Sleeping until midnight, I overheard my wife yelling, "Lao Wang is leaving, my husband is back." "As soon as I heard this, I was furious that your sister dared to steal people behind Lao Tzu's back." Instantly, I woke my wife up and asked, "...

Sleeping until midnight, I overheard my wife yelling, "Lao Wang is leaving, my husband is back." "As soon as I heard this, I was furious that your sister dared to steal people behind Lao Tzu's back." Instantly, I woke up my wife and asked, "Who do you say, Lao Wang?" The wife was blindfolded: "Old... Isn't lao wang you! "Yes, I remembered, I am also surnamed Wang, I thought about it, as if there was nothing wrong, and I continued to sleep contentedly."

2． Son: Mom, give me some money, my girlfriend is pregnant. Mom: Okay! Wait for my news tomorrow. The next day son: Mom, why hasn't the money arrived yet? Mother: Son, the wedding house, the wedding car, has bought the full money! Spot! Bring me back and get married! Your looks are good if someone wants to! Hurry up and get me back to get married!

3. The president recently hired a new female secretary, who is strong in work and looks beautiful. The president fell in love with her at first sight.

A few days ago, two people went on a business trip to other places, the president drank some wine, and finally with the strength of wine, plucked up the courage to confess to the female secretary: Xiaomei, I like you!

When the female secretary heard it, she slapped the president with a "snap".

The president was disheartened and felt that there was no drama. Just as she was about to turn around and leave, the female secretary yelled: "I'm thin-skinned, don't you know?" If you don't confess again, I'm going back to my hometown for a blind date!"

4. The cousin went to his girlfriend's house to propose to him, and the cousin's future father-in-law was very satisfied with the cousin, and finally told the cousin: "Child, you have to promise me, no matter what the circumstances, I don't feel that I will beat my girlfriend!" Can it be done? When the cousin heard this, he immediately took off his shirt, pointed to the fist mark of Wu Qing on his chest and said, "Uncle, do you see the authentic seven wounded fists that your girlfriend hit?" The future father-in-law also took off his shirt and pointed to the black green on his chest: The is the most authentic! ”

5. My daughter-in-law was promoted to the head of the workshop with excellent performance in the electronics factory some time ago, and our family was happy for her. But since then, the food she has cooked for me has become more and more salty. Sometimes it was so salty that I couldn't accept it, but I didn't dare to give my opinion, for fear that my daughter-in-law would let me cook. To this day, I found that my wife had served a good meal and secretly put salt in my bowl.

On the first night of the wedding, the bride had already changed into a beautiful silk nightgown and lay on the bed. But an hour passed, and the groom was still well dressed and looking out the window, and the bride reminded him impatiently: "What's wrong?" He replied, "Go to sleep first!" Leave me alone, because my mom told me that tonight was the most wonderful night I could ever see, so now I don't want to waste any second of the night view. ”

2. "A flight attendant I know is 26 years old and has been divorced twice. Curious, I asked her, "You're so pretty and in such good shape, how come you always get divorced?" She sighed and replied, "Because of domestic violence." After listening to it, I said very sympathetically: "You are really unlucky, how can you always encounter this kind of scum." The flight attendant said with some embarrassment: "I am angry and start to beat people." ”

3． The brothers married a Chongqing wife, and when the brothers and brothers went to their mother-in-law's house once, the mother took them to a big restaurant for dinner. After the dish was served, everyone began to move the chopsticks, and the brother suddenly threw the chopsticks away: "Don't eat it, this dish is poisonous!" The family looked at him confusedly, buddy: "Don't eat it, this dish is poisonous, my tongue is numb!" The mother-in-law smiled and said, "Boy, haven't you ever eaten pepper?" Our Chongqing cuisine is this taste! ”

4． The wife works at Sinopec, and the recent oil bill has risen a lot, and the wife has paid a salary of 50,000 yuan this month. After work, my wife excitedly took me to a three-michelin restaurant for dinner. We were eating well when my wife's leader suddenly called. My wife said that there must be no good thing, so I had a clever move, translated on the Internet, the phone you dialed has been turned off, please dial later. She let it go to his leader, and then there was a roar from the head: You when I'm a fool? I called you on WeChat, hurry back and work overtime!

5. On a dark and windy night, the abbot and The Master had a big fight over some trivial matters. The abbot went downstairs to sit downstairs in the community, and it was still snowing outside. Shi Tai came out and looked at it and said: What's wrong, I don't eat anymore? The abbot gambled and said: If you don't eat, you will be full when you drink the northwest wind! Then Shi Tai went back and spoke to the little monk in the house: It's cold outside, send a mask to your master, don't hold him up!

The sister-in-law used to be a waiter in a KTV, earning almost 10,000 a day, and then married an honest person, the two lived a plain life?, but last week, the sister-in-law's husband was not rescued in a car accident, and the sister-in-law was sad. At the funeral, I whispered to her: How much does the insurance pay?? The sister-in-law replied: At that time, I did not approve of it, and I did not let him buy it. I asked again: How much family property did he leave for you? The sister-in-law cried: Two hundred and thirty million. Two hundred million is: remembrance, memories.? Thirty million: Don't take good care of the children, don't take good care of the elderly, don't remarry.

2. I put Moutai wine in a mineral water bottle, went to the restaurant to eat, and happened to meet Fa Xiao, who had not been seen for several years. I gave Fa Xiao a full cup, Fa Xiao looked at it, thought it was loose wine, a bit of a look of contempt, but still drank. After a while, he couldn't help it and said: Waiter, come to the bottle of Maotai. Then he unscrewed the lid and filled each other with a cup, took a sip and said, "This is much more comfortable to drink." ”?

3. It's been one year since I married my daughter-in-law, and my mother-in-law has something to do with me for a few days. My daughter-in-law and I are a little worried, after all, we have not cleaned up for a year, and my mother-in-law must criticize us for such a messy family. Sure enough, my mother-in-law criticized my wife as soon as she arrived home: "Since you are too lazy to put on the stall, you must be diligent and fast..." If I remember correctly, my mother came back to my house and said the same thing to me.

4. When I was in high school, my table was a beautiful class flower. After the college entrance examination was over, the results were issued, and The class flower looked frustrated and said to me: "I smashed this exam, why should I do it?" I wiped her head and said, "I had expected it, so I deliberately put a big piece of it and didn't do it, so we can go to the same school." "Later, I went to Lanxiang Technical School to learn excavators, and Banhua relied on her father to study abroad.