Text/An Yu Psychological Counseling Center
Basically, there is no couple who does not quarrel, even those who are happily married will occasionally communicate in a quarrelsome way, while some couples directly use the quarrel as a way for them to communicate intimately, and they may have nothing to say without arguing. Therefore, those couples who never quarrel, except for very few parties who have reached the realm of mutual understanding and complete fit, are no longer concerned about each other, or directly give up the efforts to harmonize the relationship, but numbly accept the unfortunate facts of their marriage. It's a pity, after all, where is not to quarrel, if you can quarrel well, a harmonious marriage relationship can also be done.
If the quarrel is fair, the quarrel in the marriage can also be a very healthy and good way to communicate. If it is very difficult in life for us to express those repressed angers, depressions and fears well, we will feel very stressed and unable to speak. Through quarrels, we can vent those emotions and feelings, as well as express different thoughts and differences, so that we can relax ourselves and know more about each other, providing more possibilities for the healthy development of the relationship.
Quarrels can have the possibility of benign development, and naturally they may also be destructive. This possibility occurs when the quarrel is just a mutual attack, insult and turning over old accounts. Destructive quarrels can make relationships worse and worse.
Good or bad outcomes are possible, and for quarrels to bring positive communication to our married life, it needs to be based on a constructive approach.
1. Try to choose a good time to quarrel.
Quarrels are an important way of communication, and the place and time of quarrels are equally important, such as trying not to argue in public, such as trying not to argue in front of friends. Quarrel in private, quarrel in private, turn it into a way to be able to tell the truth and communicate. Although this is very difficult, but you can discuss the signs, observe whether it is right or not, if it is right, you will quarrel, and if it is not right, you can keep it to see whether you want to argue privately or not.
2. Focus on the current quarrel.
Turning over old accounts will bring a lot of trouble, such as a crisis of trust, harmonious relationships, etc. The quarrel should be just about the current quarrel, focusing your anger on what just happened, the present, not the past.
3, know why the noise in the end.
If you don't know what to argue, just waste time and experience in vain, it is better to use it to argue for real things. Because of trivial quarrels, casual quarrels, generally it will be fine. But if the trivia is just the lead, and the real quarrel is hidden underneath it without being discovered, there is no real solution to the problem.
4, quarrel to make it clear and clear.
What is the position of your quarrel, you must express it clearly, what is the demand, and you must confess it. Quarrels have their purpose and needs, and both should be satisfied in quarrels as much as possible.
5, do not argue for the sake of winning.
There are wins and losses, happy to win and unhappy to lose, how the relationship is not harmonious, in order to win should participate in the game instead of quarrelling. A win-win or a draw is a better outcome. After all, the problem of quarrel is often more than one answer, and conflicts also have different ways to solve, with the solution of all agree, beneficial to each other, and since the quarrel, then quarrel out of a mutually consistent solution, is the ultimate goal that the quarrel can achieve.
In the end, it would certainly be great if you could solve the problem with a calm conversation. If not, it is quite good to be able to solve the problem after a quarrel.