Text | Rice grain mom
The other day I was in "Big Speechless! A week after the start of school, my son brought back two messages" mentioned that just a few days after the start of school, the rice grain told me that the teacher asked him to discuss with his parents, and the after-school delay of one and a half hours after school, could he not participate?
To be honest, I am weak-minded
Entering the middle and upper grades, more and more mothers are quitting
When the postponement of the class was just started last semester, the teachers were trying their best to persuade everyone to participate; this semester was not mandatory and there was no hint, and the result was that most of the children in the class were picked up by their parents as soon as school was over, and many of them were picked up by their mothers.
At three o'clock in the afternoon, the gates of various primary schools in Haidian staged the most simple human reality.
Before the double reduction, once school is over, don't care whether mom and dad or grandparents, walk like a fly, lead the child, pull the sleeves and trot all the way to the after-school class.
After the double subtraction, after a semester of "labor pain", now each family has its own learning rhythm, someone in the family (can manage learning) to bring back, no one at home (can manage learning) to stay in school.
In the past two years, around the grain of rice alone, more and more parents of classmates have returned to the family.
Some are completely full-time at home, some are doing part-time work at home, some choose flexible office, and the least will change to a job close to home or a job that is not too overtime... Of course, the reason behind it is at the expense of career and renminbi.
In the adult world, there is no choice.
Pros and cons, gains and losses, each family must have been measured countless times. There is no need to doubt this.
So, when the teacher asks if the rice grain can not participate in the after-class delay, what am I "weak in my heart"?
What I "feel weak" is that if I choose to give up (mostly) work, I can indeed be like many mothers around me, pick up the grain of rice at 3 o'clock, run and jump rope to play football, go home and brush up on the problem, talk about current affairs at dinner, preview and review at night, read the Red Book again, practice English writing... Body and study, inside and outside the classroom, we can all! all! want!
But I still gave the grain of rice to the school. At least he was in school, and his homework was written fast.
It is said that primary school looks at parents, junior high school looks at school, and high school looks at children.
I asked My Rice Daddy: Can't we help but watch it?
Rice grain dad hit haha, repeatedly emphasized his contribution to the study of rice grain mathematics, it seems that there is no need to "merit to greatness" to praise him, can not be said.
Dads are always keen on "self-affirmation," while moms are always caught up in "self-doubt."
I admit that I am dedicated to the grain of rice, but "try my best", I really dare not say.
So when I see others "doing their best" or even "going all out", I still struggle inside and sometimes I am anxious.
Grandpa Rice often chanted, when he came out of the poorest Dabie Mountain, who can stare at you to study? Who can pave the way for you? "None of our rural high school teachers have ever gone to college."
But in the past two years, in Haidian, Grandpa Rice has said less and less, but he often says: Today's children are not easy.
My inner os: Is it easy for parents now?!
Assembly line factory VS private customization
Once, I asked my grandmother very solemnly: From my birth to the beginning of Xiaosheng, for so many years, how did you achieve "I stand still", so calmly, so Buddhistly parenting?
Really, before the beginning of the little ascension, I had been growing savagely.
Not to mention the beginning of the school, when I went to elementary school, my grandmother hardly cared about my studies.
I remember when I was in elementary school, because I didn't have any foundation, my writing was super slow, and I often wrote mistakes and rewrites, so I was able to get my homework until 11 o'clock every night.
To put it in the present, first of all, parents will certainly not let the child "whiteboard" into the school, if the child can not finish the homework at night, then it is necessary to analyze the reasons, solve the problem, can help the help, the supplement ah ~
My grandmother watched silently as I picked up the lights every night to stay up late to write my homework, and for nearly a year, thankfully, I finally kept up.
When I was a child, I also had classmates attending classes in outside institutions, and Haidian's needless to say, as a native of Fengtai, our "Huangzhuang of Fengtai" is "Liuli Bridge", but My grandmother has always refused my need to go to the institution for classes on the grounds of "too far from home" and "no car at home".
Recalling that year, Grandma Rice also sighed: the times are different. Raising children used to be an assembly line, and now what is, in your words, "private order", one by one.
I have to say that the rice grain grandmother can see too clearly.
When we were young, hungry to eat, thirsty to drink water, homework was written on the stone table downstairs, and the neighbors and friends went crazy until the dark days came home, and several of my colleagues said that when they were young, they went to school and school by themselves, hung a key around their necks, and sometimes breakfast was solved by their parents to give some change on the roadside.
It's unimaginable to put this in the present.
