Hello everyone, I'm Cuckoo Mama~
Every skill needs to be passed on. Our children may know this well, so they will grind a skill to the fullest – rubbing.
Don't look at those human cubs can be cute and lovely, behind their harmless human and animal, they have all practiced a superb grinding technique.
unbelief?
Take a look at this chart:
More importantly, the "rubbing" is a mastery that is completely untouched. Children, on the other hand, are able to achieve self-taught and unified nationwide.
Even anxious parents can be rubbed by them to the point of completely losing their temper, and can only sigh silently in their hearts like the old father in the picture above: under the breath!
One: Children love to rub
Children may have the secret point - "the world of martial arts, only grinding and rubbing can not be broken". Therefore, in their lives, they will exert the grinding to the fullest.
● Write homework
For a while I lived at home, my brother gave me the "heavy responsibility" of tutoring homework. On the first day of taking over the task, I discovered the fact that the child had gone home, but his brain had not yet returned.
"What are the assignments?"
"Auntie, I told you that Ultraman will have a lot of moves, but it's great."
"Okay, I get it. Take your homework out, which subject to do first? ”
"Oh, what about my workbook?" The workbook is missing. My aunt borrowed my phone, and I asked my classmates. ”
After a long wait, he finally ended his idle time with his classmates. Then, under my gaze, I slowly took out my homework notebook.
Do you think this is time to start doing your homework? That would be naïve!
"Auntie, I'm going to sharpen my pencil." Time seems to have passed a hundred years.
"Auntie, I'll go to the bathroom first." Time seemed to have passed another hundred years.
"Auntie, I'm hungry, first eat something to pad my stomach." While holding "One Hundred Years of Solitude", I found that I was really lonely.
Seeing that I was about to have a seizure, he finally sat down on a stool, picked up the pencil he had sharpened, spread out the homework book he had been looking for for a while, and began to answer the questions.
You're finally going to breathe a sigh of relief, right now! He stopped again!
What's going on?
"Auntie, I feel itchy, you help me scratch it, this is it."
When a child does homework, he is moving everywhere, that is, the homework does not move.
● Sleep
Ever since She could speak, she had learned a new skill—sleeping and rubbing.
Everyone was lying down, and she sang in the dark, and when she finished singing, she was holding your head and shaking violently: "Mom, applause!" ”
When you're done clapping, she starts again: "Daddy, I'm thirsty and want to drink water." Dad sighed and got up to pour water.
After drinking the water: "Mom, I want to go to the toilet, hurry up and can't hold back!" Good fellow, the of the day of feelings is left before going to bed.
After tossing and turning, I finally lay down again.
"Mom, I don't want to sleep."
"Mom, why do you want to sleep?"
"Mom, tell me a story."
......
Finally quieted down. You resisted the ecstasy in your heart, slowly turned your head, but in the darkness you saw baby staring at those big sparkling eyes, smiling at you.
Oh the heavens!
In addition, children will get up and rub, go out to rub, eat and rub, dress and rub, wash their faces, brush their teeth and rub. In short, you have burned your eyebrows, and your heart is still as calm as water.
Two: Why rub it?
When a group of mothers talked about the rubbing of the baby, they were puzzled: "Why do the children have to rub it like this?" ”
Children love to rub, it can be said that they are common, why do they have such a situation?
Cognitive differences
In our cognition, efficiency is more important. For example, when we do something, we pay attention to efficiency, how to complete it quickly and efficiently. Therefore, we will have a strong sense of time, in what time period, what kind of things to complete.
In the child's cognition, curiosity is the most important.
For example, children who have just learned to walk, flowers and insects and birds on the side of the road, are definitely more attractive than the destination. Children who learn to dress, studying what to wear, is definitely more attractive than how to put it on quickly.
That's how kids are different from us. We have differences in perception of an event, and we behave differently.
Wordless protest
The child also has a kind of friction, which is actually an expression of resistance.
