In the future multi-child families, the most testing of the hostess is these two points

*Title Source: Question 4 of this issue

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Question 1

Keywords: Ex married

Sister Doll, I am the same year as my predecessor, and my predecessor is currently engaged immediately, should I chase it back?

answer

If you are a boy and the other party has reached the step of engagement, at this time to insert a foot is not only easy to provoke the enemy to cause conflict, but also will not let your goddess look up to you. Destroying people for a long time to harm others is not good for yourself, it is recommended that you still do not cause trouble on the upper body is better.

If you are a girl, then the other party has to give the goddess a long choice, at this time you used to chase backwards, better is to humiliate yourself, serious will be in vain short choice. Therefore, it is recommended that you still do not blindly self-confidence, so as not to steal chicken and not become a rotten rice, ruining your reputation.

Question 2

Keywords: anger at the mother-in-law

Dear Baby Sister and Little Helpers, Hello! My husband and I were introduced into marriage by relatives, and now we are married for two years and have a baby for eight months (caesarean section), and my in-laws help me bring my baby, but I have recently been angry.

I, female master, am 160 tall and weigh 120 pounds.

Husband, specialist, height 185, weight 145 pounds, husband has a sister, married for many years to live stably in the same city.

When I was pregnant, my husband and I were at a different place, and my mother-in-law quit her job to take care of me. Pregnancy test I am a taxi, do not want to take the bus to toss the mother-in-law, usually buy vegetables to give the mother-in-law twice money, she said no, I will help the mother-in-law to see a doctor in return. In the later stages of pregnancy, my husband rented two houses and wanted to give me money, I said that I needed to ask him again, I confiscated it, I felt that I was still quite generous at hand, and now I think about it, I regret it.

Soon after giving birth to a baby, the husband changed jobs to our city, the income is almost the same, the in-laws also come with a piece to bring the baby, after the birth of the baby began to give 10,000 to the mother-in-law a year. Now I eat dinner at home, and I always have to buy two or three dishes when I get home.

New Year's mother-in-law to go to the big sister's house together for the New Year (the big sister gave a lot of baby toys and clothes shortly ago), I don't want to go, because when I was pregnant, I went to his house once heavy salt and heavy oil caused me to constipation and choked out varicose veins indirectly led to caesarean section, the mother-in-law was not happy, the New Year husband did not mention to give my parents money, I did not want to give my in-laws, recently the mother-in-law's face is very ugly, but the husband does not give me living expenses, I pay the rent every month (the company's house) plus the purchase of vegetables 4k, and soon the moonlight is coming, Remembering that I wanted to give money to my in-laws, I had a fire in my heart, and I asked my sister for guidance on how to put out the fire.

answer

Your height is 160 and your weight is 120 pounds, matching a boy who is 180 tall and weighs 145 pounds, even if you don't have a photo attached, you can see who is high and who is low.

Even if you think that you have a high education and the other party has a low education, now that the two of you have almost the same income, the competition is also similar, there is no need to step on each other's head on the academic qualifications.

In such a situation, your in-laws are still willing to help you with the baby, take care of your diet and living, you have already won the jackpot, what is not satisfied?

Looking at your description of all the things, it is even more bizarre.

Helping the mother-in-law to see a doctor is the duty of being a child. Even if the mother-in-law does not help, as her husband's mother, you should take her to the doctor. Don't say that your husband's relationship needs filial piety, even if it is a fair relationship, the relationship between men and women, girls should not take their mother-in-law to see a doctor? This is against human morality. What's so good about talking about it as your own effort? And you call it the "reward" of your mother-in-law's self-funded purchase of vegetables, which shows that you are really difficult to get along with.

In the year since the birth of the baby, you have successively given your mother-in-law ten thousand, and you feel that it is a great favor, and "I think of giving money to my in-laws with a fire in my heart", and I have not considered my mother-in-law's efforts at all, nor have I thought about the advantages I have taken. Ten thousand a year, less than a thousand a month, hourly workers are more than this money.

