Hello everyone, I'm Cuckoo Mom ~~
Take Bu Ni to play in the playground, and halfway through playing, she said she was going to go to the toilet. We walked to the door of the toilet and found several children in front of us queuing. So, Bu Ni and I honestly stood at the back of the line.
At this time, a mother rushed over with a little girl, and without saying a word, she was crowded in the front.
Bu Ni saw this scene, looked up and asked me, Mom, why don't they line up?
Yeah, everyone follows the rules, so why don't they line up?
I think this scene is not unfamiliar to everyone. It's just, when the child asks, why doesn't that person follow the rules, how do we answer?
Before continuing on this topic, I would like to talk to you about the "sense of order" first.
One: About the "sense of order"
Children before the age of 6 will experience a "sensitive period of order" and are divided into 3 stages:
Stage 1: 1-2 years old, crying because of the disruption of order.
For example, there was a pot of flowers on the coffee table, but one day you felt that it was better to move somewhere, so you moved the flowers away. When the child saw it, he cried incessantly until you put the flowers back on again, and he stopped.
Stage 2: 2-4 years old, to maintain order, say "no" out loud.
Your child's brushing cup has always been the outward side of the image, but once you casually placed his cup on the washstand with the image facing inward. After the child sees it, points out and says, Mom, you misplaced, the image of the cup is facing outward.
The third stage: 4-6 years old, begin to maintain order, require everyone to follow the rules, and internalize the rules into a kind of morality.
A group of children played with the slide, and everyone slid down one by one in an orderly manner. But suddenly there was a child who did not follow the rules and blocked the entrance to prevent others from entering. At this time, the children will criticize him one after another, saying that it is wrong for you to do this, and you should let everyone play together.
Why does the child go through such a period and what kind of impact will it have on him?
Two: A sense of order will become part of a child's personality
Montessori mentioned in the book "The Secret of Childhood" that when a child develops a sense of order, it is also the time when his character and character are formed.
When a child develops a sense of order, he begins to have a distinction between "right" and "wrong". Because in his view, behavior that conforms to order is good, and behavior that breaks order is bad.
When the child has a sense of order in his heart and is willing to observe and maintain order, he will internalize this sense of order as part of his personality.
For example, after going to school, he does not throw away his school bag and textbooks, but packs them neatly. When needed, items can be quickly found.
For example, he knows how to cherish his belongings and not destroy them at will. For maintaining an object as it is is the need of his heart to follow order.
● He will also store the knowledge he has learned in his mind in different categories, rather than cramming it into a disorderly way. When it comes to a point of knowledge, he can learn from each other, build his own knowledge system, and build a "library" mind.
● Especially when he grows up, he can clearly distinguish the priorities and priorities, prioritize the pile of things in front of him, and improve the efficiency of work.
This is the benefit of the "order sensitive period". It makes a child's life regular, orderly, and well organized.
When parents take their children to race against the clock to cut in line and run red lights, it seems to be "taking advantage", but in fact, it is destroying the child's inner sense of order bit by bit, making him chaotic in both behavior and psychology.
When you learn this, I think you will no longer take your children to join the queue because you are angry. After all, you can't punish your own children for the mistakes of others.
Three: Correctly guide children to think
When we all abide by the rules, but someone breaks the rules, the child will inevitably be confused, why should he disturb the order?
At this time, we can guide children to think about this problem from the following aspects.
Why did that guy cut in line?
We can let the child carefully observe, why does the person not follow the order, have to cut in line? For example, everyone is waiting at the door of the toilet, but some people are crowded in the front.
Through observation, the child will come to his own conclusions: he is really anxious and has to do this; he just does not want to follow the rules, he just wants to make himself happy.
Is this the right thing to do?
When the child begins to think, we can let him make a judgment in his own heart: is such behavior right or wrong?
If things are urgent and unavoidable, then it is acceptable. But if it's purely for yourself, it's wrong.
When letting children judge right and wrong, in fact, let him make choices and form his own values. It is from this little thing that children cultivate their own judgment ability, as well as develop their character and character.
When the balance in his heart is habitually biased toward the "right" side, then when he stands at the crossroads of life in the future, he knows what choices to make and what kind of life to live.
What do you do when you have to?
Sometimes, the situation can be really urgent. For example, hurry up, otherwise the only car will leave. For example, if you really want to go to the toilet, you can't wait. What would you do then?
Ask questions to make the child think about what to do when he is also faced with such a situation.
This can improve your child's emotional intelligence and social skills. Let him think differently, look at things differently, and come up with the right way to deal with it.
What happens if you break the rules at will?
What would be the consequences if you just wanted to be happy for yourself, didn't think about others, and broke the rules at will?
Children may find answers by observing. For example, cutting in line will cause everyone's dissatisfaction and will be blamed. It can also create conflict and get yourself into trouble.
At this time, we can rise to the level of life safety and tell children that breaking the rules may bring consequences.
For example, in order to save time, run a red light or cross the road. Another example is not to turn off the gas, feel free to play with fire. What are the consequences of such an act?
Such questions and thinking can allow children to see the essence of things through superficial phenomena, not to be confused by short-term interests in the immediate future, and to develop long-term vision.
Affirm the child's choice
When the child makes the right choice, we must not forget to affirm him in time.
You can make the right judgment and make the right choice, and Mom is proud of you. And mom believes that no matter what situation you encounter in the future, you can stick to your judgment and make the right choice.
In this world, everyone's choice is different, and we can't change ourselves because of others. Because then we gain very little and lose a lot.
Insisting on the right choice is to be responsible for yourself.
So, when a child asks you why that person can cut in line, your answer may really affect the pattern of your child's life.
Have you ever been cut in line?
【Picture from the Internet, invasion and deletion】
About the author: Cuckoo mom, a good observation, thinking, method of the mother. Focus on children's psychology, read children's easy parenting, like to pay attention to it~