Imagine if, starting with opening your eyes, you would hear the "mantra" in your ears: "Get up quickly," "Get dressed," "Brush your teeth," "Eat fast," "Hurry up," "Hurry up," "Get dressed," "Get dressed," "Get dressed," "Get dressed," "Get
You want to stop and think about it, or study the places you are interested in, but there is only a constant urge in your ears: hurry up, hurry!
How would you feel at this time? Do you just want to plug your ears and automatically ignore these sounds?
The child is also like this, being urged more, he is getting slower and slower. Because he is using the method of rubbing to resist these urges. It is also telling parents with actions: "You can't decide my things." ”
It's too difficult
The child grinds, and there is a possibility that this matter is too difficult for him, he will not!
This is similar to our adult procrastination. Faced with a task we don't like or are difficult, we habitually procrastinate to delay the pain of facing it.
If the child does something (such as homework), he or she shows a cowering, gritty attitude. Chances are, he won't.
Knowing these reasons, we may be able to change our "rush" strategy and use other methods.
Three: A few tips
Children who love to rub are all "potential stocks" in their bones, and if we can use the right method, the children who rub can also be "efficient".
But if we keep urging, we will only reap full of frustration. Instead of this, it is better to change your mind and use some small tricks to change the situation.
● Change "Hurry up" to "I hope... Because..."
Words like "Eat fast" and "Do it quickly" will make people sound like commands. And what children are best at is resisting orders.
But if we change "hurry up" to "I hope... Because...", this becomes a statement and an explanation that gives the child an idea of why he is doing it.
For example, if I hurry to let The Cloth Girl get dressed, she will try to test me with a giggle, twisting left and right is not good to wear. The more I say "hurry," the more she feels amused and uncooperative.
And if I say, "I want you to get dressed, because I'm so hungry I want to get to eat quickly." ”
It was to tell her my difficulties and thoughts, to arouse her empathy to be considerate of others, and to make the decision to dress herself instead of being ordered to do it.
● Options available
This method mentioned in "Positive Discipline" really works very well.
Bu Yu does not like to wear rice clothes when eating, and always makes the down jacket dirty, and the down jacket is not easy to wash. Grandma urged every time with her rice clothes: "Hurry up and put them on, you see how dirty the clothes are." ”
Boo ignored it, occasionally irritatingly topping two sentences.
I took my coat and walked over to her and asked, "Do you want to wear it yourself, or do you want your mother to help you wear it?" ”
Bu Yu immediately smiled happily: "Mother wears it." ”
Grandma thought it was the child who kissed her mother, but in fact she didn't know that the reason why I was able to succeed was because I gave Bu Yu a choice. The focus of Bu Ni shifted from "do you want to wear rice clothes" to "I wear it myself or my mother helps to wear it".
Providing choices not only makes it easy for the child to make a decision, but he will feel that the decision is made by himself, and he has a sense of initiative.
● Tell the consequences
For example, children lie in bed and eat slowly. So what are the consequences? Is it late and criticized? Or can't catch up with the food and go hungry?
Tell your child about the natural consequences. If the child is still rubbing, then we should not intervene and let him bear the consequences.
If a child has only heard the truth, but has not practiced mistakes, how can he grow up?
● Encourage thinking
What causes many parents a headache is that their children write homework and rub it.
This, most likely, is that children will not. The homework may be too much for him, it may be too difficult, and he grinds to escape.
At this time, we encouraged him to think: "Do you think there is any way to solve this problem?" ”
Your child may complain a lot to you. Don't interrupt him, and don't deny or accuse. Listen quietly, and then throw the questions out: "So what do you think we can do?" ”
When children start thinking, they are already taking the first step towards success.
There may be a variety of reasons for a child's rubbing. Urging, not only has no effect, but will be counterproductive. This requires us as parents, more patience, the use of small skills, to resolve the child's "friction".
Does your child love to rub it?
【Picture from the Internet, invasion and deletion】
About the author: Cuckoo mom, a good observation, thinking, method of the mother. Exchange parenting experience, share psychological knowledge, like to pay attention to it~