When you say that you "eat dinner at home and always buy two or three dishes when you come home," you probably want to show how generous you are. But I would like to say that no matter how many dishes you buy, your whole family is eating them, and it is not worth taking them out alone. And these two or three dishes are most likely also the mother-in-law's responsibility for cooking, so you should instead take the mother-in-law's affection. Two or three dishes are expensive, or is it expensive to go out to eat? Believe that you know which is expensive, then don't get cheap to sell well.

As for the reason why you don't want to go to your sister's house for the New Year, it makes people cry and laugh. It is too deliberate and far-fetched for you to attribute the reason for your caesarean section to "his family's meals are heavy with salt and heavy oil". When you go to your eldest sister's house for a meal, you can "constipation and choke out varicose veins", a crime she really can't afford. You know, "heavy oil and heavy salt" meals are by no means the only cause of constipation in pregnant women, otherwise there are so many pregnant women with constipation, is it difficult to go to your great sister's house to eat?

And although there are many pregnant women with constipation, but it is not common to hold back into varicose veins alive, take ten thousand steps back, even if the food of the big sister's family you eat is not the right taste, take a bowl of water and then eat, or constipation can also take your own medication, why must you hold it to this extent? The body is your own, and you don't say that no one will know the twists and turns in your heart.

You interpret everyone's well-intentioned behavior with malice, and who will be nice to you in the long run? Your mentality is called attribution error to the small, and it is called deliberate blackmail to the big, once this matter is spread out, it is estimated that everyone will avoid you, for fear of being relied on by you. It is not uncommon for such people on our platform to encounter things that need help, and everyone does not help, for fear of causing a disturbance.

In the final analysis, your anger stems from your deep resentment towards your in-laws, and the most fundamental reason is that you are not aware of the gap between your choice and your husband, nor do you realize the favor of your in-laws.

You have seriously climbed your husband, and you are not willing to honor his parents, and you are not willing to integrate into each other's family, but you feel that you have done everything in place, and even feel that your in-laws are harming yourself. You don't have the ability to dispatch the negative emotions you create, so you will make yourself "angry."

A character like yours is not easy to get a long choice, and since you have good luck to enter marriage, you must cherish it. Otherwise, once you annoy the in-laws, your husband will divorce you, your husband's economic strength can raise children, and your mother-in-law can also help the small family, and it is not difficult to remarry. And you are no longer young, it is likely that you have to pull your own children, remarriage may not be so easy, then life will be easier than now?

If you want to understand this, you will understand that you need this marriage more, this marriage has saved your life that has entered a negative cycle, reduced the acceleration of your downhill road, and if there is no one else but yourself, you will have to suffer more than you do now.

Question 3

Keyword: illegitimate child

Hello beautiful and wise doll sister, grateful to be able to meet you. For several years, I have been silently paying attention to learning, and now I have encountered problems that I am really helpless, and I want to consult the doll sister.

Me: 89 years 160 53kg, work within the system, monthly income of 5k, family income is ordinary.

Husband: 86 years 180 98kg, within the system, also do business, income is unstable, father-in-law middle-level cadres, about to retire.

After marriage, she has a son aged 8.

At the beginning, my husband's kneeling pursuit, at first full of sincerity, big investment, and promotion of relationships to see his parents, but I did not know the doll pu at that time, high disgusted attitude towards him, resulting in abnormal long selection, and also found that he was in contact with an ex-girlfriend.

After we got engaged and then got pregnant, we traveled to get married, and we had a simple wedding, and he didn't get a license on the grounds that he was going to let me have a baby abroad.

After the marriage, he found that he and his ex-girlfriend were in contact with a trumpet, and when questioned, he and the woman said that I had misunderstood, and they were not related. I was always skeptical, but I had no credentials, and at one point I was very stiff. When I was a few months old, the woman deliberately exposed that he and my husband had just given birth to an illegitimate child!

