Have you ever asked yourself, "What do men want in a relationship?" Or "How can women add value to a man's life?" ”
A man is an independent creature, not only men, but many women are wondering, what makes a woman so valuable that she can make almost any man commit to her?
The most valuable thing a woman can give a man
In my relationship with my wife, I am both a taker and a giver, but giving out more than taking.
In such a battle where giving is greater than gaining, I realized that although the emotional resources I received were directly proportional to what I gave, I often felt lonely, even though she supported me and loved me, despite my lack of attention to my low-value behavior.
Realizing that much of the process of changing oneself is actually done on your own is a peculiar sense of loneliness.
How to add value to a person's life: Remember this first
Remember, you can't expect others to be resourceful about you or change you, and you can't expect men to change first; that's what most ordinary people do! Instead of taking responsibility, they blame each other.
I will not say the reasons against this, you can also guess a rough idea, and it can be summed up in one sentence:
Life is hard when you go down the easy road; life is easy when you go down the hard road.
Whichever path you take, you'll end up being rewarded accordingly; if you're uncomfortable with your choice right now, while it's challenging in the short term, it's you who ultimately benefit in the long run.
So, if you've ever wanted others to change before you could (in a way, that's true of each of us), I can understand.
Life is hard when you go down the easy road; life is easy when you go down the hard road
Sometimes you just feel safer not to make decisions because you want a partner, someone who can help you make decisions, someone who can lead you, someone who can support each other; so what can you give to a man as a woman?
If you're wondering what value a woman can bring to a man, it's this: the most valuable thing to give a man in a relationship, "emotional resources."
This is an important part of knowing how to add value to one's life.
What can a woman give a man?
In addition to that, there is another important thing that can make you energize a man's life in a relationship, and that is to give a man your inner wisdom.
It's essentially about getting you to show men something of high value. When we have high value, getting commitment is also not a problem. Conversely, when we are low in value, and when we are still takers, what do we get?
Don't get me wrong, it's normal that you can't avoid getting value from a man when the value is low, but there are also plenty of women who are too unbalanced in the opposite direction, in other words, the value they get is far greater than the value of giving, so in the eyes of men they are low value, and at the same time they also risk making men resentful!
So, knowing that there are so many takers in the world, knowing that most women will never settle for what their men give them, but there is one thing you need to remember.
If you can be emotionally resourceful, then you can almost always find ways to make men happy.
Not only that, but you can also find ways to become a woman who is valuable to men.
If you can be emotionally resourceful, then you can almost always find ways to make men happy.
What does it really mean to give emotional resources?
It means a lot of things, first of all, don't act on fear, and don't stop acting because you feel blamed.
Because when you feel blamed, your brain, your body automatically takes action, rather than being resourceful, so when you feel blamed, you don't see anything to appreciate in a man, or anything to appreciate in an argument.
When we don't approach resourcefulness, we tend to harbor ill will towards our partners, haven't you felt the annoyances associated with this before?
Have you ever encountered some defensive, unnecessary, blame-blaming person who you didn't want to blame but made them pay for it?
Like people who get angry at random and try to get emotional resources from you, even if your intentions are innocent!
We've all had the experience of when you're trying to make yourself more transparent and more understandable, only to turn on your defenses and blame you.
When you feel blamed, showing it robs men of their resources
If you're in a relationship and have a conflict, try to see if you want to be wary. If you do, then you may feel blamed.
In reality, if a man is communicating with you, it's important to you and to him.
In fact, his communication with you is a sign that they are coming for you, and maybe they are willing to trust you, and the two of you can deepen the connection again in the future.
But if we react to every exchange as if it were threatening our lives, while we are essentially grabbing resources and making it obedient to ourselves, we feel threatened just because a man asks us to do something different, and we are too lazy to change ourselves, and we prefer to let others change.
In this case, it's clear that the problem is with the men who are the ones who should change, just because we don't have enough courage to "go first". That's why we want others to get out of the cold first and change themselves.
I don't know how you think, but I don't want to be that kind of person. When you have the opportunity to be a big person, why be a small person?
When you have the opportunity to be a big person, why be a small person?
What value can a woman add in a relationship? Start here
Starting from being a big person, it can be big and not small. This is closely linked to emotional resourcefulness and taking responsibility for oneself and one's life.
Why make the world less than you can do, is there really nothing else to do?
Every goal we achieve is fleeting. So, ultimately, the only thing that has real value to us is who we become? What makes you a small person?
