What are the moments when you feel loved?

What life lacks is not beauty, but the lack of eyes to find beauty, and I want to be loved.

Most of the time, people are subjective and emotional always prevail, so many times we pay attention to only ourselves, including our thoughts, emotions and love, we always fall into the trap of taking and complaining about the indifference and impermanence of the world around us, we always feel that our own efforts are often ignored by the love of those around us.

Most of us have never lacked love, but everyone's understanding of love, the way of love and the expression of love are different, just like everyone's unique appearance, the German philosopher Leibniz once said that "there are no two identical leaves in the world", even if they are identical twin children, there are places where they look different, including from the outside to the inside.

People are accustomed to preconceived notions, even if the subjective consciousness is unwilling to admit it, but subconsciously they will always feel that the love they understand, give and express is the real love, and the love for others is often omitted because it cannot conform to the framework of their own definition of love, or intentionally or unintentionally. Over time, "being loved" has become a luxury.

Of course, it is not a big mistake that makes us easily ignore the love of others, but many times we miss the real beauty in life, and the real existence of ordinary and short life. Perhaps more often, what we hear is to become a person who will love others, because love is an ability, this ability can make our lives better, so in order to let ourselves know love, for the sake of what other people say is a better life, we try to release and express our "love", and then look forward to others' responses to their "love", but often always change shape, until we doubt whether we really don't understand love, and even wonder if we are probably not worthy of being loved.

But the thing of "love" is mutual. I never thought that a person who does not know how to perceive being loved can learn to love others. Love is not innate, even the most selfless maternal love, but also before seeing the child, there are already decades pregnant with the same bed. When it comes to feeling "love", probably the most needed thing is to get along and time.

Some loves are silent, such as the love of parents. In the environment in which I grew up, the love of many families was silent. The root of silence is that the generations of people who live there, in addition to the matter of food and clothing, life does not give them more time to think about "love", but they will express their love in a silent way.

The tireless work every day is to make life better and make their children eat and wear better, but are they really "tireless"? No, people are tired, the cocoons on their hands that have been mixed with their skin, the skin color on their faces that are full of hot sun exposure, and the scars here and there when they are working, are all their silent ways of loving. When I was a child, I would always envy the children on the screen, in addition to the good life that their parents could give, but also the kind of communication and talk between each other and a warm hug at the end.

I always thought that that kind of love was love. Later, when I grew up, when I was far away from home, when I experienced the cold and warm of the world alone, the pictures of love that had been omitted by me more and more came to my mind: in the nineties when the grain was still in short supply, a pot of rice was steamed with coarse grain dough, and below it was white rice, my parents always ate coarse grain dough, and what was left for us was white rice; after my junior high school boarding, every weekend when I came home, my mother always prepared the ingredients in advance and waited for me to arrive home. The salty vegetables that I only started to fry on the fire; and the gamble after I refused to buy a pair of good sneakers after I didn't understand things, and finally my father sent me an extra two hundred yuan for living expenses in the month when I didn't go back... A lot of love, it's silent, but it's real, and these "loves" need to be perceived, but not by the people who love us, but by ourselves.

The same is true of the love of two people. In love, we always want to seek equality, even if many times the words are "I love you, it has nothing to do with you", except for the love of parents, other loves can only be maintained and may last for each other. In my mode of getting along with my wife, perhaps because of my different life experiences, I always thought that I would take care of her more, of course, over time on the scale of love, I would also tilt to my side.

Later, I slowly discovered that the "care" I understood myself, that is, the "love" I thought I thought I was, did not give more than she gave, or even she gave much more. Many details of life will change because of her, such as regular nail clippings, nose hair, and for example, when eating, you can't spit and shake your legs, I have to admit that at the beginning I had a rebellious psychology, and this rebellion is more out of my self-esteem. But over time, these became a part of each other's lives, and because of her love, I slowly changed many bad habits in my body, whether these "bad" were someone else's definition or my own cognition.

Because of her, I began to learn to express my love, or change the way I loved, but all of this presupposes that I slowly perceived the way she loved.

I often think of my wife coming home with me for the first time, when we were leaving, my wife took the initiative to hug my mother who was standing at the door watching us, and my mother seemed a little restrained and even overwhelmed in the face of the sudden embrace, but then because of my wife's warm love, my mother also carefully put her hands on her wife's back, but the mother, who did not speak Mandarin, wanted to say something but stopped, and then gently patted her back a few times.

It was probably the first time in her life that my mother felt a different kind of love, and that kind of love made her own love become less silent. Since then, every time they parted ways after the reunion, the mother would hug her wife, which became her way of expressing her love for her wife.

Love is never touching, and the perception of "love" only requires us to have more patience, which is enough. Think of it this way, as ordinary people, in the seemingly monotonous and repetitive days of every day, those ordinary and indispensable trivialities of life are probably the existence of love.