Among the many anxieties in children, one of our most common anxieties is separation anxiety. Separation anxiety, also known as parting anxiety, refers to the emotional response of children to anxiety, uneasiness or unhappiness caused by separation from their parents.
Separation anxiety is one of the most common anxieties in young children, which is more likely to occur in preschool children and is also a normal reaction that children must go through when they enter kindergarten. Children who have just entered kindergarten are prone to colds, fevers, stomachaches, etc., which is caused by this reason. In addition, children pestered their parents all day, constantly asked their parents to accompany and pay attention to themselves, and did not take the initiative to interact with other children, which would also affect peer interaction.
When a child is facing separation anxiety, if the parents cannot handle it correctly, it will aggravate the child's anxiety. Children's anxious emotions can also cause physiological stress responses, if the child can not pass the separation anxiety period in a short period of time, but a long period of anxiety, it is easy to make the child's resistance decline.
First, why do children have separation anxiety?
Separation anxiety is initially a negative emotional experience that arises when a child leaves its mother. The closest person disappears from sight, and the child suddenly becomes uneasy: Where is the mother? I'm looking for Mom! Children will express their anxiety by shouting and crying, calling for the presence of their mother. Most children will show this separation anxiety from seven or eight months old, and some children will even show this separation anxiety earlier.
The appearance of separation anxiety is associated with the child's insecurity. Facing an unfamiliar environment or leaving someone close to you will affect your child's sense of security. Initially, the emergence of this anxiety has a special adaptive significance, because it prompts the child to look for someone close to him, or to send a signal to call for the appearance of the mother. This is an effective way for children to seek safety. However, anxious children will focus all their attention on finding relatives, and sometimes even show that they do not eat, drink, or play, which are the behaviors that can most attract the attention of those close to them. Therefore, children with severe anxiety do not have the heart and energy to explore the external world.
When a child reaches the age of kindergarten, separation anxiety is even more impossible to ignore. Many children, fearful of going to kindergarten, resist by not getting out of bed, pretending to be sick, and crying. Because 0 to 3-year-old children mainly obtain a sense of security by forming a stable attachment relationship with their mother and family, and the acquisition of this sense of security requires a process, as long as they leave their mother or leave the familiar environment, their sense of security will be affected, and then separation anxiety will occur. However, when the toddler grows to more than 3 years old, as long as the way of raising is appropriate, and the child has gained sufficient security at this stage, then even if it leaves the mother or the familiar environment, the sense of security will not be greatly affected, and the child can quickly pass the separation anxiety period and adapt to strangers and new environments.
Second, how to deal with your child's separation anxiety
To cope with separation anxiety, the most important thing is the calm and calm of parents, and I can't start to be anxious because of my emotional reaction. When parents can calmly face their children's anxiety, their children will feel secure and safe, and it will be easier for children to successfully pass the separation anxiety period. In addition, for some children with severe separation anxiety, parents must pay attention to the following points:
(1) Increase the sense of security of children aged 0 to 3 years
In the stage of establishing the sense of security of 0- to 3-year-old children, mothers should accompany their children more and minimize the long-term separation of parents and children. Now some parents, out of helplessness, send their children to their grandparents' homes, resulting in long-term separation of children from their parents and affecting the establishment of children's sense of security. In addition, in the previous narrative of attachment relationships, it has also been shared that the establishment of secure attachment relationships is to help young children establish a sense of security, and mothers or caregivers should respond to the needs of young children in a timely, accurate, appropriate and consistent manner. In this way, when the child faces separation, the separation anxiety will not be so serious.
(2) Prior notification will reduce the anxiety of young children
Some parents are worried that their children resist separation and find it troublesome to cry, so they take a convenient approach to sneak away. The consequences of this approach are very serious, directly leading to the loss of trust in young children and their resistance to separation. When we are separated from the child, we tell the child that although the child will also cry, but this is what the child must experience when growing up, with each time we tell, the child gradually understands, the mother will go, but also will come back, separation is not so painful. If separated from the child, the mother does not tell the child, sneaking away, this is a kind of harm, is necessary to try to avoid, so in advance, inform the child to overcome a lot of anxiety and tension.
(3) Inform the child in advance that the situation must be true
Many times we can't say something that doesn't match the facts in order not to make the child nervous. For example, in order to make their children adapt to kindergarten quickly, parents describe kindergarten as heavenly, without telling their children that going to kindergarten means growing up, being separated from their families, not doing what they want, and having to do things with everyone. As a result, many children come to kindergarten happily, but find that this is not the case, and the crying is even worse.
(4) Inform the child in advance that the situation must be specific
The more specific the parents are informed in advance, the more relaxed the child's mental state. The more specific the description, the stronger the child's ability to control, he found that the process of things was the same as every step his mother said, and he was no longer anxious and afraid.