The college entrance examination score of 620 was scolded by the mother for an afternoon and asked to repeat it, is her daughter's life not as important as face?

Text | Rice grain mother

Recently, the grandeur of college entrance examination volunteering has been dazzling, but there is a post that caught the attention of Mi Gran's mother:

My cousin scored 620 points in the exam and was scolded by her aunt for an afternoon.

At first, the rice grain mother thought that the child could have rushed to the north, but the performance was abnormal, and the parents felt that it was difficult to accept, but looking down, this was not the case at all.

It turned out that at the beginning, my cousin's score was estimated at 670 after the college entrance examination, and my mother heard that this was stable, so she bragged with her relatives that her children were randomly picked by Xi'an Jiaotong University and Western Institute of Technology.

But after the score, it is 50 points less than expected, not to mention the two schools that were randomly chosen before, and maybe even the lower school has to be more cautious.

If the aunt is just anxious about her cousin's future, Mi Li's mother still thinks that she just used the wrong way, but she directly told her daughter, which is "too shameful", so she asked her daughter to repeat her studies and strive for 700 points next year.

To put it bluntly, let my daughter fight for herself next year.

The rice grain mother simply couldn't understand, for the sake of her own face, let the child endure another year of suffering and gamble on the future.

Afraid that they will be embarrassed by hitting their faces, but they have to let their children bear the consequences, is her daughter's life really not as important as face?

Revenge parents, ruined children

The Korean drama "Sky City" explores the topic of "children and face".

The elite family who just finished the college entrance examination has become a winner in the eyes of everyone, his parents are excellent, and his son has won an offer from Seoul Medical University, which is equivalent to getting a ticket to a brilliant life, and the family is really enviable.

But no one knows what kind of torture the elite is suffering behind the glamorous and beautiful.

Since the age of 7, I have been forced by my parents to study non-stop from morning to night, and I have never had a day off, even if I get sick or even faint, I must learn to learn at two o'clock in the morning.

Once the test is out of whack and the first place is not obtained, it will attract endless humiliation and abuse from parents, and will be devalued to nothing.

Because only the first place can give parents the capital to brag about, so that parents can have the aura of envy.

Children, in this way, became a tool for them to show off.

The scene that impressed Mi Li's mother the most was that the results of the elite exam were not satisfactory, and Dad directly picked up a gun and pointed it at him, and said to him viciously:

To disappoint, there must be a measure, how can that stupid fool be my son.

Yingcai's eyes were both frightened and unbelievable: just because I didn't do well in the exam, my father wanted me to die.

In the eyes of Yingcai, parents only love face, not themselves, so they study hard and decide to drop out after being admitted to a prestigious school, shattering their dreams.

In the end, Yingcai broke off relations with his parents and ran away from home, his mother committed suicide with a gun after seeing his son's diary, and his father could only leave to find his son, and the beautiful family fell apart in an instant.

Don't you know that after entering a prestigious school, you will have a good future?

He knows.

But he would rather sacrifice his life than fight his parents, who he doesn't love him at all.

But when the mother commits suicide and the father gives up everything to find his son, isn't it the manifestation of the guilt and regret that the parents feel because they love him?

It's just that the late love can no longer cover the child's heart.

Once, parents hit their children in order to protect their face, and in the end, they not only lost face, but also lost their children.

He is your child, not your face

Rice grain mother has seen a netizen's post before.

He said that his grades were very good in high school, but he smashed the exam at the end of the winter vacation of his freshman year of high school, and his grades regressed a lot.

At the beginning, he still thought about taking the exam next time and taking the position back, but he didn't expect that the New Year would become a disaster for him.

Relatives get together and always talk about the child's grades, he is always preached if he does not do well in the exam, and his mother's face is getting worse and worse.

After the relatives left, his mother began to accuse him: "You see that you have taken the exam like this, people all over the world know it, I am afraid that others will see me when I walk on the road, I am ashamed." ”

It may be the embarrassment of comparing with other people's children for a long time, and his mother often uses the problem to play, scolding him so that he can't raise his head at all.

Later, he gradually began to agree with his mother's ideas, and also felt that he was terrible, unable to study, and his grades were naturally getting worse and worse.

