Hello everyone, I'm Cuckoo Mama~
Cuckoo's mother was born in a large family, so after Bu Ni was born, she had several older brothers and sisters in front of her. And these children grow up fast, and there are naturally more clothes that they can't wear.
There are many of them are quite new, and the old man feels that it is a pity to throw it away, so he puts it away and says that it is left for the children behind to wear. And this "child behind" is Bu Ni.
Cuckoo's mother is also a very frugal person, looking at those clothes although they are "old clothes", but they are actually not bad, they all accepted for Bu You.
Fortunately, Bu Yu's baby has a big heart, and she jumps up and down every day in the clothes of her brother and sister, and she doesn't care.
2, 3-year-old baby, love to make a fuss, a word on the ground to throw and roll. She tossed and turned in old clothes, I didn't feel bad, and I saved a lot of money, killing two birds with one stone.
However, as Bu Ni grew older, especially after kindergarten, I stopped wearing other people's old clothes for her.
Psychology believes that if material conditions permit, never give your child old clothes.
Although "forever" is debatable, after the child reaches the age of 3 or 4, if the conditions are not too difficult, Cuckoo's mother also recommends not to wear other people's old clothes for the child. There are three reasons for this:
One: the temperament that affects a lifetime
The book "Capturing Children's Sensitive Period" points out that children will enter the "aesthetic sensitive period" when they are about 4 years old.
Children in this period are particularly fond of beauty, especially girls.
When my niece was 4 years old, she liked to rummage through my makeup bag a lot. And, every time I put on makeup, she would definitely look at it carefully.
Once she asked me, "Aunt, can I put on makeup?" ”
I couldn't bear to refuse the little girl's request, so I agreed. Unexpectedly, she also looked in the mirror and drew her eyebrows, smeared blush, and put on lipstick. After putting on makeup, she also put on her princess headdress and put on her mother's high heels.
When she was dressed, she asked, "Am I pretty?" "It made everyone laugh."
The author of the book believes: "The aesthetics of childhood lay the foundation for a person's aesthetic tendencies and quality of life throughout life, and determine a person's temperament after adulthood." ”
Some girls, you see she wears casually, dozens of yuan of clothes can wear thousands of yuan of temperament. And some people, even if the whole body is a brand, but it feels untemperature.
In fact, this is determined by a person's judgment of aesthetics from childhood to adulthood.
And the child to develop aesthetic sensitivity period, not only to buy him "good-looking" clothes, but also
Also buy clothes that "he thinks looks good."
Sometimes we think old clothes look good, but children don't necessarily like them. If the child is always dressed in the old clothes worn by others, he will not have the opportunity to choose "beauty", and it will be difficult to develop the ability of "aesthetic".
If you want your child to develop a sensitive period of aesthetics, we will not let your child wear old clothes.
He also needs to be given the opportunity to choose.
Families with conditions, when taking their children to buy clothes, shoes and socks, can let them pick them himself.
If you feel that the clothes your child picks are not cost-effective, or beyond the scope of affordability, then in the existing clothes, try to respect the child's opinions -
Let him choose the clothes or combinations he wants to wear, rather than forcing him which one he must wear.
Two: Produce a sense of helplessness
Psychology has a term called "sense of control", which refers to a person who believes in his own choices, judgments, and believes that his actions are consistent with the corresponding results.
If a person's "sense of control" is not strong, there will be a state of "helplessness" - feeling that they do not have the ability to control and change the current state and situation.
The child's long-term wearing of other people's old clothes will not only affect the development of his "aesthetic sensitivity period", but also affect the development of his "sense of control".
Because I have been passively accepting, I can't choose the style I like, and my child will have it
"You can't decide for yourself"
The feeling. This feeling is not only reflected in the aspect of dressing, but also in all aspects of life.
Over time, he would "learn to be helpless" – I didn't know what to do.
In fact, not wearing other people's old clothes has nothing to do with the family's wealth or poverty, but is just a concept of parents. But it may be this small "frugal" behavior that brings many subtle psychological changes to children.
Some children grow up lacking in assertiveness and independence, relying on others to make decisions.
This "sense of helplessness" is not the child's innate personality, but most likely, it is caused by his failure to develop a "sense of control" in childhood.
Three: Not confident
Why doesn't Cuckoo suggest that children wear other people's old clothes after the age of 3?
Because of this period, the child is almost in kindergarten.
Before Bu Ni was 3 years old, I didn't care much about her image, let her play, release her nature, and it didn't matter if her clothes were dirty. But after entering the kindergarten, you can't wear dirty clothes every day.
Because after the age of 3, the child's self-awareness has developed to a certain extent, he began to care about other people's opinions and evaluations, especially in interpersonal relationships.
At this stage, the child's self-worth begins to sprout, and he will gradually develop self-confidence.
A child, if he wears other people's old clothes for a long time, but sees that the clothes worn by his companions are all beautiful and shiny, he will inevitably have a gap in his heart.
Coupled with the child's fairy tales, one or two unconscious words may bring great harm to the baby.
In such a comparison, the child's self-confidence will be affected.
People who do not have a strong sense of self-worth, corresponding to it, are developing inferiority.
Children with low self-esteem, when they grow up, usually have two manifestations:
"Show off"
You see those who show off in a high profile when they have nothing to do, which is actually a manifestation of inferiority. It is precisely because the more you lack something, the more you have to show off what you have.
"Jealousy"
If showing off is showing off what you have, then jealousy is not being able to see or even destroy what others have. Such children, when they grow up, will often be distressed by things that have nothing to do with themselves, and the happiness index is not high.
Therefore, if family conditions permit, Cuckoo mom still advises parents not to wear other people's old clothes for their children.
When there is no shortage of material conditions, but it is still in a state of "being given charity" for a long time, it is inevitable that the child's psychology will be unbalanced.
Of course, Cuckoo is not saying that you can't wear other people's old clothes at all.
After all, when I was a child, I was also a child who grew up wearing my brothers and sisters and other people's clothes.
If the conditions do not allow it, then it is generously accepted. But we also want to tell our children:
"This is only temporary, and a person's value does not come from what you wear on the outside, but from what you wear inside." What kind of person you think you are, what kind of person you can be. That's all that matters! ”
【Picture from the Internet, invasion and deletion】
About the Author:
Cuckoo's mother, a good observation, thinking, and methodical mother. Exchange parenting experience, share psychological knowledge, like to pay attention to it~
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