Hello webmaster, I am 39 years old this year, and unlike the average leftover man, it is not that I don't want to take off the list, but I have not been able to find someone who can fall in love.
Through relatives, friends and colleagues are also frequently accepting the arrangement of blind dates, it can be seen that after one or two meetings, it will not be over, although I am not rich and handsome, but the conditions can also be, why can't I find a girl who is willing to seriously communicate and enter the marriage? Are there any tips I would like you to help me analyze the guidance.
There may not be many people in similar situations, who have been on the way to blind date dating, but can't really start a relationship, what is the reason, let's explore it, hoping to help friends with similar troubles.
No matter how rational people are, in fact, there will be a desire and expectation for love in their bones, but love this thing can be encountered and unattainable, once a very formal form into the blind date environment, it seems that stereotyping will lead to a lack of natural feelings, but the encounter can not be sought to become deliberate, so the lack of process that is too straightforward may be the reason why we lose the opportunity.
I have communicated with many people with dating experience for this purpose, and I have deliberately observed the dating partners in the café and restaurant, but I will find that most of the interactive chats will have some ineffective communication, and even thunder-like dialogue, blind date is a rapid information exchange recognition interview process, if you do not understand the taboo then it is difficult to succeed.
The suicidal style that leads to the failure of dating
Talk only about things you're good at or interested in
This reminds me of a 40+ male guest in a variety show, close to each other a hundred times without a success, under the lens, the female guest as far as possible to throw out the topic, but he slightly catered to, immediately changed the direction of communication and the woman gushed about the field of "knowledge" that he thought was knowledgeable.
This kind of self-congratulatory awkward chat not only can not adjust the atmosphere, but also makes the other party think that you are self and narcissistic, which has nothing to do with gender, and the other party will have similar feelings.
So meet for the first time
Remember to talk about some grounded topics, you can share personal fun, but you must not turn the blind date into your own main show.
You can invite each other to interact together, it can be entertainment in your place, or what is the constellation test, personality test and other links, which may not necessarily detect the answer is the result, but can help avoid cold scenes in the interaction to allow you to get the qualification for deep communication.
The most taboo to avoid is to draw up your own speech in advance.
Naturally, don't rush to achieve the first meeting, too eager to establish the purpose, then it will not be possible to achieve it.
Ask the other person bluntly what they think of themselves
Even if the other party thinks it is OK in the whole blind date, it may be quickly reduced because they are asked how to look at themselves and how to decide the development of the relationship.
Everyone is an adult, if the impression is poor, or simply look at it, there is no follow-up, you continue to ask each other, agree, then the answer is actually very clear, do not do more.
Play handsome and cool, deliberately cold to the other party for a few days
Many friends have learned some gender secrets that they think they can control the relationship, and feel that after blind dates, they will be looked down upon by the other party too actively, so they will hang each other's appetite for a few days, so they will be more respectful and care about themselves, and they will not feel too rushed to lose face.
But this has also become an inducement for failure, on the one hand, you do not contact, the other party thinks that it may not be valued, on the other hand, at this moment, you can hold the shelf, the future small means of careful opportunities are more, and even the normal cold violence, so even if there is a good feeling, it will not choose.
It is not an exaggeration to say that if there is really the charm of the male god and goddess, there are a large number of suitors, and it may not be necessary to know the opposite sex in a blind date, which is not that all blind dates are not good enough, but relatively speaking, there may not be many suitors.
Therefore, they are all Pingshui meeting, not the passion that must be indispensable, the initiative is polite, do not use biased cognition, miss their feelings.
Ask the other person about sensitive topics
This is a chat method that is absolutely easy to let yourself go on a blind date, that is, to raise sensitive topics, such as the specific deposit of the other party, emotional experience and even intimacy, of course, we will have our own taboo consideration standards when we are blind date, but we can properly express our taboo appeals in subsequent contact, and there is no need to use the form of questions and answers bluntly.
Why do you cycle through repeated dates without a relationship that is not in love? It is because it is possible that in some misconduct, you repeatedly make similar mistakes without knowing it, not reflecting on it, and not correcting it, which will lead to entering the mode of revolving door dating.
Remember to correct the perception of expectations for the outcome of the "first date"
What would your ideal first date look like? At first sight, one shot at a time, or do you talk about each other and hate each other?
Usually unlikely, don't expect too much before you go, on the first date, the most important thing is not to show how good you are, unless you are a public company or have a certain background to show off, otherwise all we need is to make each other feel comfortable and relaxed in the relationship.
"How to make your loved one fall in love with you" tells us that in fact, do not have to be so passive, people can take the initiative to find similarities between themselves and others, at key moments, you can also use some ways to remind each other to also notice the similarities between you, when you and each other feel more strongly similar to each other, you are easier to come together.
Love is an eternal topic, something that countless people have pursued all their lives, and it is the premise and foundation of most marriages, but what is the essence of love? Some people say that love is the attraction of two hearts to each other, and some people say that love is the product of the brain secreting hormones.
But in the end, even if it is different from the initial expectations, it is possible for us to nod our heads and choose each other and be willing to get along with each other.
The authors clearly analyze from 4 levels: first impressions, similarity, equivalence principle, self-esteem massage.
First, first impressions
No matter how beautiful and excellent you are on the inside, if the image of the first date is sloppy and untrimmed, it is difficult to succeed. This is the same as the workplace interview, the state of their own image, directly positioning their own personal IP.
Social appearance is always your first business card, seemingly casual in the eyes of the other party is not simply not to respect yourself, but also to feel that you are too bad.
Second, similar personalities, complementary needs
Two people's hobbies, like music, love to watch movies, like fitness sports, or like to read books, we will be willing to be close to people who have similar hobbies, interests or experiences, and having a common history will produce an inexplicable sense of intimacy.
Of course, this similarity needs to have complementary effects, if it is simply like-minded, it is impatient, then it is easy to conflict rather than tacit understanding.
3. Equivalent exchange
The essence of marriage is the exchange of values, and the value resources you have are the motivation for the other party to be willing to try to start a relationship.
You can have no wealth, but you are considerate, you can not have time to take care of the family, but you have a good career, can provide the other party with a rich life.
So when you identify the needs of the other party, and can have a certain value output, then the next conversation will not be offensive, but the exchange of information, simply asking, you can not provide the needs of the other party, do not say the blind date, even if it is pursued, over time will be considered low value to be replaced.
Fourth, self-esteem massage
Self-esteem massage is to make the other person feel that you are good and excellent with you.
A skilled self-esteem massage is not blind praise, and those common clichés. It's that you can really pay attention to the other person's shining point and sincerely praise and affirm.
Adjust your shortcomings in time, especially the way you interact, in order to improve your charm and find the right partner as soon as possible.
END
Text/Relief Emotional Station
(Author: Xiao Yu, psychological counselor, focusing on the emotional field), good at the restoration of romantic relationships, marital contradictions and differences, and the healing of psychological trauma caused by the original ecological family. The lonely journey of life, listening to your grievances and pressures, helping visitors improve their skills in getting along with the sexes, saving their lovers, managing their feelings, and striving to become happier people.