When nothing really threatens you, you act out of fear. What makes you a small person is to feel blamed, not to give us understanding or existence without conditions attached. It's also an act of seeking revenge, being endlessly stimulated, rather than trying to go beyond yourself to understand a man.
Disclaimer: There's nothing wrong with feeling blamed
It is the choices we make, because those feelings can fulfill or destroy our relationship, so we can choose to observe our feelings and give them space instead of trying to reduce them by attacking him or taking resources from him.
It's a willingness, a careless enough action to feel from where blame is felt, and it's harmful.
We hurt others because of it, and while we sometimes get value from it, when we act on blame, we actually kill someone emotionally. Because from my experience, immersing yourself in the feeling of being blamed seems like a reaction to fighting or fleeing.
It's a fight or flight attack response because we're angry at others trying to take resources away from us, and that's where we need our own emotional stores.
Every goal we achieve is fleeting
Be a woman who is valuable to men: cultivate your own emotional savings
What is emotional savings?
Have our own emotional resources. We are emotionally resourceful when we focus on connecting and creating more connections; we lack resources when we focus on what we can get, when we act out of fear.
In addition, when we lack emotional resources, we tend to push others away (in fact, we value the enduring distance between ourselves and others).
So, what does a complete emotional bank look like?
In practice, it looks like an action to enrich your relationship and add value to a man, rather than draining the resources of a relationship. Like the example below: How to Add Value to a Man's Life, it focuses on what you can do to enhance the relationship's connection, rather than permanently cutting it off.
For example: Reacting in conflict, especially when we feel blamed, we breathe and feel his heart.
In order to cultivate emotional resources, we must give when we don't want to give.
Examples of how to add value to a man's life:
Try to appreciate, not judge.
Try to understand, not hate.
Not to flinch, but to move closer to him.
Not to criticize him blindly, but to teach him a lesson first.
We did not ask him to raise his own standards, but to raise our own standards first.
It's an act of creating something where there's nothing, because, so that no one can take anything from you, and that's the elegance of action.
When we are in a state of fighting or flight with people who do not need us to respond, we somehow get resources from them.
Reacting in conflict, especially when we feel blamed, we breathe and feel his heart.
It's about how much action you can take from an emotionally rich place
The best thing we can offer, and what we are most proud of, is how much emotional resources we can provide.
Do you know what the benefits of "giving in" are?
To do this, you may need to relax in changing your previous fears, uncertainties, and loneliness. (Change is something we choose to do, and no one can make a decision for us.)
In order to be emotionally resourceful, we need to succumb to suffering, and the benefit of this surrender is that it is euphoric because it is a change of our own creation!
When we are willing to succumb to physical and emotional changes, our biochemistry changes. When we get rid of the discomfort of the old pattern, we get self-esteem and innate joy because we learn how to add value (giving to others instead of expecting them to give us).
Whenever we reach the other side of emotional discomfort, whenever we create something out of nothingness (a moment, a new connection, more fun), we get rewarded, and it's the reward of freshness, a sense of success, and euphoria, and that's what we deserve.
What about someone who wants to keep taking me?
Now, you might be wondering if it's all really worth being with a man?
I don't blame you! You shouldn't blindly do good for the sake of doing good, you don't want to be stuck in an abusive or low-value relationship, and when your resentments are piling up and your mental health is hit; so how do you test whether a man is worth adding value to his life?
Check out 6 Signs He Doesn't Want a Relationship With You
As for men who always want to take things away from you, when you have enough emotional resources to be completely with them, you will soon naturally perceive their presence and you will make healthier decisions about who to spend time with.
It's our habitual laziness not to be with a man, not to fit in with him, and sometimes to get us into casual relationships when men don't care and try to take advantage of us.
The best thing we can offer, and what we are most proud of, is how much emotional resources we can provide.
If you're here, then you're already valuable
If you've read this, you've had some success today! But also remember that having value and adding value are two different things.
In order to truly add value, we must feel intrinsic value. We have to have emotional resources so that we can give to men.
So, first remind yourself that you already have value, otherwise you wouldn't be standing here; even if you're hurt over and over again by people who should have loved you, the cure in the real world isn't to make someone else change, but to have the courage to align with a man and see the value he truly perceives, and the cure is to be given first.
With this feeling of harmony, you always have emotional resources to draw upon, because you will know that deep down, you feel beyond yourself and into his heart.
In this place, as long as you live, you can build an emotional connection and emotional attraction with a man.
So, when you can do it now, why wait until you feel you have enough value to surpass yourself? You don't need anyone's permission, just your own!