Hello everyone, I'm Mommy.
A few days ago, the circle of friends was swept away by a message: in this wave of shanghai epidemic, confirmed infants and young children were forced to separate from their parents and were isolated separately.
Children are the weakness and bottom line of parents, and the videos exposed online ignite the anger of all parents.
In the video, multiple babies share a bed, and two children have their heads covered by sheets, at any time at risk of suffocation...
There are also many children crying for their mothers, but no one is pacifying.
Crowded, chaotic, I can't imagine how scared and helpless these young children should be leaving their mothers.
Watching the children cry, countless parents felt the same and forwarded to pay attention to the progress of things.
With the fermentation of public opinion, the Shanghai Health Commission adjusted the treatment strategy and opened the parent-child cabin for the first time:
"Parents who are positive can accompany care;
For a small number of negative parents, if they are not willing to separate from their children, the government will arrange accordingly under the premise of fully informing the risks."
At this point, the "infant isolation incident" can also be considered to have been temporarily resolved.
Recalling the exposure of the isolated incident, countless parents said that "if only positive can be with their children, then I must not hesitate to make myself 'yang'." The attitude is resolute and with a hint of tragedy.
And the reason why parents are so "crazy" is only the selfless love of parents for their children?
Of course not.
The deeper reasons behind this are more worthy of our attention.
"I haven't seen my child in days"
Zhao Qian (pseudonym) has a 2-year-old daughter, and after a family of three infected positive, they were sent to different isolation points for treatment.
In the cabin isolation, she couldn't put down her daughter the most" The doctor was too busy for us to understand, but I was really nervous, I didn't know what my daughter was doing over there, never saw a photo or video."
She didn't get any messages from her daughter except for the nurse's reply to her "okay", and she was even more worried after seeing the video on the Internet:
Can a nurse take care of 10 children?
Does anyone give a bath?
Did anyone wipe his ass?
As we all know, the care and feeding methods of infants and young children are very delicate, and the guardian needs to be inseparable from the child.
And in this process, a little negligence may cause serious consequences:
When infants and young children leave their parents, the most worrying thing is that their basic physiological needs are not guaranteed.
The first is that the rhythm of life is disrupted: during the isolation and treatment period, due to changes in the sleeping environment such as lights and beds, the original sleep rhythm of infants and young children is disrupted, which may cause difficulty in falling asleep.
The second is the feeding problem: infants and young children grow faster, and their height changes one day. Many infants and young children have not been weaned. After separation from the mother, eating unaccustomed milk powder may be nutritionally insufficient, affecting growth and development.
Also, skin cleaning problems: infants and young children have delicate skin, and if the diaper is not changed or bathed in time, it is easy to cause diaper rash, eczema, and even urinary tract infections.
Even viral cross-infection: In the spring, pneumonia, diarrhea, chickenpox, etc. are highly contagious, and if the hygiene of the isolation point is not guaranteed, the risk of cross-infection between children is high.
When children are isolated, these parents' worries, I believe that other parents can empathize:
"My heart is broken, I don't know what my daughter has endured over there, she is only 1 year old, the road will not go;
My child, who was less than 2 years old, was also taken away and has not been able to contact him since he was taken away. Today I finally got a picture of the child, the child was haggard, there was no light in his eyes, and it was really heart-wrenching."
Shanghai officials debunked rumors that the picture video circulated online was not the Infant isolation point in Jinshan, but the "pediatric ward of Shanghai Public Health Clinic".
In fact, the focus of parents' concern is not where the child is, but whether the child is isolated alone and has no parental care.
Separating infants from their parents, in addition to not being able to guarantee their physical needs, is more serious that they may cause psychological trauma to their children.
Not long ago, at the height of the epidemic in Hong Kong, a 3-year-old girl was isolated for 9 days.
In just a few days, the child's personality has changed dramatically.
Children who were once lively and cheerful are now silent and taciturn, and people can't say their heartache.
Separation anxiety that cannot be ignored
Separation anxiety at an early age can affect a lifetime.
Psychologist Mary Einsworth discovered three early attachment relationships:
1. Secure attachment: The child is obviously anxious when she is separated from her mother, but seeing her mother again can quickly forget the anxiety.
2, rebellious attachment: the mother left for a period of time, the child is extremely painful, after the mother returns, the child wants to be close but resents her departure.
3. Avoidant attachment: The mother shows weak pain after leaving, but after the mother returns, the child refuses to contact her.
