The character of the child is hidden in the parenting of the parents. Giving children a relaxed and loving family atmosphere is more important than anything else.
- Mother Deer
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Author | Tomato Mom
Source | Daughter Pie Original (ID: nverpai)
Some time ago, I watched the TV series "Xiao Min's Family", and the fate of the two children in the play made me think a lot.
One is Jin Jiajun and the other is Chen Jiajia.
The two children have a common experience, that is, their parents divorced early and then formed a family.
The difference is that after the divorce, the mother rarely gave Jin Jiajun love, and the father was a scoundrel, who only knew how to ask for him.
Although Chen Jiajia's parents are also divorced, she has never lacked the love of her parents, especially her mother, who has given great satisfaction from material to emotional.
This has led to the two children have a completely different personality, Although Jin Jiajun is tall and handsome and has excellent achievements, he is introverted and sensitive and inferior;
And Chen Jiajia is lively and cheerful, and the whole person is like a small sun, infecting and warming the people around her.
In fact, in addition to the difference in innate temperament, the fundamental reason why the personalities of the two children are very different is actually the family environment of the day after tomorrow.
Professor Li Meijin once said: "Self-confidence is the foundation of a person's success, and children must understand that I am born to be useful." ”
What kind of family can accompany a confident and cheerful child?
After reading the following set of "family secret photos", you may suddenly be enlightened.
Nourish the child's family with love
A few days ago, the video of a 4-year-old boy named Sen Sen in Henan helping his mother make dumplings touched countless people.
Unlike other children, Sensen lost the finger of his left hand from birth.
Fortunately for the unfortunate, Sensen met a pair of very loving parents.
In order to let the child grow up with peace of mind, the mother deliberately made up a white lie:
When your mother was pregnant with you, she met a dinosaur in her stomach, and in order to protect your mother, you injured your hand when you fought with the dinosaur, and it became like this.
As Mom tv said in the video:
"Only when you grow up in a loving family environment can you feel love all the time, and children can better accept their shortcomings."
Only when the parents are strong, the children will be strong, and they can better lead their children forward. ”
Today's Sensen, nourished by the love of his parents, is not only lively, smiling and cheerful, but also skillfully peels oranges, makes dumplings, and wears clothes.
I once read a sentence:
Suffering is not terrible, there is no need to be sad when frustrated, as long as there is love and encouragement and companionship, you can certainly cross the gulf in life.
Every child whose heart is full of sunshine is inseparable from the support of parental love.
In this way, they will always have the courage to go forward in the ditches and bumps of life.
Families with children are often encouraged
In the "Teenager Says" program, there is an episode that is very moving.
A little girl was born with a lack of oxygen, and the doctor said that her IQ was only 36, but her mother insisted on giving birth to her.
In order for her daughter to grow up healthily, her mother also deliberately went to learn "Child Psychology" to encourage her daughter to progress along the way.
With the company and encouragement of her mother, the girl went from being unremarkable in the class in the first grade to entering the top three in the sixth grade.
At the same time, she also became more and more confident from a little girl with low self-esteem, winning the championship of the Wuxi English Style Competition in one fell swoop, and also became the class leader and captain.
She stood on the high platform and confessed affectionately to her mother:
"It is your encouragement that allows me to constantly challenge myself, surpass myself, and move forward, I am the miracle you have created."
A student of Japanese educator Shinichi Suzuki wrote in the article:
"I want all parents to know that giving their children a little more encouragement will not breed children's pride, but give children a healthy and confident psychology."
Yes, the encouragement of parents is like a warm but powerful stream of water slowly injected into the child's heart, giving the child infinite spiritual strength.
Every child's eyes are born with light, and learning to encourage children is to take good care of the glimmer in the eyes of children and let it burn into a brilliant flame.
Families with emotionally gentle parents
Psychologists have done research on what kind of children irritable parents will raise, and several of them are like this:
Especially afraid of disappointing others, always want to take care of everyone, ignore their own feelings, always please others, insecure, easy to glass heart.....
That is to say, the irritability of parents will directly affect the growth of children and make him a child with low self-esteem.
A few days ago, I revisited the Korean drama "Blue Life and Death Love" and found that it just verified this point.
Because the name tag was wrong, the two families hugged the wrong daughter, and since then the two little girls have experienced a dislocated life for 13 years.
In these two families, one of the parents is calm and gentle, so the girl's face is full of confidence and very cheerful.
The other is a single-parent family, the mother's emotions have always been unstable, the little things will argue with the daughter, the girl becomes fragile, sensitive, and usually cautious.
From the life experience of the two little girls, it can be intuitively seen that the emotions of parents have a great impact on children.
Parenting experts have said that the most important thing about all children in their hearts is the emotions of their parents.
The milder the parent's mood, the more confidently the child can express his thoughts and desires, feel safe inside, and smile with positivity and upliftment.
Emotionally stable parents are the armor of a child's life.