After the big fight, his parents came forward to solve it, let me give him a chance, and promised to cut off contact with the woman and child outside! In the next few years, the husband did follow the rules and did not have any trouble. But recently I found that my father-in-law had frequent contact with the woman and the child and did not know if the husband was involved.

I would like to ask the doll, what should I do with it at the moment? In this case, how can we maximize the protection of the marriage and the best interests of ourselves and our children?

Divorce is acceptable, thanks to the doll sister. (Attached photo to hide)

answer

In your description, you only said that your husband "did not get a license on the grounds that he was preparing to let me have a child abroad", but did not say whether you were licensed later. If you haven't been licensed, it's really hard to say who's the third party. After all, your PU is too high, your perception is too poor, and your husband and ex-girlfriend have already received a license.

And when your child was a few months old, this ex-girlfriend deliberately exposed her illegitimate son with your husband, and after the big fight, his parents came forward to solve it, but recently you found that your father-in-law had frequent contact with her and the child, which shows that you and this ex-girlfriend are still competing for a job.

In other words, if you and your husband have not yet obtained a license, it is still unknown who he and she will get a license; if you and your husband have already obtained a license, one day once you divorce, he is likely to marry his ex-girlfriend and go home immediately.

Now you ask me "what to do", it's too late. If you hadn't coveted your husband's kneeling, you could have seen through his many couples and avoided the current situation. Now that the wood is in a boat, he is fully capable of holding two women and raising two children at the same time, which is what their family likes to see, or how to maintain both sides. Since it is possible to have more offspring, why only marry you into the door?

If you want to "maximize the protection of marriage and the best interests of yourself and your children", you must first recognize that you two have no marriage. In this relationship, either you give the child to them and don't bother, you still have the opportunity to remarry, you can win the maximization of your personal interests, or you give up others, only consider the relationship, accept each other's polygamy, that can win the maximum interests of the child. You and your child's interests are placed in a basket, and the more you have, the less your children have. The more children you have, the less you have. You have to seek the middle degree yourself, after all, this is your life, and it is useless for us to say anything. However, in the current relationship, it can also be seen that the ex-girlfriend dared to force the palace, and still keeps in touch with her father-in-law, indicating that she is also a powerful character who can bend and stretch. Between you and your ex-girlfriend, who is more likely to stay in the relationship for a long time? At the moment it looks like she has the upper hand.

If you want this relationship, you have to have a good relationship with your in-laws, provide more emotional value to your husband, and if he wants a second child, then you must also cooperate more. It is important to remember that staying in this relationship is impossible to get a single couple and a single, and at most you can get some parenting investment for your child.

Finally, you're reminded that you don't have as many options as you think you do. This ex-girlfriend's choice of taking pictures with you is equal, indicating that she herself is better looking than you, and now the chips in your hands are the same, the other party's rank is higher, and you can't hold this cloth cut man.

This bastard child will always exist in your life, in the eyes of the man's family, these two children are brothers and sisters, that child will always flow with your husband's blood, you must be prepared to live with it for a long time. If she had a second child, you should be out faster.

Old powder advanced

Question 4

(Source of the title of this issue)

Keywords: mother-in-law with baby

Doll sister wants to ask a mother-in-law with a baby problem, I am a stone cloth, the mother-in-law is more powerful, the first child began to help the mother-in-law to build a handle, but found that the mother-in-law will be based on her, the size of the family things to manage, I do not like to get along like this to propose that the baby to bring their own independent belt, although hard but less and mother-in-law trouble feel worthwhile

But now pregnant with the second child, I don't know if the independent two babies to eat the consumption, the mother has always felt that I am stupid to have a mother-in-law do not have to get up to have to work hard, but I understand myself, I do not like to provide emotional value, do not like the mother-in-law to manage our small family, now very confused, in the end do you want the mother-in-law to take the baby, or do you want to take the baby independently? In my heart, I still don't like my mother-in-law to help.

answer

Human energy is limited, which is a very real problem, a mother is just difficult to take care of two children. When a child is still free, there is still room for release, and the surge in control can also be achieved, and two children may not be. Because cooperation can solve larger, more complex, and more onerous problems, it cannot be solved simply by clothing, closure, and control.

