What are the consequences of "the female eldest does not avoid the father"? You wouldn't even think that the two age groups should pay special attention

Hello everyone, I'm Cuckoo.

When Buu was a year old, once I helped her take a bath, and I was in a mess, so I asked Bao Dad to come and help.

My sister happened to be passing by, and she was a little surprised, and then said slightly reproachfully, why don't you call me?

Now it's my turn to be surprised, Dad helped the child bathe, nothing wrong, right? I didn't expect my sister to say that the female eldest should avoid her father, don't you know?

I cried and laughed, of course, the female eldest should avoid her father, but Bu Yu is only one year old, which avoids her father, is it too early?

We all say that "children avoid mothers, and women avoid fathers", why should children avoid being too close to their parents when they grow up? And how big is this "growing up"?

1: "Oedipal Complex"

Psychologist Freud came up with a word— the Oedipus complex. It refers to the son's dependence and attachment to the mother, that is, the "Oedipus complex".

This phenomenon generally occurs around the age of 5 or 6. At this time, the little boy fantasized about marrying his mother when he grew up.

This childhood fantasy, both happy to be with mom, and anxious at the same time – married to mom, what does dad do?

However, if the parents are properly guided, the child will pass this period smoothly and will no longer be bothered by this problem.

Similarly, girls in childhood, there will also be a complex - the Ariequra complex. This is the corresponding "Oedipus complex".

I see a lot of mothers on the Internet posting their daily lives, and some of their daughters behave as pro-dads against moms. There are delicious foods that they share with their fathers for the first time, and when the mother is angry with the father, the daughter is also in the front to defend the father.

This situation makes many mothers both helpless and distressed. He brought a large small cotton jacket in one hand, and only warmed his father.

Sons are attached to their mothers, and daughters are attached to their fathers, which is a normal phenomenon that children will appear in the process of growing up. However, if the child is not properly educated, this "complex" may last until the child grows up and affects his personality and future life.

Second: "The female eldest does not avoid the father", the consequences you can not imagine

In fact, when the daughter is older, she is too close to her father, and this kind of thing is really quite a lot. Before that, there was not a celebrity father who played a selfie with his twenty-something daughter mouth-to-mouth "kissing".

Cuckoo's mother felt that her daughters had grown into adulthood, and the kissing of the cheeks between father and daughter was acceptable, but mouth-to-mouth kissing was really unacceptable.

The female eldest does not avoid the father, and the impact on the daughter may not be able to imagine.

Influences the daughter's view of mate selection

The documentary "The Biological Significance of Fathers" has spent 50 years tracking 11,000 children and exploring the significance of fatherhood to children. It was found that girls' tastes for men were largely influenced by their father's personality.

When an adolescent girl was interviewed, she said bluntly that the boy she admired was a funny, humorous, pistachio-like person like her father.

The father's character, personality and way of doing things directly affect the daughter's judgment of the opposite sex, and will also affect her future view of mate choice and marriage and love.

If the father treats the daughter, long-term intimacy has no boundaries, then it is difficult for the daughter to get rid of the paternal complex, and unconsciously projects the attachment to the father to the opposite sex. In marriage, it is difficult for girls to distinguish between love and affection, resulting in wrong cognition.

There is no sense of boundaries

Around the age of one year, the child develops a "self" and realizes that he is an individual independent of the outside world. It was at this time that he and his parents were gradually moving towards "separation."

However, many parents are psychologically unacceptable and do not want to be separated from their children, so they have a certain "separation anxiety". They will still have intimate behaviors with their children to determine intimacy.

However, the father is also "of the opposite sex" for the daughter, a "nother person" who exists independently of himself. If the daughter still does not avoid her father when she grows up, it will break the child's sense of boundaries.

When someone else crosses the line with body or language, she thinks that this is normal, thus reducing her defensiveness.

There is no clear distinction between love and hurt

Everyone has a sense of self-protection, and when they encounter aggression from others, they will subconsciously take precautions. But if a child lacks a sense of boundaries, she will not be able to distinguish between love and hurt.

There was a girl next to me, who was in junior high school, who often played with a group of boys, and usually did not shy away from physical contact. It wasn't until a teacher found out she was being bullied by a senior boy that she realized that she was being hurt.

The teacher asked her, why not refuse and ask for help?

The girl replied that she thought it was normal. Because at home, Dad often frolicked with her bare-chested like this.

When a girl has no sense of boundaries, she can't tell the difference between love and hurt. Do not know how to stop in time when others cross the line.

Three: There are two stages, which need special attention

In the process of growing up, there will be 2 stages, especially the attention of parents. Because in these two stages, it is the time to cultivate the daughter's cognition of the opposite sex and establish a sense of boundaries.

The first stage: after the age of 3

Before the age of 3, the child is affected by brain development, and he may not have much memory. But after the age of 3, the child's development tends to mature in all aspects, and he begins to remember. At this time, the impressive things he may still remember decades later.

Therefore, at this stage, the father must have a certain "avoidance of privacy" psychology in front of his daughter. For example, no longer change clothes in front of your daughter, pay attention to what you wear, and so on.

Around the age of 5, the child will enter the "gender sensitive period", he will know that there are "boys" and "girls". At this time, parents can teach their children gender, tell them the differences between boys and girls, and teach children to protect their privacy and not let others touch them.

The father no longer changes his daughter's clothes and bathes, and pays attention to proportions when playing, helping his daughter to establish a sense of boundaries. In this way, the daughter will understand where her boundary with the opposite sex is and how to protect herself.

During the child's 3-6 years old, parents can consciously cultivate the habit of sleeping independently, and complete the bed-splitting before the age of 6, "inviting" them out of their bedroom. This not only protects the privacy of parents, but also protects the healthy growth of children.

The second stage: puberty

After a child enters puberty, not only will the body change, but the psychological state will also change greatly.

At this stage, girls will be curious about the opposite sex and will have a hazy liking. As the closest person of the opposite sex around his daughter, the father should maintain an appropriate distance from his daughter at this time.

The adolescent child is psychologically in a state of "semi-maturity", and he feels that he is already a small adult and does not want to be bound by his parents.

Therefore, what parents have to do is to withdraw appropriately, respect the child's ideas and wishes, and protect his privacy.

Fathers can talk to their daughters about the precautions of interacting with friends of the opposite sex, and they can also share with her what qualities men should have to be admired.

In the daughter's growth path, the father is both a friend and a role model. Fathers largely influence their daughters' perceptions and preferences of the opposite sex. Fathers can give their daughters shoulders when needed, and when necessary, they must also know how to withdraw decently.

In this way, the daughter can thrive under the watering of her father's love.

【Picture from the Internet, invasion and deletion】

About the author: Cuckoo mom, a good observation, thinking, method of the mother. Focus on children's psychology, read children's easy parenting, like to pay attention to it~