A friend of mine met a new friend of the opposite sex and had a good feeling. After dating for a while, there was a problem that bothered him: sometimes he took the initiative to send WeChat to the other party, and the other party did not return for a long time. He felt that the other party was ignoring it, and his heart was very worried. Ask me, "What do you mean by her?" Didn't she mean anything to me? ”
I said, "Maybe she's busy." He retorted: "Then it should not be so long without returning." Can't be busy all the time, right? You help me analyze and analyze, what does she think, does she not want to ignore me? ”
I asked him, "What about me?" Sometimes you send me messages, and I won't reply for a long time, will you feel that I don't want to ignore you? ”
He replied, "That's different. If you don't come back to me, you must have something to do, and when you're done, you'll come back to me. ”
Yeah, he's pretty sure I'll get back to his message, so he won't be so nervous and won't guess if I don't want to ignore him. I understand that there is such a reaction at the beginning of the relationship, because I am not sure of the other person's intentions.
If he were your boyfriend or girlfriend and didn't get your message back in seconds, would you get angry? Do you feel like he doesn't care about you and doesn't love you enough?
Many people will care whether the other party will return to themselves in seconds, thinking that it represents the degree to which the other party loves themselves, and whether they are important enough in the other person's heart.
But in fact, the more you care about whether the other party will return the second, the more it may prove that you have no confidence in the relationship, and you are insecure in this relationship.
If you're pretty sure the other person loves you, when he doesn't respond to you, you can guess what he's doing and what he probably didn't respond to. You'll be content to wait for him to get back to the message, rather than being there to be nervous and guessing.
If the other person gives you enough security. You will be very sure that he will not reply to your message for no reason.
You believe he didn't get back to you, there must be a last resort. You'll also be content to wait for him to get back to the message. And will not be angry about this, and will not feel that he does not care about you, does not love you enough.
Whether a person loves you or not does not depend entirely on these formal things. It's more about how he gives you, what he usually does for you. For example, let you know his whereabouts, let you know his schedule, his habits and his work rules... Wherever you go, they will report to you and give you peace of mind; meeting friends of the opposite sex will also let you know, or take you and so on.
If he is always hidden and not honest, hot and cold to you, erratic. You can't help but care a lot about his every move. When he does not reply to your message, he will wonder whether he is chatting with other people of the opposite sex, whether he deliberately does not reply to your message, whether he does not love you enough? You will feel that he doesn't care about you and get angry about it.
In fact, the reason for being angry may be because he has paid and has corresponding expectations for him, but he has not completed this expectation.
But what you're expecting isn't that, but something deeper: a stable, secure intimacy. So the most important thing to do is not to pay attention to whether he has a second back, but to pay attention to what kind of feelings he has given you? Does it give you a sense of security? Does it give you a sense of stability? Did you get pretty sure?
Sometimes it's not that you're being suspicious, but because his performance makes you unable to settle down. If you care a lot about whether he has a second back, then I think you can think deeply about whether there is something missing between you?
Focus on the inner nature of the relationship, not just the form. Seeing the essence through phenomena is a truth.
Follow me and grow together.