As a result, he fell into an endless cycle, with poor grades – blamed by his mother – even worse.

American psychologist James Dobson said: There are thousands of ways to make children lose self-esteem, but to rebuild self-esteem for children, it is a slow and difficult process.

Children's self-esteem is the fundamental problem, but the parents' good face is only a superficial problem, if you only look at the surface, and ignore the fundamental, even if the child wants to work hard, the voice of complaint will overwhelm him.

Mother Migrain feels that parents who care about face and belittle their children are actually not paying attention to the emotional needs of their children.

Many people have faced similar emotional neglect when they grow up, such as being forced to compare learning and understanding with other people's children, and as a result, parents devalue themselves as worthless while praising others.

The rice mother knows that parents have no malice towards their children, and even wants to motivate their children, but this practice really breaks the child's heart.

Parents love to compare children, in fact, they regard their children as their accessories, so they will worry that their children "can't take their hands", and they lose their objective evaluation attitude and unconsciously become harsh.

Some netizens said that when he was a child, he loved to sing, and once confidently sang a song in front of his relatives, but he was said in public by his mother:

What a singing, it's really ugly.

Since then, she has not dared to sing again, and sometimes she even trembles nervously.

This is because when parents feel that their children are not doing well and are embarrassed, they will make them fall into self-denial, do not see their own merits, and be full of shame about everything.

Children will also lose their motivation and will not be able to face the challenges and setbacks in life positively.

Standing with the child is the greatest confidence for him

Mother Migrain always believes that educating children is far more important than face.

Standing with your child may lose your face, but you will definitely support your child.

Fu Seoul once talked about her way of supporting her children on a variety show.

When the elders of the family gathering forced the children to recite a poem, she was always the first to stand up:

I'll carry it, I'll recite it to you, and I'll sing a song to everyone.

Everyone laughed, but Mi Li's mother felt that the child's heart must be warm.

Fu Seoul was afraid of the child's embarrassment, and also afraid that the child would hurt his self-esteem, so he took the initiative to stand on the same side as the child.

Echoing relatives and pushing the child to the "stage" is equivalent to putting the child in a situation of isolation and helplessness, and also making him lose support.

You know, allowing children to show their true self is the best way for children to accurately recognize themselves, without conceit, let alone inferiority, because he knows that his current self is very good.

There is such a question on Zhihu: Can you accept that your child's college is not as good as yours?

One girl's mother accepted.

The girl's mother graduated from Fudan University School of Medicine, and Zhang Wenhong is a classmate of the same level, and won the first place in the four-year class in six years of college.

However, compared to their mothers, girls are much inferior in grades.

Since the beginning of elementary school, the grades have been in the middle and lower reaches, and the score line of one book has not been passed during the college entrance examination.

Most of the children of her mother's colleagues are also graduates of prestigious schools, and it is inevitable to compare them at parties, but the girl's mother never puts any pressure on her, but sees her as proud.

Little things like running first place in class and traveling alone with friends can become a boasting capital for moms and others.

Her mother has never inspired her with other people's children, let alone felt that her daughter embarrassed herself, because in her mother's eyes, her daughter's advantages are too many.

The girl also said frankly: I know that I am not good enough, but I still have the confidence and courage to face all the challenges in life, because this is the ability given to me by my mother's love.

Mother Migrain thinks that the ultimate goal of our education of children may not be to let him be admitted to a prestigious school, enter a big factory, and live a luxurious life.

It's about feeling happy in every moment of life and having the courage to start the next journey in the face of setbacks.

The definition of excellence may be different in everyone's mind, but if you want your child to be a good person, you must see him as an individual independent of his parents.

The child's excellence is not a talk of parents showing off, and a momentary trough is not a reason for parents to be embarrassed.

What we can do is to give him more understanding and companionship, let him know that the love of parents is always unconditional, and parents are his eternal harbor.

When children feel enough love, they will fight more and more courageously, and move forward in their own lives.

Personal profile: @米粒妈爱分享 rice grain mother, American returnee, Haidian parent. Focus on learning dry goods, educational experience and further education.