Now baby, drink a water to try countless cups, bottles, duck mouth cups, straw cups, open cups...
I also have a friend next to me who gave my baby water for six or seven years.
Of course, these things are even more incomprehensible to Grandpa Rice. Even the sense of substitution is extremely strong, and I have lost my temper when I listen to it
A few days ago, my lawyer friend Kuai mama wrote an article "Do the math, the time that baby spends every day in English, I myself am shocked!" Her family is slow, less than 5 years old, and spends 3 hours a day in English.
I told it to my colleagues and they were shocked!
Everyone bowed their heads, pinched their fingers, and counted their baby's daily English time, no more than 1 hour
But I also advise them not to be too anxious, after all, every family situation is different.
For example, fast mother's home, because of sleep problems, outdoor activity time, etc., is not too satisfied with the kindergarten, so slowly only 1-2 days a week kindergarten, socialize, of course, the premise is that grandma is very powerful, take slowly outdoors for at least 2 hours a day, and can also pick up and drop off slowly interest classes, accompany online classes, assist in reading questions...
But how many families, the elderly can help pick up and drop off is already the limit.
Colleagues parents are not in good health, in order to reduce the burden on the elderly, she reported to the child every day for the kindergarten after-school interest class, feeling that it is not important to be interested, whether you can learn something is not expected, in fact, it is to spend money to find someone to bring a baby.
Colleagues said that although she does not have children like Slow, who only attend kindergarten one or two days a week, there are full-time mothers who pick up the baby after lunch every day.
No nap at noon, outdoor activities for 2 hours, and then go to interest classes or go home to study, read, go to bed early at night, children's growth and development, eyes, learning, entertainment, social interaction are taken into account, the disadvantage is - Fei Ma.
Isn't this just like what Grandma Rice said, "privately customized" parenting?
When we were young, it was the assembly line that left the factory:
A compound, a factory area, the children all go to the same school, call it a famous school or not a famous school, anyway, it is a school at the doorstep.
The children grew up together, going to school, school, homework together, running around the compound on weekends, eating a hundred meals. During the winter and summer vacations, you can play the electric fan on the sofa, lick the snowman popsicle and watch TV, or go to the unit with your parents to write homework.
Our children, one by one:
There are those who listen to English nursery rhymes and stories every day since birth, go to the international garden at the age of two or three, and teach foreign teachers all day and night, and there are also those who start learning English from zero foundation in the third grade;
There were parents who fought in the mathematical physics competition to personally tutor the baby's Olympic number, some science and engineering professors took the baby to the university laboratory to do experiments, and some parents were difficult to cry by the second-grade math problems of primary school;
Some children have participated in various tall summer camps since childhood, read tens of thousands of volumes, can talk about the past and the present, and even fashion, philosophy, and political issues are not in question, but there are also many children who do not have time to read thousands of books, do not have the conditions to travel thousands of miles, and can only do their best to brush the problems and brush the problems again.
Some parents, with super learning ability and ability to collect information, can always find the most suitable learning resources and teaching aids for their children, help children formulate learning plans, and accompany them to the end, but there are also parents who "can't pick up work to accompany you, and can't afford to put down work to support you."
That is the reality.
So all the efforts we make to our children are actually within the scope of our own family's tolerance, away from this premise, everything is empty talk, and to break through this limitation, sometimes it takes generations of efforts.
Why I often tell everyone that "less to compare with others, more with myself, less at hardware, more at soft power", this is the truth.
Spelling children vs spelling parents
I have to say that today's children, the IQ is generally much higher than when we were young.
All the old people have said it: your son/daughter is much smarter than when you were a child.
This child, before it was born, is one circle ahead of our earth
From pre-pregnancy examination, pregnancy preparation, to the entire pregnancy period, careful, step by step, nutrition, exercise, prenatal education, nothing is left behind.
