Text | Rice grain mom
The other day, there was a circulation on the Internet, a class of a primary school student diagnosed in The East Side, all the children attended a total of 23 extracurricular classes on weekends. There are 23 in a class, which is really no surprise, the average child is less than one.
I have seen a 6-year-old boy who can carry the "half of the country" of this class by himself, he has 11 extracurricular classes a week, it should be said, either in school, or in extracurricular classes, or on the way to extracurricular classes in school.
Old fans may know that Rice Grain learned fencing when he was a child, and then did not continue to learn, mainly into the middle and upper grades, time is limited, I discussed with him, in football and fencing between the two choices, he chose football.
Well, although the old mother is more inclined to fencing, but the class and training are rice grains, and what to choose in the end still has to be said by himself.
Some time ago, the rice grain suddenly had a whim, wanted to go to the fencing hall to play again, originally I wanted to write, but I couldn't stand his soft and hard bubbles, and finally changed his clothes and took him.
At the entrance of the fencing hall, I was like a group of old mothers waiting for the baby to leave class, looking through it. A mother next to me saw that the rice grain was the eldest child and took the initiative to come and chat with me.
Her baby was less than 7 years old, had been learning fencing for more than half a year, and asked me how long I had been studying rice grains and what after-school classes I was now taking.
Seeing a baby who is younger than a grain of rice, I will always naturally open the conversation box, I think that taking the grain of rice so big, somewhat a lesson, can be nagged with the mothers, so as not to avoid everyone taking a detour. (Like I always talk to you in the public account)
Don't know, a nagging frightened, this child actually has 11 extracurricular classes at the same time, in addition to English, the other 10 belong to non-disciplinary interest classes.
The little boy is in the first grade, belongs to the kind whose birthday is relatively small, and at the end of August, he wipes the edge of school.
Every day after school, his mother picked him up.
Basketball on Monday, Fine Arts on Tuesday, Taekwondo on Wednesday, Go on Thursday, Swimming on Friday;
There are also online English classes at home on Tuesday and Thursday nights (saying that the big class bag I bought before has not yet been completed);
Basketball lessons on Mondays, swimming lessons on Fridays, and piano lessons two days later, after dinner;
The weekends are spent two days with fencing, theatrical performances, singing and robots.
I said to myself, this is a real time management master! If the child is sick, in addition to taking leave with the school teacher, I have to ask for leave with 11 other extracurricular class teachers
In fact, some children are born energetic, like all kinds of attempts, what class wants to go, but the children around me are little girls, like this age in the class is small and small and little boys, can hold so many extracurricular classes, it is really rare.
But after talking to this mother for a while, I found that this was not the case at all
Most of the classes are to catch ducks on the shelves, and my mother directly calls "tired heart".
I asked, is there a lesson that children like to take themselves? Art, Go and robots.
So which classes do children have the most to do? Basketball, taekwondo, fencing, theatrical performances and singing.
English, swimming and piano are in the middle ground, and it's okay, but I don't like it very much.
I'm actually quite curious, the child has to take 11 classes at the same time, and half of the courses are forced by the mother, so why do you have to insist on it?
Basketball, taekwondo, fencing, drama performance, singing, and not the number of english, to take the college entrance examination, these are the icing on the cake, not to mention the real is not a big deal, not to mention the children do not like, or even reject.
The little boy's mother sighed and said, you don't know, my child has been timid since he was a child, introverted, does not like to talk, afraid of conflict with others, I also have no way, I can only create opportunities for him to exercise more.
When she said this, The rice grain mother completely understood.
Basketball, taekwondo, fencing are all confrontational sports, and his mother actually wants to make her children more "brave" and more "aggressive" through these sports.
Theatrical performance and singing belong to the open expression category, and eventually they should be displayed on the stage, so that children can open themselves and release themselves more confidently.
I have to say that this mother is really painstaking. I can understand it, but I don't agree.
Forcing the child to do things she doesn't like, or even resist, doesn't bring about the results of the "workout" she wants.
On the contrary, it wastes the time of adults and children, consumes valuable parent-child relationships, and gives children almost no chance to discover their true shining side.
The little boy's mother said: This child is particularly Buddha, never likes to fight with others, there is no competitive spirit, playing basketball mainly by picking up leaks, the chorus automatically hides behind, and the drama performance specially picks the "dragon set".
In order to exercise the child's courage and perseverance, his mother often took him to rock climbing, skiing in winter, and signed up for the Spartan Warrior Children's Race every year.
Now that the rice grain is a big child, looking back, I actually feel similar anxiety, and most of the parents around me have more or less fallen into such a misunderstanding.
Should we devote everything we can to make up for the child's shortcomings, or should we lift the child's long board with force?
That's a problem.
Each child has a different personality, different interests, and different talents, but many of us parents habitually see the shortcomings of the child, and selectively ignore the more explosive side of the child.
Tell us about our family
Rice Daddy is the kind of person who has a particularly poor body balance, even if he walks on the road, he will stumble on the road teeth
I'm not much better.
When I was a child, I learned figure skating, I really put in a lot of effort, spent a lot of time and energy to learn, I liked it so much, I think wearing skates spinning and jumping is simply too handsome.
However, other (probably far less than my efforts) children can already turn around in the air, and I can only slide and tremble backwards.
▲ My center of gravity is unstable, and every time I skate, I get blood on my feet
Not only skating, but also cycling, roller skating, skiing, which have a certain sense of balance, I have experienced countless attempts and countless defeats.