Therefore, after the birth of the second child, the "small temperament", "small personality" and "small temper" of the novice mother will slowly disappear, showing a state of more integration into each other's family. After all, we all face the common task of raising future generations.

At that time, whether it is "the mother-in-law is more powerful" or "the mother-in-law will take her as the mainstay", it will no longer be a disadvantage, and it will even become an advantage. "Strong" means she has the ability to have a child independently, and "dominated by her" means that she is willing to share more family matters so that you have time to breathe.

It doesn't matter if you can't provide emotional value now, when you are tired by two children and don't even have the strength to speak, you will understand how ignorant your past self was, your mother is a person who came over, so she will say "I am stupid to have a mother-in-law who does not have to get up and have to work hard", really suffered, naturally know that it has changed.

Having a mother-in-law willing to help with the child is a very happy thing. Especially for families with two children and three children, it is difficult for the couple to bear the heavy family affairs, that is, the whole family needs to work together to get things done. Everyone has money to contribute, a strong contribution, in order to raise the child well, I don't like it, whether you want it or not. This is like taking the college entrance examination, love good academic performance, to go to college, do not love to study, but also have to find ways to improve their grades, and strive to enter a good school. Families with many children test the stone and shear nature of the hostess.

Come on, make up for the lessons that have fallen behind.

Question 5

Keywords: work and mate selection

Hello Doll Sister. I followed you in college, am a member of Big Planet, and have taken offline classes. At present, there is a workplace confusion that I want to ask for advice.

I am 32 years old, 170cm50kg tall, white skin, and two books in college economics. At present, the occupation is a female model, in the third-tier cities, the annual salary is about 15 to 20w, and there are full houses bought by parents under the name. Self-assessment medium.

I feel that I am a stone cloth, and I have been living very easily and happily as a shear cloth due to the scissors and gender advantages of the young belt. And because it is too Buddhist and has not planned a good career, after getting older, the career has entered a bottleneck period.

If I want to change careers at this age, what kind of work do I do? Because I was unmarried and childless, I felt that many companies that worked nine to five would not want me. Do I first find a stable job and then choose a spouse, or do I choose a spouse to marry and have children before I find a job? Worry that not having a job will affect the right to choose a mate.

answer

On your first question, what does work well?

In a third-tier city, the most secure job is of course the administrative or public institutions within the system, especially for a girl like you who has worked hard in the high female competition circle, if you can enter the stone circle where beauty is a scarce resource from the scissors circle of beauty, it is a dimensionality reduction blow. A lot of resources and opportunities will be tilted towards you.

For example, once there is publicity or reception in the unit, it will give priority to you, and your work results are easy to shine and be recognized. The amount of exposure is large, leaders and colleagues learn that you are single, there will be many people who are enthusiastic about introducing objects for you, as long as you choose a reliable equal partner, you can live a high-quality life of stone women from then on.

Of course, all this is based on the premise that you can successfully and as soon as possible to enter the preparation, as long as you can go ashore, this is your ideal life choice.

If you don't pass the exam, you can try to change careers and become an influencer. Your modeling experience will be of great help to you, such as sharing stories about the modeling circle, telling the people and things you have encountered over the years in the modeling circle, teaching girls how to stay in shape, shaping their bodies, or sharing some makeup skin care tips to be a beauty blogger. Compared with first-tier cities, the pressure to compete as Internet celebrities in third-tier cities will not be too great.

As for the order of finding a job and having children, it is certain that marriage and childbearing are in the first place. You can prepare for the exam while going on a blind date, and emphasize that you are taking the civil service exam when you are on a blind date.