Does divorce hurt the children? Most of the answers are yes, so many couples will live together even if they are miserable, they will live together for their children.
Chen Jiajia and Jin Jiajun in the hit drama "Xiao MinJia" are children of divorced families, but their personalities are very different, the girl is optimistic and cheerful, and the boy is less reticent and almost depressed.
They have the same family situation, and the key to the difference between the two children lies in the parents, not simply the children themselves.
Whether parental divorce will have a bad impact on children is focused on whether parents can properly handle these delicate relationships, especially with children.
Chen Jiajia
Chen Jiajia's parents divorced when she was 7 years old, and at first she lived with her mother, because she could not stand her mother's personality, she turned around and lived with her father, and the custody later fell into the hands of her father.
Although Chen Zhuo and Li Ping divorced, they did not turn against each other, and they did not turn their faces because of the struggle for custody, everything was based on the child's feelings and choices, and when the two communicated, they were still like relatives, but there was no longer emotional involvement.
Li Ping has money to remarry and can provide her daughter with better material life and educational conditions, Chen Zhuo is optimistic, always able to adjust the atmosphere to make Jiajia happy, and do what she likes.
What you want to buy is not bad money, what you want to do is supported, even her stepfather helps her party on her birthday, she has her own intelligence, and there are natural opportunities to study, such conditions are not possible for many complete families.
Kim Ka Joon
Jin Jiajun is different, his father is a gambling scumbag, and his mother is a sensitive and introverted woman who has been living in the shadow of his youth, he does not have a good family situation, and he will run away from home in order to go to a cram school to be able to rely on his mother.
Liu Xiaomin loves her son, but also feels indebted to her son, and what is revealed between them is embarrassment and trembling, situation and personality, which also lead to Jin Jiajun's inferiority.
Chen Jiajia asked Jin Jiajun who he was with after the divorce, and the boy was first silent, and then said: "I don't follow anyone, I wander." ”
A seemingly light joke, but in fact it truly describes Kim's inner world, a self-deprecating attitude of grievance, dazedness, helplessness, resentment and helplessness.
Xiao Min and her ex-husband Jin Bo did not break up peacefully, experienced the custody battle for the court, and witnessed many people humiliating their mothers, without the love of their mothers since childhood, and without the company of a qualified father. Even if he is chased and beaten by his friends, no one takes care of himself, and the only thing Jin Jiajun can rely on is his grandmother, ensuring that she grows up healthy and fed.
Jin Jiajun even in the choice of clothes will first look at the price, feel too expensive will say that they do not like, that understanding is not so much to understand the family economic state, but rather, he knows that his position at home is insignificant, from the beginning he thought he was abandoned baggage, so he did not dare to have any of his own excessive requirements, nor did he dare to express his feelings.
Chen Jiajia went to the Nengcheng study class because she was forced by her mother to go to the place where she had to mix her life. And Kim Ka-joon needs to rely on his family to put down his self-esteem to get this opportunity.
Therefore, it is not that the divorce of two children is necessarily harmful to the children, but it is necessary to distinguish the differences in the impact on the children by the way they get along with the children and their actual life ability.
Chen Zhuo is not a qualified husband in the heart of his ex-wife, but he is a quality father in the daughter's world
It is impossible for divorce to have no impact on children at all, but holding a crippled marriage relationship may not necessarily be the best way to love and protect children, Li Ping's economic ability may not be rare, and it is difficult to achieve by learning, and the model of Jiajia's father Chen Zhuo as a father is actually what many parents should learn.
Hope that the child will become a dragon and the girl will become a phoenix, but the key is to understand what the child's mood and needs are.
Properly handle the relationship between the ex-husband (wife) after divorce
In the end of divorce, there must be really a reason why you can't go on, you can't get over it, and since you have made a choice, then there is really no need to use the child as a chip to retaliate against the other party, or keep blowing the wind in the child's ear and telling him how bad the mother (father) is. That can only exacerbate the pain and burden in the child's heart, and cannot change the real problems of his own grievances and frustration in life.
For divorced couples, it is difficult to want to die without contact with each other, after all, there are children involved, in the case of possibility, with the least frequency of contact, polite communication, live their own life, is the way to be responsible for themselves and their children. Just like Jiajia, although she does not have a complete and sound family, she never lacks love and attention to herself.
On the contrary, like Xiaomin and her ex-husband Jin Bo getting along, such a self-sacrificing and forbearing mode of communication can only make children more depressed.
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Text/Relief Emotional Station
(Author: Xiao Yu, psychological counselor, focusing on the emotional field), good at the restoration of romantic relationships, marital contradictions and differences, and the healing of psychological trauma caused by the original ecological family. The lonely journey of life, listening to your grievances and pressures, helping visitors improve their skills in getting along with the sexes, saving their lovers, managing their feelings, and striving to become happier people.