1. The old man gave me 2.8 million to start a business, and I spent 2 million to buy a Porsche 911. Then he used the remaining 800,000 to open a noodle restaurant. Last night, a woman came to me

1. My husband gave me 2.8 million to start a business, and I spent 2 million to buy a Porsche 911. Then he used the remaining 800,000 to open a noodle restaurant. Last night, a woman came to me to eat noodles. Just because of 1 yuan, I quarreled with my wife, and then I quarreled and cried on the table. I hurried up to persuade her and told her that she didn't want her money for food. I didn't expect her to cry and say: I didn't cry because of money, I didn't expect that I would argue with others for 1 yuan, this is not the life I want.

2. Divorced female colleague had to marry me, I thought she had an 8-year-old daughter, so her daughter came to me and said, "Uncle, my mother is beautiful, this is the truth." "I said yes. She said, "You just think I'm a drag bottle?" "I said yes. She suddenly sneered: "Uncle, you are so stupid, I am a girl, not a son, what are you worried about?" Don't look at me small, they all say that I am a beautiful embryo, and after 10 years, I will be a beautiful woman, and when I get married, you will have to receive a bride price. "I said yes. She continued: "If you find a first-time marriage, get married and have children now, and raise a child to 8 years old, it will cost you 100,000 yuan, not including your 8 years of anger because of children." You see you, married my mother, have a child, have a wife, how happy! "Not to mention, when I heard her say this, I was moved. She's 8 now, her mom is 35 and I'm 19. 10 years later I'm 29, she's 18 years old, and we don't seem to have a big gap in age. If I take good care of it, we should not feel violated when we are together, right?

3. Working at KTV, I unconsciously contracted a smoking addiction, and my boyfriend knew it. My boyfriend took me home to meet my parents, and in order to make a good impression, I never smoked in front of their second son. Married for a year they don't know either. That night, he discussed with her husband in the bedroom about his resignation from KTV. With a cigarette in my hand, my mother-in-law suddenly came in to find my husband to go to the supermarket, just in time to see me holding a cigarette in my hand, and I was momentarily stunned. When my husband saw it, he quickly picked it up with a smile and said, "I smoked it, let her help me take it!" "After saying that, just as I was about to leave, a wisp of green smoke came out of my nostrils.

4. Accompany my sister-in-law to a blind date, due to traffic jams on the road, I am 20 minutes late!! When they arrived at the agreed meeting place, the sister-in-law first apologized to the man and explained the reason for the lateness. The man's indifferent look: It's okay, it doesn't matter!! The sister-in-law immediately got up and left, and I asked the sister-in-law in confusion: This has not yet begun to understand, why should I go?? The sister-in-law said: Hahaha, sister-in-law, you see that the goods are ugly, can you match your little sister-in-law like a flower?? Me: That's too confident!!

5. I used to drive my girlfriend's fit and accidentally hit the street lamp. The policy showed a loss of 77,000, and Ping An Insurance said the vehicle was scrapped to 77,000. The garage bid 80,000, all kinds of routines, I don't know how to operate. In addition, it is not my own car, and I am afraid of trouble and directly hand it over to the insurance company. Later, I asked my girlfriend to know that his car ran 9,000 kilometers, which was quite valuable.

6. During the noon break, the brother coaxed the sister-in-law to sleep, and the brother said: Daughter-in-law, you can sleep in peace, I will catch mosquitoes for you! The sister-in-law fell asleep movingly, and as soon as she went to sleep, she heard a loud laugh, and when she opened her eyes, she saw that it was her brother laughing. The sister-in-law asked her brother: What?? My brother said: I chased the mosquitoes a few times, and suddenly I felt like a pork seller.

7. Take the elevator, there is a man and a woman in the elevator, the woman presses the 14th floor, the man presses 17, and I go to 23. I don't know how, the elevator stopped on the 9th floor, the woman did not look at it to go out, the elevator door just closed to hear the man behind me say stupid, the result of this man on the 14th floor decided to go out. I laughed wildly in the elevator myself, the elevator just stopped and went out, and when the elevator door closed on the back of me, I saw a big 17!

8. After my mother knew that my sister-in-law had the flesh and bones of our family, she took good care of her. Last night my sister-in-law suddenly had a fever, and my mother was frightened and quickly asked me to drive my sister-in-law to the hospital. My mother said to me: Son, you have been working for a day, go home and rest, I am here to accompany your sister-in-law. Then he said to my sister-in-law: Daughter-in-law, if it is uncomfortable, she will sleep, and when she falls asleep, it will not be uncomfortable! When I went to the hospital the next day to deliver food, I found that my sister-in-law was pale, her hands had begun to bleed back, and my mother was still sleeping.

 #Funny##Funny paragraph# #今日笑料 #