She found that when the latter two types of children grew up, it was almost always difficult to properly handle intimate relationships.
Children will think of themselves and their mother as one whole before the age of three, and separation trauma can lead to insecurity in the child.
I had seen a help message on a platform before, and the helper lived separately from his mother for a few years because of some things in his childhood, and until now, he still did not dare to rely on anyone.
"I've already lost once, so I don't want to lose a second time." To avoid the pain of separation again, he closed himself off:
"Don't let others touch him, don't let others hold him, or even refuse others to come near him."
He was ostracized, bullied, and even suffered from depression at school because he did not fit in.
I never know what it's like to miss someone, because I know that sooner or later I'll lose it."
In fact, he also longs for friendship and family affection in his heart, but because he cannot get rid of the fear of abandonment, he can only live painfully.
This is not an isolated case, many people like him because of the separation anxiety of childhood, formed an "avoidant attachment" personality -
They stubbornly believe that people who have been "abandoned" by their parents are not worthy of being loved by anyone.
More importantly, this kind of injury is difficult to improve as it grows.
Perhaps the memories of infancy and infancy will fade over time, but the separation anxiety caused during this period will affect a lifetime.
I hope that parents try not to be separated from their children for too long, and if they must be separated, they can clearly tell "when the mother will come back and when she will come back", which can also reduce the child's anxiety.
Child with mother
It's a two-way street
Many people think that separation anxiety only exists in children, but this is not the case.
Some time ago, because of the needs of work, I attended a 2-day lecture.
However, the epidemic suddenly broke out, and I was told that I would temporarily stay in the arranged hotel and could not go home.
So my son and I were separated for 7 days, which was the first time in 3 years that I left him.
Before, I spent every day with my son, and occasionally I wanted to stay alone.
But when the child is really not around, the heart is empty.
After every day, the first time is to make a video call to see my son, listen to his voice, and care about whether he eats well and sleeps well.
When I can't see my child, I can't say I feel sad, anxious, or even fidgety. I also deeply realize that children are around a very happy thing.
After the end of the quarantine, I immediately rushed home, as soon as I entered the door, my son threw himself at me with small steps, taking a cup and handing fruit again, and I hugged him tightly into my arms, and the tears almost did not stop.
At that moment, I really felt grounded.
For a while after that, I noticed that my son was obviously sticking to me more than before.
As long as I'm out of his sight, he'll feel very uneasy and look everywhere.
Whatever I do, he will follow like a "little tail".
When eating, he sat next to me, and he asked me to hug me anytime and anywhere, and even when he went to the toilet, he had to stand at the door and "stand guard".
Burlingham. Freud said, "The more clingy the child, the more deeply he believes that separation will be repeated."
I knew that the sudden departure of those few days made him very insecure, and he was clingy because he was afraid that his mother would leave again.
To help him feel safe, I told him every day that "Mom loves you very much."
Before going to work, he said to me like an adult, "Mom, you must come back early." At this time, I will also give him a warm hug and tell him that "Mom has always been there".
After a period of companionship, the son finally changed back to the way he was before, and his sense of security returned.
With this experience, I have more deeply realized that parents and children need each other and go in both directions.
Write at the end
Back to the original "infant isolation incident" in Shanghai, the sudden separation of parents and children without warning will cause huge psychological harm to both mother and child.
Fortunately, with the widespread attention and voice of everyone, the epidemic prevention policy has been gradually improved.
However, the national epidemic situation is still grim, and everyone cannot relax their vigilance.
In addition to daily protection and proper storage of necessary daily necessities, we also need to be sober and attentive at all times.
This year, the epidemic has blossomed in many points across the country, with suddenness and unpredictability. However, it is difficult to fully ensure that the needs of all people, especially vulnerable groups, can be properly met by the epidemic prevention policy in any region.
For example, once sealed, pregnant women can seek medical treatment in time;
Whether supplies for the elderly are in place;
People with rare diseases have difficulty buying drugs ...
Experience has proved again and again that today, when the network is developed enough, as long as there are enough people to pay attention, things will be solved faster.
Between the emergence of problems and the solution of problems, each of us can contribute to the light.
The epidemic is merciless and people have feelings.
Here, I would like to appeal to all of you:
In the future, if you see any form of help content, even if you can't solve the actual problem, paying attention to and forwarding is the greatest goodwill.
Finally, welcome everyone to "forward" + "watch", I hope that the epidemic will end as soon as possible, and I hope that every spring in the future will not be missed again!
We look forward to the day when we take off our masks and laugh together