Even now, when I stand and change my pants, I have to jump around and can't stand up at all
When I was a child, I consciously exercised his sense of balance, but the gene thing is really wonderful, watching him skate scooter and ride a balance bike, I am half dead
Including the rice quarocyte measurement on the sitting body forward flexion, in fact, there is a source: my flexibility, from small to large, is negative
However, although the sense of balance and flexibility are not good, I am good at painting, and I have won many awards from childhood to adulthood, and my works have been selected to participate in various districts and cities
What am I trying to say? Talent is something that should be faced squarely or must be faced squarely, and we cannot avoid it.
Don't always think about letting the child "change his life against the sky", and it is not a matter of life and death, if the child really does not have this talent, even if he tries his best, he will pull his "short board" to the average line at most.
And you spend the same time, money, energy, to cultivate the advantage of the project, it is likely to have achieved results, even if there is no particularly proud achievement, at least the child is confident.
Like a grain of rice, while I'm not sure what he can play soccer, in other words, he's talented but not talented enough, but at least he's happy and passionate on the pitch.
If the grain of rice had been spent so many years on skating, skiing, ice hockey, and surfing, it would certainly not be famous, and all of us would be burned.
I have a good friend, when I was in elementary school, their school wanted to choose a student who blew a horn, and needed the child's lower lip to be flat and the upper lip to be figure-eight, and after looking at the mouth of the whole class, she was the most suitable for the requirements.
Taking advantage of her innate advantage, she "blew" all the way into the 101 of haidian's six small strengths, and then "blew" into Tsinghua (Peking University and Tsinghua dropped 60 points in order to grab her, and she chose Tsinghua herself)
The friend of Rice Grain Mother is also a super bully herself, and only used 8 of Tsinghua's 60 points.
A friend once told me that her teacher had asked her if she wanted to take the professional path, go to the conservatory, and join the orchestra, because she had been the concertmaster in school, won many awards, and it was completely fine to take the road of music.
She had thought about it very seriously, and she said that she was not a person who was gifted in music, and she knew very well that she had only come to such a height with her own efforts. Further up, in fact, very talented.
So she chose Tsinghua as a science and engineering major, and she said that there are still many interesting things to try in the world. Music is an important part of her life, but not the only one.
▲The National People's Congress is attached to the Small Golden Sail Wind Orchestra
I have to admire the "sobriety" of my friend, she used to eat while walking for the training of the orchestra, others were resting, she took the piano while eating burnt cakes and rushed to training, others were in class, in review, she brushed the problem between performances abroad. Junior high school gave up the Olympiad (although she was quite good at Olympiad), gave up all other possibilities...
The friend of the rice grain mother, can not say that there is no musical talent, after all, people's mouth shape is given by God, but she also sees her own limitations, her talent is capped, so she worked hard to her ceiling, enjoyed the "college entrance examination dividend" brought by the instrument, and let it go. No more entanglements.
Any child has his own strengths, and of course there will be many weaknesses.
Constantly catching up on weaknesses, our children become at best ordinary people who work hard.
But if they work on their strengths, their future possibilities are endless.
Our understanding of parenthood is limited, and what children can achieve in ten or twenty years may be a margin that we can never imagine.
Who did MiRi's mother stimulate in "Gu Ailing's Origin?" The chicken baby ceiling is really not in Haidian! It has also been written that children like Gu Ailing and Su Yiming have achieved the most dazzling champions because they grasped their talents, followed the trend, and lifted them with force.
But if when they were young, their parents only saw their shortcomings and weaknesses, and spent a lot of time to make up for their shortcomings, then there must be no Gu Ailing and Su Yiming today.
Rice mother knows that even if most of our children have strengths and advantages, they may not be enough to make them "chosen sons" in this field, but even if they achieve a little success in a small range, it is a great encouragement for children.
Children's self-confidence is really too important, and focusing on the strengths shows that we, as parents, see and recognize their strengths.
For example, the 6-year-old boy that The rice grain mother met, his favorite art, Go, and robots, the requirements for concentration are very high, in other words, this child is a child who can sit still.
You let him go to the stage and jump around, go to the court and push and shove with others, he will be very awkward himself, he will not be able to be confident.
And when his mother pushes too hard, he can also feel that he is not recognized and accepted.
In turn, spend more time with children to draw and play Go, even if they have not become painters, not become Masters of Go, at least in the process of learning, the child is actively exploring, not passive acceptance, so that he can learn more focused and more enthusiastic.
His mother said that the child was not competitive, and I didn't think so. Maybe he has no ambition on the court and on the theatrical stage, but maybe in terms of Go and robots, he has a stronger competitive spirit.
In fact, there is no difference between the child's introvert and extrovert, but many parents judge according to their own growth experience and life experience, and feel that extroverts are more likely to be seen and more popular at work.
But introverts have the advantage of introversion, which is also not available to extroverted children, we should actually maximize the advantages brought by introversion, rather than breaking introverted children into extroverts.
The reverse is also true. Many parents feel that their children are too playful and can't sit still, so they send their children to learn Go and calligraphy.
The child does not like it, every time the chair in class is like a long thorn, the concentration is not cultivated well, the class is not understood, and the time is wasted.
If the child does not like confrontational sports, they can swim, run, climb the mountain, these can also strengthen the body.
If the child can't calm down and play chess and write, he can play table tennis and fencing, which also require super concentration.
We don't have only one way to go!
As parents, our children will only gain true confidence and growth if they accept their children's weaknesses from the heart and help them grow their strengths to the point where they can fight weaknesses.
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