Text | Rice grain mom
A few days ago, I wrote a article "I am not afraid to receive such calls and WeChat, I respect you as a man!" "Good Domi powder message said, too real, after the child went to school, the old mother is all "instigated bag"
However, two other friends sent me WeChat messages at the same time, saying that after reading the article, I felt that I was a little anxious about the rice grain.
"Hurry up and have a second child!"
This is the last "harsh word" that the two of them came over to me.
To be honest, compared with the parents around me, I am already a very "Buddha".
Rice grains have been relatively skinny since childhood, and active, big problems are not, small problems are continuous, so whether it is a cold and fever, gastrointestinal discomfort, or kicking and injury, if I have arrived at the company, usually it is time to meet, the selection of products, let the rice grain grandmother take the rice grain home for observation.
Occasionally, I forgot, and it may have taken me two or three hours before I remembered to call my grandmother to ask about the situation. Although my rice grain grandmother let me work with peace of mind, she often poked and poked and poked at my rice grain grandfather and complained that I was "not like my mother"
In fact, the same is true in learning, and the teacher of the rice grain has made it clear that parents cannot be too big-hearted.
Watching many stay-at-home mothers around me pick up their babies early every afternoon, I would have a feeling of "dragging the rice grains hind legs" from time to time, but my body was very honest, and my hands were still crackling on the keyboard
I didn't have so much confidence in myself, and I was afraid that I would put myself on the grain of rice, but I wouldn't be able to achieve the "Buddha's result", and in the end I would be very annoyed and frustrated.
But I do get anxious from time to time, and I think every parent will do this to a greater or lesser extent, but everyone's anxiety is different.
Speaking of the matter of giving birth to a second child, in fact, I have thought about it, and I have written articles before
Those who have a second child, do they regret it?
The four endings of having a second child, see which one you are?
There are more and more families with second children around, and we often chat and party, and their sweet and sour tastes are shared with me and complained to me.
Rice grain mother found that having a second child will really reduce parenting anxiety to a certain extent, but at the same time there will be another problem, that is, the probability of anxiety outlet is still concentrated on the boss, and for the second child, the anxiety level is almost zero
If you average the two children, anxiety does decrease, haha~
Most of the two-child families, parents spend more time and thought on the eldest, although the second brother "grows wildly", but they all look good, so ah, although the parents prefer the second child (worry-free), but prefer the boss (bother).
Rice grain mother a friend, two sons in the family, the older brother is in the 2nd grade, and the younger brother is more than 3 years old. I saw their family's "differential treatment" of the two babies.
Before my brother went to kindergarten, he had early education and swimming lessons every week, played all kinds of indoor and outdoor amusement parks in Beijing, and opened a single game room with many toys at home.
My brother's kindergarten is a demonstration garden that has locked in a good relationship since birth, so to speak, most of the children in the kindergarten are sharpened before squeezing in (we don't know which is good, my friend's baby has been on for two years, and I can't say which is good).
His family was not originally near the kindergarten, at first the elderly took a taxi every day, and then felt that "the child was guilty", so he rented a house near the kindergarten. In the last year of kindergarten, a friend transferred to a tall international kindergarten.
When it was the turn of the second eldest, when he was pregnant with his younger brother, his friend swore to me: The absolute bowl of water is flat, the eldest has it, and the second brother must have it.
As a result, there is no early education and early education, swimming and swimming, the amusement park can only follow the brother to mix (which brother goes, he will take it with him), toys, clothes are all picked up when the brother was a child (fortunately, the brother was more toys), kindergarten - the public garden of 750 a month in front of the door, can not be more fragrant, hahaha.
I said the difference is a bit big
Friends are very calm, said: Some money, only after spending to know, in fact, can not be spent
But her brother is really worry-free, before going to her house, friends stared at her brother to practice, the small one climbed up and down the house, what he wanted to take himself, the real "ask for others is not as good as asking for yourself."
Play with toys by yourself, read books by yourself, read by yourself, search for food in your drawers when you are hungry, carry a small stool around the house, no matter how high the place can not stop him, Huo Huo is tired and sleeps upside down.
The more this happens, the more the friend feels that his brother is easy to support, and the more he does not spend time and thoughts on his brother.
Keep staring at your brother.
Sports are not good, apply for various sports interest classes, accompany running sparring; introverted, take out to participate in various weekend camps, create a social environment; study the boss's exercise books, tutorial books, and accompany online classes every day...
The younger brother in the stocking state, more than 3 years old, learned the bicycle by himself, learned the roller skating by himself, learned it by himself with chopsticks, and memorized a lot of poems and recognized a lot of words.
In fact, friends really do not read picture books and tell stories to their brothers, the younger brother rubs his brother's picture books to see, no matter what age of the book, take it to see, sometimes the brother to talk, sometimes they "look at the picture to talk", when the mother is busy, directly to the story audio.
