1. Dad has long felt that my son and I don't look like each other, and finally hid from me and took my son to do DNA, which showed that the grandparents did not have a half-cent relationship. The wife cried to the death and was willing to live

1. Dad has long felt that my son and I don't look like each other, and finally hid from me and took my son to do DNA, which showed that the grandparents did not have a half-cent relationship. The wife cried to death and was willing to prove her innocence with death. So, I personally did a DNA test with my son, and the results showed that the two were father and son. Then my dad and I went for DNA testing, and it turned out that we didn't have a half-cent relationship. The old mother cried to death and was willing to prove her innocence with death. So, I did a DNA test with my mother, and the results showed that we were also not related to half a cent. Excluding genetic mutations, there is only one possibility in the hospital to hold the wrong child. Overnight our family rushed to the hospital where I was born. The old nurse flipped through the yellowed paper file and finally said that there was only one boy born that day and at the same time as me, called xxx. My wife was stunned, and so was I. Carefully checked all the information of the little boy, and finally determined that the little boy was the wife's "brother". The wife trembled and called her father-in-law and mother-in-law and her "brother-in-law." Her "brother" was abducted to do DNA testing with my father and mother," and I was abducted to do DNA testing with my father-in-law and mother-in-law. The results showed that my father-in-law and mother-in-law had a father-son mother-son relationship, and my wife and brother-in-law and my parents had a father-son mother-son relationship. In other words, my wife is my own sister, and I am my wife's brother. But we are brothers and sisters, and the children are the products of close relatives, so why is there nothing unusual? In the end, I had to do another DNA test with my wife. The test results showed that the two did not have a half-cent relationship. Fortunately, my wife is not my own sister. I'm not my wife's brother either. so...... Who the hell is she? With doubt, I looked at my father-in-law's mother-in-law's biological parents. The wife was very excited, and tearfully forced the two old men to ask who they were. The biological father said, "You... I actually picked it up from the garbage heap. ”

2.. One night I drank outside and forgot the corridor password when I came home, so I called the security guard. He asked solemnly, "How do you prove that you are the owner?" I said, "Open the door for Lao Tzu!" The security guard said, "Prove it to Lao Tzu." I shouted, "Beanie." A dog's head popped out of the balcony, and I said, "Bark." "So Beanie shouted, causing the next door to be called, causing the opposite black-backed icon to cry... In the blink of an eye, the community was noisy, and the lights were lit. The security guard wore his suit and said, "This proof is too noisy and powerful." "Hurry up and open the door!!!!!

3. My girlfriend thought I was incompetent and incompetent to make her live a good life, so she broke up with me and married a 65-year-old rich man. Heartbroken, I quit my job and went to work in a small studio. The office environment is very poor, and there are often rats who patronize, steal snacks, and leave rats with SHI, which everyone hates. This morning, a female colleague exclaimed: Oh, the rats are at her desk again, the snacks are not eaten, the rats are not left, but my toilet paper is bitten. Another colleague said lightly: The rats have eaten and drunk together, and they are almost a Simmons window mat...

4. When playing "Detective", I met a girl, and we talked for half a month, about to meet at the hot pot restaurant. When I arrived at the hot pot restaurant, I saw that she was a beautiful woman. After chatting for a while, two men and two women came, and I didn't even see them at the menu and ordered a large table. No one paid attention to me during the meal, I went to the bathroom halfway, and then ordered two bottles of 82-year-old Lafite for them at the counter, then took two Chinese and went home. When I woke up the next day, my phone showed more than 80 missed calls. Alas, the other party may have been interested in me, and I should have missed it again.

5. The landlord's three-hundred-pound daughter finally found a boyfriend, and I was kicked out in order to let the two of them get along alone.

The new house I just rented has not yet had time to install a wireless network.

Looking at a bunch of signals on the phone and not knowing whose house it is, I wrote down the model number and asked Du Niang.

Zhaodu Niang prompted for the password 12345678, and then a miracle happened...

After a while, I heard the phone upstairs scolding customer service: "Ask what my internet speed is suddenly so stuck!" ”

6. A few days ago I went to the gas station to refuel, met a girl who sold mineral water, 5 yuan a bottle, let me buy a box. The sister ChuChu said pitifully: "You drive such a good car, buy a box, I have been standing for half a day." The girl's words were like a thousand sharp swords piercing my heart, and I couldn't help but evoke countless memories. I think that I also worked as a summer worker in the past, and I experienced all kinds of heartaches and difficulties. So I opened the trunk and took out a folding chair: "10 yuan a piece, buy one and sell it sitting, be comfortable!" Oh, sister, don't go, this chair is comfortable. “

7. Last night was dangerous, in front of the drunk driving, I just finished drinking out, I already knew not to take this road, closer and closer to the traffic police, the heart suddenly jumped, the palms of the hands were full of sweat, wanted to escape, but the front were all police, running could not run, it was my turn, blowing a mouthful of the wine detector, the machine screamed madly, thinking that this time I could not hide... The police yelled at me: "Hurry up, walk along with what a hilarity!" "Fuck! Drink too much and forget to drive!

8. Last night, I took my three-and-a-half-year-old nephew for a walk in the park when I suddenly saw a young couple kissing. My nephew asked me, "Uncle, what are they doing?" I said: They're putting on a show. Tonight the community came to a troupe to perform a program, and the host sister in the middle said: Are there any audience friends willing to come up and perform a program to help everyone entertain? The nephew ran up and down, and then wrapped up the host's sister for a kiss.

9. I was on a hot site, looking at the hard-working workers and the building under construction. At this point 4 questions are swirling around in my head and I will look for their answers. What should be the next step in the construction project? How to ensure the quality of construction? How to shorten the project duration? How to control construction costs? Suddenly, the contractor shouted: What a stupid, hurry up and move the bricks!

10. The cousin is the secretary of Chery Group, and the boss is more severe. When she was pregnant, she was afraid of losing her job, so she insisted on going to work. One day at work, I suddenly had a stomachache and gave birth to the hospital at night. During maternity leave, she went to get her salary.

#Funny##Laugh at the dead for their lives##搞笑段子 #