Teacher Zhou's video number is updated
Theme: How to improve the ability to deal with the world
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Q: At the urging of my parents and through the introduction of people, I met a girl who looked average, but was very good to me, and I was very touched by many things. Later she became my girlfriend, but over time, I found that I only had gratitude for her, not love, and I was also a little tired. During this time I met another girl, I liked her, she liked me, I had a relationship with her, but I couldn't bear to tell the first girl, afraid that she would be sad. Am I a scumbag and what should I do?
Zhou Guoping: Like many love affairs in the world, love does not have to be successful once. Everything is tested, and mistakes are allowed, but love does not allow experimentation and error. Your feelings for the former girl (let's call it A) are not up to the level of love, and after falling in love with the latter girl (B), you are clearly aware of this, which is a normal process of emotional identification. You don't know you don't love A, but you just want to use her feelings for you to play with her, and if that's the case, you're serious. However, now that you and B are in love and have a relationship, you must not continue your relationship with A. You don't have to tell her about your new relationship with B, it will hurt even more, but you should be open and honest with her about the true nature of your feelings for her and break up as rationally as possible. To do this as early as possible, the sooner the better, which is both responsible for her and for B.
Q: You say that you should not covet temporary pleasure and sow pain in later life, but what about love? Love can also bring such a result, such as lost love, so should we insist on love?
Zhou Guoping: I mean not to do things that violate morality and the law, and to lay the foundation for yourself to be punished later. Love is another matter. In the big picture, life must have happiness and pain, which is normal, if you have a good mindset, you will find that happiness and pain are your wealth. I also fell out of love, it was very painful at the time, and then I felt that there was nothing wrong, and it was also an experience of life. When a person is out of love, he can especially feel the value of the self, and I want to fight for anger, to do better, and make you regret it.
Q: Some people think that love is unrequited, and there is a proverb that says, "To love because of love is God, and to love because to be loved is to be a man." "What do you think?" Isn't it jealousy, not demanding, and total giving that is called true love?
Zhou Guoping: This standard is too high. Man is man after all, not God. I believe that no matter who it is, no matter how obsessive or noble he or she is, if his love is not rewarded for a long time and is never loved, his love will not last.
Hello Teacher Zhou, why are you very happy when you are in love, but after you get married, it becomes different, what do you think is the difficulty of marriage?
Zhou Guoping: The relationship between the sexes contains three factors, one is sex, one is love, and the other is marriage. Sex pursues happiness, love pursues ideals, and marriage talks about reality, and these three things are bound to conflict. The difficulty of marriage is to unify these three different things, which is of course too difficult.
Marriage was originally a social system, its main function, from a historical point of view, one is the economy, the early period was as a unit of production, and later including now at least as a unit of consumption, a family to live well, how much income, how to spend, different family living standards are high and low. The other is the unit of production and education of the later generation, passing on the generations, mainly these two functions. But now we have to add the function of sex in addition to these two functions, and the happiness of sex is mainly solved within the marriage, and the function of love is also added, which is ideal. Some people have said that this is not too demanding on marriage, and the load of marriage is too heavy.
I think that there are many problems in marriage, and the biggest conflict is because of the requirements of love, if you don't talk about love, marriage will be very strong. For example, if the marriage is based on traditional ethics and morality, divorce is not allowed at all, and once two people are married, it is a lifelong thing, the so-called lifelong event, if so, the marriage will of course be very stable. If it is based on interests, such as in feudal society for political interests, political marriage between the royal family, or now some people are united because of economic interests, two people together to run a large company, it is difficult to separate, marriage will be more stable.
But, as soon as we talk about love, the contradiction comes, and if we ask that marriage be based on love, then it is clear that this is the truth: if love is gone, marriage should disintegrate. Love itself is a changeable thing, it is not as stable as interests, not as stable as ethics and morality, it is a changeable thing. So love changes, if you still want to emphasize that marriage is based on love, then you have no love, as long as one of the two people has transferred love, or love has disappeared, then the marriage should naturally be dissolved, according to the reason. So, the more you emphasize that love is the foundation of marriage, the more unstable the marriage actually becomes.
Q: Hello Teacher Zhou, the greatest meaning of our life should be to please and bear ourselves, right? But I often feel the shallowness of feelings and the difficulty of feeling warm, is this the contradiction between beauty and reality? Or are you not mature and open-minded enough?
Zhou Guoping: In fact, you are talking about the relationship between a person's self-love and the love between people, which is such a problem, and many philosophers have talked about this problem, including Nietzsche, including Aristotle in ancient Greece, who has talked about this problem, that is, a person should love others, have a good friendship or love, and its premise is that he must love himself. What is the significance of this?
In fact, it is to say that a person who does not love himself, he is tired of himself, such a person actually has a grudge against life, then such a person he can not really love others, he goes to others, may feel that kind of diaphragm, or even a kind of friction, so I think loving yourself is indeed a premise, but you only have this one, just self-love, but with others and people's warmth, in fact, you should not say that others give you warmth, I think this is a mutual thing, But the person who really loves himself and loves life should be able to make people feel the warmth of your humanity, so I think these two points (loving yourself and loving others) should be complementary and unified.
So the best person is like this, he has a source of happiness in himself, and this source can also be shared by others, if everyone is such a person, everyone loves themselves, they are very happy, and at the same time they can let others share this happiness of his, I think the world is very beautiful.
How to live your life the way you like
If you don't know what you want, don't know what you should do, read those good books, communicate with those great souls and the wisdom of the sages, and give yourself a good foundation to cultivate your own concentration in the world.
Teacher Zhou specially invited famous artists, in the 5 classics, taste life together, grow themselves, scan the above picture QR code, you can listen ~ ~
Today's good book recommendation
"Casual Love"
Today, I would like to recommend to you a copy of the most important work of Li Yu, a great talent of the Qing Dynasty- "Idle Love And Occasional Mail"
The book has been hailed as a "guide to the art of Chinese living".
It encompasses every aspect of our lives and teaches us how to live a dull life with fun and taste. How to make your life more fulfilling.
His requirements for life are very high, but this requirement is not based on material, but on culture, cultivation, and taste.
For example, in terms of diet, he said that "meat is not as good as meat, and meat is not as good as vegetables." This is the exact opposite of how many of us are fed for the sake of appetite. He talks about diet in the way of nature, and his heavy vegetable food, reverence for frugality, shangzhen taste, the lord is light, avoid greasy, and the proposition of cleanliness and beauty has also become an important part of Chinese health culture.
In fact, Li Yu's life is very busy, and he is not rich. He spent most of his life writing scripts, leading drama teams, and supporting his family, but he was always able to live a simple and exquisite life.
After reading this book, you will know that there is no boring life in this world, only boring people.
Even in the most prosaic life, we have ways to have fun.