Friends also told me that my brother is too likable, no one to worry about, but also very warm, mom and dad came home and handed slippers and water, high emotional intelligence, but also coax people to be happy.
Speaking of my brother, my friend sighed a little, but with another "biological" and "I don't care who cares" posture.
The two-child family basically practiced "the eldest took care of the book, and the second child took care of the pig".
The second eldest, from birth, has a strong desire to survive, because they have "brother/sister" on it, and "brother/sister" was once the only child in the family, and they were loved by thousands of people.
For the boss, the second is an intruder, and for the parents, they will also be afraid of ignoring the boss because of the arrival of the second, but will be more desperate to accompany and compensate the boss.
Because there is an example in front of him, he knows what to do and what not to do, how to do everything, and he hears a lot of detours, and learns everything quickly.
Also because the parents are too let go and have limited energy, the second son's self-care ability will be stronger.
Therefore, the second brother's peace of mind is also "forced out".
Chatting with another friend a few days ago, her family is also two children, the sister is in the fifth grade of primary school, and the younger brother is 5 years old, which is exactly the second child she wanted when the country first opened the second child.
She said that she was most afraid of her sister getting sick, even if her sister was so old, once she got sick, their whole family would still be very flustered. But I wasn't so anxious about my brother.
Brother shouted ear pain at night, friends think it should be otitis media, Grandma said to go to the emergency room, friends to measure the temperature, no fever, with a mobile phone to see, at night ear, nose and throat only special needs number, turned to ask the brother: the ear is very painful and painful, the pain is too much to stand? Or is it a little painful, intermittently painful?
The younger brother said: It hurts a little, but... It doesn't hurt very much.
The friend then put his arm around his brother and said: Mother is holding it, and it will not hurt when she falls asleep
Then slept until the next morning, before going to the hospital.
She said that if she were the boss, whether he needed special needs or not, he would have rushed to the hospital for the first time.
In fact, the rice grain mother can understand that most parents have this "preference" for the first child, and the "preference" is not "eccentric", but comes from the uncertainty and unsteadiness of the parents in parenting.
I have a colleague who is the second child in the family and her sister is much older than her.
When she was a child, relatives and friends said that she was the "oldest child" (the youngest child) in the family, the most favored, she also thought so, until she grew up, had her own children, and then recalled when she was a child, only to find that her sister was the child that her parents "preferred".
When her sister was in her third year of junior high school, her colleague found several small cake bags in her sister's drawer, empty, and she thought that her sister was secretly buying snacks, and she also went to her parents to file a complaint.
Later, she learned that it was because her sister sprinted to take the middle school exam and had to study late every day, and her mother quietly bought sausages and small cakes for her sister, and also let her sister keep it a secret (colleagues laughed at themselves: it may be because she has been gluttonous since she was a child, afraid of not being able to afford it).
When my sister was in high school, every day I went to study at night, parents could go to deliver food at 6 p.m., my mother made food every day to fill my sister with a full lunch box, after filling the lunch box, there was no meat left in the pot, and colleagues said that she poured rice into the pot and mixed with broth to eat.
Since childhood, my mother has made great efforts in my sister's learning, there were no online classes in that era, there was no systematic make-up class, my mother had nothing to do to go to the bookstore to pick up essays for my sister, pick reference books, and also entrusted the relationship to find a teacher to make up for my sister alone.
To my colleagues, throw it directly to the boarding school, worry and effort
In fact, colleagues said that she herself knows that her parents' preference for her sister is instinctive, because everything that the first child experiences is unknown, such as the beginning of the primary school, the middle school entrance examination, the college entrance examination, graduate school, work, marriage and children...
No matter what the first child faces, it is like an adventure, parents and children are like "comrades-in-arms" who have been tied for a lifetime, upgrading and fighting monsters together, rejoicing together, worrying together, challenging together, even if they go all out, they will still tremble and tremble, like walking on thin ice.
But the second child, everything that he experienced in his growth, his parents already knew what they were doing, they were not in a hurry, and they could face it calmly.
In fact, the two-child family in life can achieve absolute "a bowl of water flat" for two children, too little and too little.
Before, an editor sister in the company, who was also born in a two-child family and had an older brother, said that her mother was very rare and absolutely fair to the two children.
From a young age, their family had a small balance, divided snacks for the two children, would weigh a scale on the scale, and determine that there was as much before dividing it between the brothers and sisters.
If my brother does well in the exam and my sister does not do well in the exam, my mother will reward my brother with a pen, and she will also give her sister a pen to encourage her to do better next time.
The rice mother feels that this mother may use this visible "bowl of water to be flat" to control her inner "likes" and "preferences".
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