Text/Coriander
Going from love to marriage has always been considered a normal step. Marrying because of love is also the most perfect ending to a relationship.
But in this world, the union of many couples has no absolute relationship with love. There are not a few people who marry for the sake of marriage.
Meng Fei once said in the program of Venus: If you pay attention to the people around you who are married, you will find that those who are really married have less to do with love, but more of these two aspects - appropriateness and habits.
That makes a lot of sense. Indeed, in an increasingly real life, love seems to be no longer so important.
When two people live together, what they value is more about the convergence of the three views and the habit of whether they can run into each other.
So, two men and women come together, what is the right fit?
Appropriateness refers to the fact that two men and women, from the three views, from the personality, from the handling of things, from all aspects have a place of convergence.
For example, a man likes to travel, and if he meets a woman and can have a common hobby with him, he will feel that he has found a confidant.
One of my sisters is like that. The man she met had a stable job and good financial conditions. On weekends, he likes to drive around on his own, usually going out on Friday nights and coming back on Sunday afternoons.
It just so happens that my sister likes this, but she doesn't have a car herself, and she has to follow her friends when she goes out. After meeting her man, the two hit it off and went out to play every weekend.
After "playing" together for half a year, the two played into marriage. After being together, the younger sister found that she was still relatively close to her husband's three views, which surprised her. Because she had a boyfriend before, it was a mismatch between the three views, and later led to the breakup for this reason.
Now they've been married for years and still hang out every weekend. Her man said that if you play for a few more years, you will have children, and when you have children, you will settle down at home, raise children well, and then the children will grow up slowly, and then find opportunities to go out and play. These words deeply won my sister's heart, so they had a very happy life.
So, it is appropriate for two people like this to be together.
A more suitable model of husband and wife is qian Zhongshu and Yang Dai, who we are familiar with. They are all people who can sink their hearts into reading, and the study at home is the best space for them to get along.
Two people together is not suitable, you need to run into it to know. In fact, a suitable marriage is far more stable and long-lasting than a marriage with only love but different views.
Another factor in marriage is habit. Any feeling that comes to an end becomes a habit: you get used to me, I get used to you.
Habits, on the other hand, are formed slowly. In this process of cultivation, there is tolerance and tolerance for the spouse, understanding and acceptance. Only in this way can a marriage go on and on.
For example, there is a male colleague in our unit, he has been married for thirty years, the husband and wife have a good relationship, at least we will see him answering his wife's phone every day. They weren't in the same city, and his wife was at work, and she was only available at noon, so often when we went out to dinner together, her wife's phone would call.
There were more times of the fights, and we became familiar with her, occasionally saying hello. She even knew the names of several of our colleagues.
The male colleague said that in fact, he and his wife's personality is completely different, he is more gentle, but his wife is the more violent temper, like a firecracker, a little bit.
He said that when he was young, he would argue, but every time he quarreled, it ended in his silence. In this way, in his wife's view, he conceded defeat, so her anger disappeared.
He said that his wife's heart is not bad, that is, she has a bad temper, and she helps him take care of everything well at home, so he feels that he can't think too much.
Slowly, they got used to each other's personalities and learned how to avoid those unpleasant moments. For example, he chose to work away from home and return home once a month. Either because of the distance, he said, or because of older age, their relationship is now more harmonious.
So, habit is the run-in between two people after making concessions to each other. Your heart is thinking of her good, her heart is concerned about your home, and then slowly moving closer to each other, becoming a habit of mutual existence.
There are many factors in the composition of marriage. There is more to do within marriage. Therefore, love is really not a necessary condition for marriage, and suitability and habit are the "weapons" of marriage for a long time.