When Grandma Rice was pregnant with me, she didn't know anything about the big rows of deformities and small rows. According to her, at that time, there was only one birth check-up in Beijing during the entire pregnancy, and it was not even known when the expected date of delivery was
Talking about this, my colleague couldn't help but laugh, saying that her mother said that the reason why she was dark and fat was because she ate potatoes when she was pregnant, and she hardly ate any fruit
Now children, from birth, have their own schedule, every day to eat milk and eat complementary foods and sleep have a fixed time, timing and quantitative not to say, each meal to eat what to eat how much to record, bowel and defecation several times also to do a record, some also have to take photos. To put it mildly,
Oh yes, many children, starting with fish, eat only deep-sea cod, more than 200 yuan a small piece. (When we were young, every new year to save energy and eat fish on the last time was beautiful)
Cloth books, picture books, listening to children's songs, vocal enlightenment, big movements, fine movements... Not to mention, parent-child swimming, early education classes, various interest classes after the age of 3, sports, art, puzzles, language... On weekdays, visit museums, science and technology museums, planetariums, art galleries, today's Van Gogh exhibition, tomorrow Monet's exhibition, even feeding animals and fish will cost a lot of silver
So you say that all this money, time and energy is spent, and you hear the noise? In fact, it is not without echoes. This generation of children is generally lean and smart, double quotient, and has a strong ability to accept new things.
But which of these is not "fighting parents" in exchange?
Now the extracurricular reading materials read by six- and seven-year-old children may not be read until we are 10 years old when we are young. Not only literacy, but also cognitive ability, are quite advanced.
When I was four or five years old, I was told about the knowledge I got in various cartoons and popular science books, and I was simply stunned, thinking that rice grains were simply wenqu stars!
Later, I saw more children, and I was normal, one by one, like a small sponge, and what parents entered, they absorbed.
When we were young, it was the real "fight for children", after all, the chicken baby's family was a minority, most of them threw their children to school, even if the homework was not written, the exam counted down, and the score was secretly changed, that is, the fat beat, and then handed back to the teacher for discipline.
The school has an Olympiad class, and those who have talents and good grades are directly taken away by the teacher.
The cow dolls in our generation are the real "natural carving".
Grandma Rice said that in the past, the ratio between children was at most a ratio between children in a compound, a comparison between colleagues in a unit, and a classmate in a class.
And everyone is not bad, you are 100, she is 90, the parents are at most black and black on their own babies, and they are not at all careful.
Whether the child is good or not, see if it is learning that piece of material."
The rice grain grandmother also did not really stand up until the beginning of my little ascension. But after all the effort to carry me into a good school, she was liberated again. Because I live on campus, I still study on my own.
Now many children around us, from a young age, cattle, and comprehensive cattle, this fight is not the parents.
Whether there are extracurricular classes or not, such a family has always been "non-stop learning", and the difference is only in what and how to learn.
Certainty of the future vs. unforeseen future
Our parents' generation has suffered.
But in those days, who wasn't bitter?
For them, as long as the times are improving, the children will definitely live better than them.
Grandpa rice grains can be tossed.
From the poorest rural examination to one of the top universities in Wuhan, and then to Beijing for graduate school, working for seven or eight years, he has become a senior engineer, a master's supervisor, a director of the research office, and a leader of hundreds of people, many employees are ten years older than him and twenty years older.
When Grandpa Rice was nearly 40 years old, he caught up with the "golden decade of foreign enterprises". He seized the opportunity under pressure, threw away the iron rice bowl and jumped to a foreign company, and as a result, his monthly tax in the foreign company was higher than the previous salary...
People like Grandpa Rice, who go forward step by step on their own efforts, will never worry about the future and future of their children.
Grandpa Rice's starting line is not a zero starting point, in his words, a negative number, and even so, it still does not prevent him from going further. Moreover, children like our generation have a much higher starting point than him.
And now, what are we worried about?
Compared with our parents, our generation is a more knowledgeable generation, most of them have gone to college, some have also read master's and doctoral students, and some have gone abroad for further study.
We've met a lot of great seniors and peers.
People who work hard, even if their talent and luck are a little worse, are not bad;
But people who don't work hard, rely only on talent and luck, high and low, ups and downs, really let people see the differences in the world.
At that time, Grandpa Rice could firmly say that my future life must be better than his, but now I stand in the position of an old mother, I am afraid of the stage, and in front of the rice grain, it is the future that we all cannot predict.
There are Puwa in the family, and sometimes there is such a sense of powerlessness, and even feel that we have no choice.
The parent is the child's plug-in, you make a lot of effort, the child holds back a 5th place, you paddle, the child may fall to the 15th, 25th place.
This metaphysics of internal drive, some people tell you, don't do anything, just wait for the wind to come.
But, can you afford to wait?
There is a passage in Reading Notes: All babies are born equal, no one can speak, count, read or write, but these children are not equal when they enter kindergarten. The reason for the difference is whether their parents tried their best to nurture them or just watched them grow up.
The reality is that life is not only the kindergarten exam paper, but also the kindergarten, the primary school entrance examination, the college entrance examination... Are we really ready?
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