother liked Yifan to be quiet, and felt that he did not make friends to study well, and after going to junior high school, my mother watched the children of colleagues around her learn and play in groups, and often asked Yifan who was staying at home to learn from her classmates, and did not always close herself. As everyone knows, the more her mother nagged, the more Yifan did not want to go out, and finally she was not even willing to communicate with her mother. At this point, my mother cried sadly again.
In the next link, YiFan and I communicated alone, he crossed his hands to his chest, his back was straight against the sofa, and the whole posture of refusing to get close. To make him feel better, I leaned back against the couch so that we would be a little farther apart and less threatening to him. Sure enough, as soon as I leaned back, he relaxed a little, and his straight back leaned forward slightly to make it more comfortable to sit.
Feeling that he was a little more relaxed, we talked about it from the fact that he was forced to come to Guangzhou to listen to the psychological counseling center together by his parents, and as he slowly let go, he talked about how his hair grew as if it could make him hide behind and cut off the connection with others and the world. In fact, YiFan is a very smart child, his comprehension is very strong, he himself knows that playing online games is his escape from reality is not understood, not recognized, no friends, no happiness pain, he just wants to have a quiet corner, can let him breathe freely.
Parents are changing, parent-child relationships are improving
In the cases I received from adolescent counseling about Internet addiction, many of the Internet addiction counseling ended up becoming family therapy. Children have Internet addiction, parents also have to bear certain responsibilities, and the situation of Yifan is no exception. After several consultations, Yifan's parents slowly understood that their children's Internet addiction is only a superficial phenomenon, reflecting many problems in family relations and parent-child relationships. They reflected that they paid too little attention to the child at the beginning, only cared about life and learning, did not pay attention to the child's heart, disciplined too strictly, too many rules and requirements, resulting in the child's current introverted personality, not good at communicating with people, no friends, no activities, and can only find happiness on the Internet. And parents, especially mothers, do not understand the sensitivity and frustration of adolescent children in learning and interpersonal difficulties, it is difficult to accept the state of their son's "otaku", blindly force accusations rather than tolerance and encouragement, so that Yifan has more confidence in himself, more withdrawn, the only thing that can make Yifan feel confident, valuable, and accomplished is only in online games.
In the later consultation, the parents who realized their own problems and Yifan had a dialogue, the parents sincerely apologized to Yifan, they did not know how to be a parent in the past, always imposed what they thought was good on him, never considered his feelings, did not respect his ideas, especially without his consent, forced him to the training camp to quit Internet addiction, their misconduct made Yifan hurt, they knew that they were wrong in the past, promised to change in the future, and asked for Yifan's forgiveness. Looking at his tearful parents and hearing their parents say the three words "I'm sorry", Yifan finally shed tears of relief.
With the progress of counseling, the relationship between Yifan and his parents is constantly improving, everyone communicates more, the conversation and discussion of things are smoother, the relationship between parents is much better, there are few quarrels, not long ago their family of three just went on a trip. YiFan also said that their family has made a family rule, which is agreed on an equal basis, everyone can supervise each other, and he gives himself a rule that online games do not exceed two hours a day before going to school, and other times are used for reading and learning, sports, etc. After school, you can only play during the holidays, and you can't play more than two hours a day. Considering that Yifan has not gone to school for a semester, his parents respect the child's ideas and first go to the school to do the procedures for him to take a one-year suspension, while he himself finds a junior student online to help him with the homework he has left behind.
Get back to school, go back to school, and build a circle of friends
Three months later, Yifan and his parents came to the consultation room again, and they were very happy to say that Yifan rarely played games online now, talked more with them, and was also very cheerful. Yi Fan said that the third-year student helped him with his homework very hard, not only his teacher, but also became his good friend who talked about everything, most of the homework he had left behind had been made up, he had to seize the time to continue learning, and he could return to school after the start of the new school year.
Looking at the back of this happy family of three leaving, it feels that Yifan is not only looking forward to the upcoming new school year, but also welcoming his new life.
Conclusion: Internet addiction is not terrible. On the surface, children are addicted to the Internet and hate learning, which is essentially a poor family relationship and parent-child relationship. Only by seeing the psychological root behind children's Internet addiction can we prescribe the right medicine and find an effective way to solve the problem.
[This article is the original article of teacher Li Jianxue, unauthorized user, the company reserves the right to investigate according to law.] 】