Families who accept children unconditionally
See a particularly warm mother-child conversation:
Video source: Guo Guo's mother
A 4 or 5-year-old boy, on the way to buy roasted sweet potatoes with his mother, raised his childish little face and asked:
Mom, what if I am admitted to Tsinghua University in the future? - Then your mother will be very proud of you;
So what about me being admitted to Peking University? - will also be very proud;
What about the sweet potatoes I bake? If you roast sweet potatoes to be fragrant, soft, sweet and delicious, I think it is okay and I will be proud of you.
After that, I'll be a roasted sweet potato boss — okay, congratulations to Xu Guoguo for having a new wish.
In the conversation with his mother, the little boy was bouncing, full of smiles, and his shining eyes were full of hope for the future.
As parents, they all want to raise a child who is vigorous, has light in his eyes, and can be brave enough to be his own.
However, in this era of anxiety about raising children, many parents have high requirements and expectations for their children, which makes the children's bright and pure eyes dust.
The famous psychologist Rogers once said: Love is a deep understanding and acceptance.
Accept his inadequacies, allow his vulnerability, and try to fulfill his every little dream.
Only when parents unconditionally love and accept their children can children become brighter on the road of enriching themselves, without fear of wind and waves.
Respect the child's family
Last year, after the exposure of Tsinghua University's all-English promotional video, the male protagonist Chen Yixian circled countless fans.
Chen Yixian on the podium is confident, calm and generous, speaking fluent English.
Behind his self-confidence and excellence, he cannot do without the respect and support of his parents.
Chen Yixian's father said: "Utilitarian learning may affect the expansion of children's interests and horizons. ”
Therefore, as long as the child is interested, the parents will never object, and will also help the child to contact and learn as much as possible.
When Chen Yixian was two to three years old, he liked to watch Chinese and English animation, and his parents cooperated with his role play and learned English while playing.
In the 5th grade, he fell in love with reading English novels and had to translate them himself, and his mother followed along to help look up the dictionary.
When Chen Yixian graduated from high school, in the future choice of major, he chose the physics department he liked, and his parents gladly agreed, and did not force him to choose an English major that he was better at.
In "A Good Mother Is Better Than a Good Teacher", it is said:
Children come into this world with an independent personality and dignity.
Children and adults are equal, and parents should respect their children, rather than treating them as their own private property, requiring children to do as they wish and discipline them.
When a child's choice is recognized, his ideas are respected, and his heart is seen, they can fully feel their own value and their hearts are full of flowers.
In this way, they will be motivated to do anything, full of confidence, full of good yearning for the future.
Spend time with your child's family
During the winter vacation last year, the Fu Seoul family held a fun "family sports meeting" at their home.
The projects are varied, so busy that the winner can still control the family discourse.
Make a golf hole with a cardboard box, and the one who hits the ball into the hole wins;
There is also a snare link, rich prizes, snacks, mobile phones...
The desk was transformed into a ping-pong table, and the battle was particularly fierce.
Many netizens have left messages:
"Such a joyful and loving fairy family, I really look so sour";
"If I could grow up in a family like this, I would be happy and crazy..."
Usually, although Fu Seoul is busy at work, as long as he has time, he will definitely take time to accompany his son.
And her son Duole, under the love and companionship of his parents, has a cheerful and confident personality and is full of sunshine in his heart.
Brownwin Tarr, a psychologist at the University of Oxford, found in one study:
Children who have their parents to play with them have 3 to 4 times more smiles than children who do not have their parents to play with.
The childhood accompanied by the parents is full of vitality and vigor, and such children, in the face of the unknown world, tend to be more confident and fearless.
A family where parents love each other
Actress Yoko Spicy is not pretty among actresses, but what is unforgettable is that her face is always full of confidence.
A few days ago, she stumbled upon an interview with Yoko Hotaru about the source of her confidence, and she blamed most of the reasons on her parents.
Yoko Hotaru's parents are very loving, and the family relationship is harmonious, giving her a great sense of emotional security.
When she's doing anything, good or bad, she can go home at any time and start over.
Psychologist Zeng Qifeng said:
"The joy of husband and wife is the needle of the family.
Children who grow up in a family where their parents love each other are more secure in their hearts, he knows that their father loves their mother, and their mother loves their father, and they also love themselves deeply. ”
Just like Yoko Spicy, the sense of security brought to her by her parents' love allows her to have no worries when doing anything, choose what she likes, and stick to the end.
It's like weaving a gentle nest in the house, allowing children to grow up in a family where love flows, so that they will be full of confidence in the future, whether they face difficulties or setbacks.
How can a child who grows up in a warm, loving home not be sunny and confident?
The educator Rousseau once said:
"Man's education begins at birth, before he can speak and listen to others, and the basis of education is the family."
Every excellent child is a product of the family, the cause and effect of education, the gift of energy, and the reward of upbringing.
Whether a child can be confident, sunny and optimistic is often inseparable from the family's smoke and watering.
The family's land, rich in nutrients and fertile soil, can create children's branches are straight, and the grass and trees are green.
Click [in the watch], plant a sunshine and confidence seed for the child, water it with your heart, and you will eventually reap fruitful fruits.
*This article is original to the Daughter Pie. My family has daughters, and there are women who do everything. A parenting platform that millions of parents follow. *Some of the pictures in this article are from Figureworm Creative.